Building Lasting Relationships: A Call to Intentional Community

• Intentionality in Relationships [00:01:03 ▶️ 📄]
  > The pastor argues that fullness of life and relationships requires intentionality rather than accidental stumbling, linking current actions to future outcomes.
• Sowing and Reaping [00:29:31 ▶️ 📄]
  > Using the biblical metaphor of sowing thorn bushes vs. figs, the pastor explains that current relational habits determine future relational fruit.
• Relational Capacity and Limits [00:34:07 ▶️ 📄]
  > The pastor discusses the concept that humans have limited capacity for relationships, referencing 'Dunbar's number' and Jesus' own relational circles to argue for intentional selection of who we invest in.
• The 'Comrades' or 'Personal Network' Layer [00:39:28 ▶️ 📄]
  > The pastor identifies a specific, often overlooked layer of relationships (around 72 people in Jesus' model) that represents a major opportunity for intentional investment.
• The 'Comrades' Realm [00:39:34 ▶️ 📄]
  > The pastor defines a specific relational tier in Jesus' life (the 72) characterized by shared mission rather than intimacy or friendship, distinguishing them from the inner circle.
• Mission-Based Relationships [00:42:08 ▶️ 📄]
  > The argument that God connects believers for the purpose of spreading the gospel and advancing the kingdom, using the example of the pastor's friendship with Hannah.
• Gospel Unity vs. Cultural Preference [00:46:15 ▶️ 📄]
  > The theological claim that the gospel binds together unlike people through the Holy Spirit, overriding social, demographic, or personality preferences.
• Storge Love [00:47:45 ▶️ 📄]
  > An explanation of 'storge' as an automatic, bonded familial love that defines the relationship between believers, distinct from other forms of affection.
• Consistent Showing Up [00:49:26 ▶️ 📄]
  > The application that developing these relationships requires persistent presence over years, contrasting modern 'softened' commitment with traditional reliability.
• [Romans 12](https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Romans+12&version=KJV) and Spiritual Gifts [00:53:22 ▶️ 📄]
  > The pastor analyzes Romans 12, identifying specific actions (love, honor, serve, contribute) as spiritual gifts that empower believers to do the work of the kingdom together.
• Consistency and Presence [00:56:24 ▶️ 📄]
  > The pastor argues against digital-only connection (Zoom), emphasizing that physical presence and consistent attendance are required to develop deep relationships and reveal 'comrades'.
• The Body of Christ [00:59:57 ▶️ 📄]
  > Using the metaphor of the body, the pastor encourages listeners to 'be their body part' and look around to see who God is connecting them to.
• Combating Loneliness [01:02:31 ▶️ 📄]
  > The pastor addresses the internal voice of loneliness and isolation, contrasting it with the reality of a woven network of people found through consistent showing up.
• [Galatians 6](https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Galatians+6&version=KJV) and Reaping a Harvest [01:05:18 ▶️ 📄]
  > The pastor concludes with Galatians 6, promising that those who do not grow weary of doing good and showing up will reap a harvest of community and deeper relationships.
• Doing Good and Community [01:05:18 ▶️ 📄]
  > The pastor exhorts the congregation to not grow weary of doing good, specifically to those in the household of faith, promising a harvest of deeper relationships and community.
• Spiritual Discernment for Relationships [01:06:06 ▶️ 📄]
  > The pastor moves from general exhortation to specific application, asking the congregation to identify one 'tiny little seed' or specific action to plant for relationship growth.
• Prayer for Specific Guidance [01:07:17 ▶️ 📄]
  > The pastor leads a corporate prayer asking God to be specific about one seed for each person to plant, water, and tend, trusting in a future harvest.

• Sermon Illustration [00:30:09 ▶️ 📄]
  > The pastor shares a personal anecdote about building a water slide out of a swing set for her children. She describes how her youngest daughter flew off the slide and face-planted into a retaining wall, illustrating the consequence of not foreseeing the outcome of a 'dumb' decision or risk.
• Sermon Illustration [00:32:44 ▶️ 📄]
  > The pastor recounts observing a group of friends at a Reds baseball game who were all looking at their phones instead of interacting with each other or the game, using this as an illustration of the 'seeds' of disconnection being planted in daily life.
• Sermon Illustration [00:44:06 ▶️ 📄]
  > The pastor shares a personal anecdote about meeting Hannah, who initially wasn't looking for a friend like him (a 40-something white lady). They bonded while working on the same mission, leading to a deep relationship where she now mentors his daughter.
• Sermon Illustration [00:50:47 ▶️ 📄]
  > A humorous generational comparison between Boomers and Gen Xers regarding RSVPs and commitment, illustrating how modern technology has 'softened' the meaning of showing up.
• Sermon Illustration [00:51:39 ▶️ 📄]
  > A story about a babysitter visiting the pastor's children in college, where the babysitter was shocked that the pastor's generation made plans and simply showed up without constant communication or confirmation.
• Sermon Illustration [00:57:03 ▶️ 📄]
  > The pastor shares a personal story about meeting a volunteer named Kent at church. Their relationship progressed from casual greetings at the door, to sitting together at basketball games, to texting about parking, and finally to deep friendship involving shared meals and hosting. This illustrates how consistent showing up reveals comrades.
• Sermon Illustration [01:01:35 ▶️ 📄]
  > The pastor recounts her own journey of discovering her gifts and connections by volunteering in student ministry and as a greeter, noting how showing up in these roles helped her identify compatible people and overcome loneliness.
• Sermon Illustration [01:03:25 ▶️ 📄]
  > The pastor describes a 'fire time' experience at a women's camp where she connected with a diverse group of women. She later invited them to her home for more fires, leading to deep cross-cultural and situational friendships, such as one woman spending Thanksgiving with her family.
• Sermon Illustration [01:06:06 ▶️ 📄]
  > The pastor uses the metaphor of planting a 'tiny little seed' to represent a specific, small action or relationship initiative that the congregation should identify and pursue, noting that only God sees the long-term harvest.

• Pastoral Charge [00:50:00 ▶️ 📄]
  > Consistently show up to community events and relationships over a long period (years) to build a personal network.
• Pastoral Charge [00:45:50 ▶️ 📄]
  > Actively engage in God's mission and identify other believers to connect with.
• Pastoral Charge [01:00:23 ▶️ 📄]
  > Attend the Ignite conference on June 6th at Crossroads Eastside to connect with other women.
• Pastoral Charge [01:06:24 ▶️ 📄]
  > Quietly ask God for one specific 'seed' (action/relationship) to plant for future kingdom connections.
• Pastoral Charge [01:06:24 ▶️ 📄]
  > Quietly ask God individually for one specific 'seed' (action) to plant in relationships.

[00:00:32] [SPEAKER SPEAKER_00]
[00:00:32] Welcome to Crossroads. We are so glad that you're joining us today. Now, Crossroads started with 11 friends who wanted a place for people who'd given up on church but hadn't given up on God, and that's grown into 10 locations and our amazing Anywhere community that meets online and all over the world, so wherever you're watching from, you need to know you're not just watching something, or at least you don't have to be. Behind the screen, there's an incredible community of people you can get to know and grow alongside of. Since I joined Anywhere,
[00:01:03] will reach out and help you to know the amazing community. But now we're going to dive into our service, which is all around the idea that you won't just accidentally stumble into the fullness of who God created you to be. That requires intentionality and the presence of God. Let's
[00:01:15] start off with these songs right now to connect with God's presence.

[00:12:28] [SPEAKER SPEAKER_04]
[00:12:28] relationships, and I know the depth, and I know the struggle in this room. I'm going to point us to a scripture in Galatians, and I would, I would read it on my phone, but I left it backstage,
[00:12:39] so we're gonna, how about this? Let's go old school. Let's read together. Can we do that?
[00:12:45] Let's do this. Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time, a harvest, if we do not give up friends if you're in this room if you're watching online you have not given up
[00:13:04] you are here and we have an opportunity to come together and do the thing we were designed to do which is to reflect because we are instruments

[00:13:16] [SPEAKER SPEAKER_05]
[00:13:16] there's a song of praise that gosh you guys took on a challenge called the 10x push god was asking

[00:20:01] [SPEAKER SPEAKER_04]
[00:20:01] us to go further. Voice sacrificed more. We are just new territories and we want to give you an update on the things that are going on. So while you have a seat. In November of 2024, God called

[00:20:29] [SPEAKER SPEAKER_01]
[00:20:29] Crossroads to a Moonshot. He invited us to grow the four territories that he entrusted to us.
[00:20:34] 10x in 10. Thousands responded, committing $211 million above and beyond regular giving, trusting God with what they had.
[00:20:45] And we're already seeing the impact.
[00:20:47] The first year of 10X work focused heavily on growing the territories of immersive sites and impactful reach out.
[00:20:54] Immersive sites, spaces designed to encounter God, belong in community and grow.
[00:21:00] Crossroads Dayton and Uptown locations are now open and we're building a new 500 seat auditorium in Columbus to make space for our friends and neighbors.
[00:21:09] Next month, we're launching Crossroads live events in Indianapolis and Detroit to build local momentum and see where God might be calling Crossroads next.
[00:21:18] Investments in collective nights for young adults and new spaces for students are already bearing fruit with hundreds more young people learning about Jesus in a language they can understand.
[00:21:28] Now that the Oakley Experience upgrades are well underway, the process to upgrade the weekend experience at our other sites has already begun.
[00:21:37] Impactful Reach Out, extending the love of Jesus to the most vulnerable, locally and globally.
[00:21:42] 10X funding has taken our decades-long work to fight sex trafficking to a whole new level.
[00:21:48] Funds are now being used by one of our key partners in Nepal, Anjali, to expand a school in her village that has been plagued by traffickers, giving kids a hope and a future.
[00:21:58] We also broke ground on the 220,000-square-foot anti-trafficking campus that will house and educate hundreds of children in Kathmandu.
[00:22:07] Crossroads services are now available in prisons in 43 states.
[00:22:10] To date, we have had over 7 million views and 3,000 people have decided to follow Jesus.
[00:22:17] We are working to partner with reentry programs for inmates so they do not return to prison.
[00:22:21] And we are investing in future iterations of CityLink, the only in kind social services center started by Crossroads.
[00:22:28] It's now or never.
[00:22:30] We can't and we won't turn back from where God is taking us.
[00:22:34] This is our moment to keep going, believing God for 10x impact over the next 10 years.
[00:22:41] Together, let's expand the territory.

[00:22:53] [SPEAKER SPEAKER_00]
[00:22:53] Yes, we believe that God wants to 10X how he serves, blesses, and impacts people through this church.
[00:22:59] As you heard in that video in May, we're taking Crossroads Live on the road.
[00:23:03] That'll be one night in Detroit on May 1st and one night in Indianapolis on May 9th.
[00:23:07] And this isn't just a, hey, let's try an event in a couple of cities thing.
[00:23:10] This is like us asking a real question.
[00:23:13] God, are you opening a door for us here?
[00:23:15] There will be live worship.
[00:23:17] There will be amazing teaching.
[00:23:18] there'll be prayer for God to do something incredible in these cities. So if you know somebody in Detroit or Indy, send them the link and actually send it. Don't do that thing that I often do where like somehow two weeks go by and I'm just that person who almost sent a text,
[00:23:32] right? If you're close enough to make the drive, hey, maybe you should be there yourself. Either way, you can RSVP at crossroads.net. And stuff like this happens, stuff like in that video, everything happens in our communities because people have chosen to give, not just normally,
[00:23:46] but sacrificially as a part of 10X.
[00:23:49] We're halfway through this three-year commitment to help more people experience God and grow and experience the life that he intends for them because that's what generosity does.
[00:23:59] It turns vision into something real.
[00:24:02] It turns somebody should do something into, hey God, I think you're calling us to this.
[00:24:07] So if you're ready to jump in or just wanna learn more about what Crossroads believes about money, you can do so at crossroads.net slash give.
[00:24:14] And hey, one more thing.
[00:24:15] We want to make an impact, and Go Day is right around the corner.
[00:24:18] May 16th, this is how we are looking to make an impact in our communities.
[00:24:22] Not just discussing need, but actually stepping into it.
[00:24:25] That's what Go Day is.
[00:24:27] If you're a part of our Anywhere community, this is for you too.
[00:24:29] It means you get to bring this thing where you are.
[00:24:31] A couple examples of this.
[00:24:33] Wendy in Orlando, she's new to her neighborhood, so she's turning her pool into the gathering spot, inviting friends and neighbors to pack relief kits for families of Ronald McDonald House.
[00:24:43] Another one, Mark and Carminia leading two projects near Carmi's hometown in La Paz, Bolivia.
[00:24:47] They're bringing supplies to help homeowners with repairs that they've needed for years.
[00:24:52] It'll make a huge impact.
[00:24:54] So maybe for you, it's a neighborhood cleanup.
[00:24:57] Maybe it's helping a local church or nonprofit.
[00:24:59] Maybe it's doing some landscaping, whatever it is.
[00:25:02] Man, this is a chance to make an impact.
[00:25:04] So last week we saw Anywhere Projects pop up in Michigan and Detroit and Indy, all over.
[00:25:09] You can actually select your city and help sponsor an event before March 30th.
[00:25:14] We'd love to have you, have you do that.
[00:25:16] Now your city, your neighborhood, your people, you can join a project, you can help create one and lead one.
[00:25:22] Jump in, make something happen, all right?
[00:25:25] So whether it's Crossroads Live events, Go Day, or giving all of this, and the info is at crossroads.net slash anywhere.
[00:25:33] Now today, Allie Patterson is teaching about relationships and the simple truth that the life God designed for us was meant to be walked out alongside others.
[00:25:41] not in isolation, but that God wants us to experience the fullness of relationship.
[00:25:46] And that can't happen alone.
[00:25:48] The spiritual life isn't a solo sport.
[00:25:51] It's one that's meant to be walked out in the context of community.
[00:25:54] Let's take a look at this right now.

[00:26:12] [SPEAKER SPEAKER_03]
[00:26:12] Would help us see clearly our relationships today

[00:28:45] [SPEAKER SPEAKER_02]
[00:28:45] because I believe that you have people to walk with us.
[00:28:51] Thank you for your promise to never leave us.
[00:28:53] And I actually pray that you would bring us flesh and blood people that would help us to believe you. In Jesus' name, amen.
[00:29:05] Well, great to be with you this weekend, everyone. My name is Allie, and I'm one of the teaching pastors here at Crossroads. If you're new, it's great to be in community with you this weekend.
[00:29:15] We're taking a few weeks and we're talking to our future selves, future you, future me, and we're asking the questions like, is there a way to wise up about how we're living our lives today and what we're planting in our life, what will it grow later? Jesus put it like this. If you
[00:29:31] sow thorn bushes, you're not going to pick a fig from it. And the Bible talks about this kind of wisdom that we need to wise up a little bit in terms of reaping and sowing. Whatever we sow
[00:29:44] today, we're going to reap tomorrow. And some of the fruit of our life we can actually foresee, but most of us have a long list of like, oh, I should have seen that one coming. You know what
[00:29:57] I mean? I have this list. I will admit, as a parent, I'm the one with the longer list of man shouldn't I have seen that coming in our household. I tend to like to say yes to things, like sounds
[00:30:09] like a great idea. Let's give that a shot. Like my kids, when they were little, came to me on a summer afternoon and said, can we make a water slide out of our swing set? And I was like,
[00:30:20] sounds great. Let's do it. So we turned the hose on full blast and point it down the slide. And I just plopped a baby pool at the end of the slide. What could possibly go wrong here? What could
[00:30:32] possibly go wrong? So my first kids go down the slide and they kind of landed the baby pool. It was sort of working. And I really didn't think about how a lighter, younger, smaller child was
[00:30:43] going to do on this little scenario. So my youngest daughter goes down the slide and flies off the end of it and face plants into the retaining wall about five feet away. When my husband came home and found this kid, he was like, are we serious? Are you serious? You did what?
[00:31:06] Didn't you see that coming? I guess the answer was I was willing to take the risk. I'm not sure I really did. We tend to live our lives like that. Like we just either don't want to see or don't
[00:31:18] want to do whatever it is that would be doing, we would be doing today in order to get good stuff out of our life tomorrow. And there, there really is quite a bit of wisdom in the Bible that goes
[00:31:28] something like this. If you do something dumb, you're going to face plant in the retaining wall, you know, and we're trying to get a hold of that for our lives and our relationships, because I believe much of the fruit of our life is actually foreseeable because it's linked to
[00:31:44] exactly the seeds that we are planting today. And I think that God has more life for us.
[00:31:49] He actually wants our lives to be on a trajectory where through all the ups and downs, we are becoming more and more and more alive. And if I think about that through the lens of
[00:32:00] our relationships, we are becoming less and less lonely, more and more purposeful, more deeply satisfied, more deeply fruitful. That is the trajectory that I believe God wants to put your life and your relationships on. And so we're going to ask ourselves the question today,
[00:32:19] are there things I could be doing in my relationships right now, right here today, that will have great fruit five years from now, 10 years from now, 20 years from now?
[00:32:30] And I think the answer to that is yes, but I'm not sure we're always sowing the seeds of it.
[00:32:36] I was at a Reds game last week and I was sitting there watching, like it was sadly not a great game till like the last inning or two.
[00:32:44] But I'm watching this game.
[00:32:45] It's a gorgeous day.
[00:32:47] There's a group of people I had my eye on and they were clearly like a group of friends.
[00:32:52] And most of them were sitting there with their phone right in front of their face, not looking at each other, not looking at the game. And I just thought, how often do all of us do that? And we don't recognize that's a seed. The question is,
[00:33:06] what's it growing? What's the relational fruit that we're actually growing with all kinds of tiny little seeds like that today? So we're going to talk to our future selves and look at two things. And these two things are deceptively simple sounding, but we're going to dive into
[00:33:25] them. I think there's two things. If current us did, future you would be very thankful. First of all, decide who. Decide who you want to be in your life. And the second thing is to show up for them.
[00:33:41] There's some very specific ways that the Bible tells us to show up in order to develop great relationship in our life. So we're going to look at both of those today. And the first one is to
[00:33:52] decide who. I don't know if this is good news or bad news for you but I think for me it's a relief but I think future or I'm sorry current us is actually carrying too many relationships. We're
[00:34:07] trying to hold on to probably a lot more relationships than we actually have space for.
[00:34:13] The truth is we are limited relationally. I think usually we kind of figure this out at some point Like, I just can't be best friends with everybody.
[00:34:21] You know, we say things like that when we realize that.
[00:34:23] Well, we hit a relational wall at some different points in different kinds of relationships.
[00:34:28] But the question is, do you actually know where those are?
[00:34:31] Are you doing it on purpose?
[00:34:33] Are you deciding who is in your life on purpose in a way that recognizes what your threshold is, what your capacity is?
[00:34:43] I wrote a book a couple of years ago on the relationships in the life of Jesus.
[00:34:48] And I didn't really set out to write a book on that topic.
[00:34:51] I rather just read the Gospels and got curious about what I was watching Jesus do.
[00:34:56] And so I was noticing, oh, he has some patterns of relationship.
[00:35:01] There's a few people that are really close and he only does certain things with them.
[00:35:06] Then there's this other realm and he does a different sort of thing and he gives them more of this.
[00:35:11] And then there's these other people.
[00:35:13] And so I just started noting he's got patterns.
[00:35:15] He's got ways.
[00:35:16] he's got methods of how he seems to be interacting in relationship. And I just got curious, started to sketch some things out. And as I did the research for that book, I came across a modern
[00:35:28] social relational theory that is pretty widely accepted. I think gut level, you're going to agree it kind of checks out. It's called Dunbar's number. So some research was done, presumably by somebody named Dunbar, and came up with this theory that we actually have relationship
[00:35:44] thresholds at some different points in our capacity to hold relationships. And Dunbar's number is 150. That's like the max in terms of honest to goodness social relationship of people you can sort of carry along and truly know. There are some realms outside of that I didn't bother to put up
[00:36:04] there because the 150 is sort of the max threshold. But then below it, there are some other ones.
[00:36:10] five of what he called intimates closest people 15 close friends 50 he found there's a threshold at 50 that's that is something that Dunbar called a personal network we'll talk more about that in just a minute and I I was really interested in this so I just kind of tucked it away
[00:36:30] and considered it I wonder if there's something like that in the life of Jesus that I could see because I was already sort of mapping out these relationships. So I gave it a shot, and turns out
[00:36:43] it's strikingly similar. In Jesus's life, we see that he has, in the years of his public ministry, where we have a good record of his relationships, right? So this is the years that we're looking at.
[00:36:55] He seems to have three that get full access. Peter, James, and John. Peter, James, and John.
[00:37:02] Peter, James, and John. If you read the books of his life, you'll hear those three names over and over again and notice they get more of him. Then he's got a line at 12. This is probably
[00:37:15] the most common group to us that we look at. It's his disciples, the people he was shoulder to shoulder with all the time. He taught them. He traveled with them. He worked with them. He ate
[00:37:26] with them. You know, this is his gang. And Dunbar had this number at 15, called it close friends.
[00:37:31] These are your people. And then Jesus had a line around 72. We'll take a look at that one in just a second. And then I tried to count up all, it gets a little squidgy because sometimes people
[00:37:43] are mentioned in groups and you don't know exactly how many are there, you know, that kind of thing.
[00:37:47] But we are in the ballpark. And this got me thinking, what if there's a design? What if God designed us intentionally with limitations at different points, at different thresholds? And yeah, sure, we might vary a little bit around those numbers. We don't need to follow those
[00:38:07] off a cliff. But what if there's a design? Does that mean that today, if you and I made some choices inside that design, our relationships would be better off for it? I had somebody, when I was talking to some people about this, like, hey, does this check out in your own life?
[00:38:22] I had somebody tell me that she had, she was absolutely convinced that she had 22 best friends.
[00:38:29] and I was like I don't think you do I'm pretty sure you don't and she was firmly convinced but we carry people along for all different reasons and we don't make decisions about who gets access
[00:38:44] who gets time who are we actually planting seeds with in each of these spaces and I wish so much I wish so much that I could take you into everything I saw everything I learned about
[00:38:58] all these spaces, but I can't. And I picked one for us to jump into today together because I believe it is our biggest opportunity. It might be the least defined realm and the most powerful
[00:39:15] if we would plant seeds and actually invest in this space for our relationship future.
[00:39:21] It's the third layer of both of those charts.
[00:39:26] Dunbar called it your personal network.
[00:39:28] I called it, in the life of Jesus, I gave them names of core, circle, comrades, and community.
[00:39:34] So this would be the comrades realm, the 72.
[00:39:38] Now this is a very interesting relational realm and one that I'm not sure in our life we actually give a lot of thought to.
[00:39:45] I think rather it's more common that we just sort of have a haphazard collection of people?
[00:39:51] Like outside of our good friends, we're like, and the rest of them, you know?
[00:39:57] What if you did some things on purpose at this threshold in your life?
[00:40:03] Let's look at this in the life of Jesus in the book of Luke.
[00:40:07] After this, the Lord appointed 72 others and sent them on ahead of him two by two into every town and place where he himself was about to go.
[00:40:18] And he said to them, the harvest is plentiful, but the laborers are few. Here we have this peak at this group that all we know is that they're called the 72. They sort of appear as if from nowhere, and they're
[00:40:34] not really, they're not really detailed. Or are they? Or are they? What if these 72 are not some random people that pop out of nowhere in the gospels? What if they're the faces and the names
[00:40:50] and the stories that we're reading about all along?
[00:40:54] What if these are the people who interacted with Jesus while he was doing his father's business and he taught them and he healed them and they asked if they could follow him and so he gathered them up into a group
[00:41:06] while he was doing his father's work and they become this group of 72.
[00:41:13] So you've probably would be able to know some of the faces and names that were in this group of people and Jesus certainly did.
[00:41:21] These were not strangers to him. We just don't have the benefit of a list, you know, an attendance list of this 72. And they became the people that Jesus was on mission with. The entire definition
[00:41:34] of this realm of relationship in Jesus's life, and we actually do get some specific names if you know his life, some of the closer ones in this realm might be a brother's sister's trio, Mary, Martha,
[00:41:46] and Lazarus. They're named. He clearly spends time with them. He's clearly on mission with them, but they aren't his best friends. They don't travel with him. They're not in his circle of disciples. So who are they? Well, they're in this realm, maybe among the 72. And this group of
[00:42:08] comrades, as I called them, in the life of Jesus was entirely defined by mission. The mission of the kingdom, the mission to spread the good news that Jesus had come to spread. Do we have people
[00:42:22] in our lives that we purposely keep in our lives because of the mission of God? I don't know that a lot of us do have that. I called them comrades for a very strategic reason. We don't use that
[00:42:36] word very much, right? It's sort of an old timey word. Maybe the only reference I had for it when I chose it was comrade in arms. Anyone ever heard that phrase, a comrade in arms? It's like an old
[00:42:47] sort of military or battlefield term. Yes, exactly. There's a common mission. There's a commanding officer. There's a set of weapons. There's a fight that's taking place. There's an enemy, a common enemy that's being faced. This is how Jesus defined this realm in his life. He trained them. He prayed
[00:43:08] for them. He worked with them. He encouraged them. And then he sent them out to experience the life of God. This, this might redefine how you experience your entire life. Because for us, this is the church. And I don't mean crossroads by that. I mean, you're, you're brothers and sisters
[00:43:29] that also follow Jesus anywhere all over the world. And I believe that God has a personal network of them for you. That was the term Dunbar used for this group, a personal network of 50
[00:43:46] people. Who are those 50? Well, Dunbar doesn't say, but Jesus makes it clear that these people could be, with the right seeds, the people that you push the kingdom of God forward with and who
[00:43:59] actually helps you be on mission. Know what your life is for. Experience the life God has for you.
[00:44:06] become more fruitful, go deeper in your faith? What if? What if he had a personal network for you? I want you to meet one of mine. Her name is Hannah. You may recognize Hannah. She was the host
[00:44:20] of our run journey just recently here at Crossroads on video. She did a fantastic job. I met Hannah years and years ago now. And she said, after we got to know each other a couple years in, she goes,
[00:44:33] you know no offense but when we first met I wasn't really looking to be friends with a you know 40 something white lady. She's like there's a lot of them around here and I wasn't really
[00:44:47] looking for that and I was like fair enough no offense but how did we discover each other?
[00:44:53] We discovered each other because we were working on the same mission and while we were doing that we kind of were like, oh, you, you, oh, yeah, I noticed you. Like you kind of follow Jesus like
[00:45:07] I do. You kind of care about some of the same things I do. You kind of have some of the same gifts that I do. And while we were moving in the kingdom of God on the mission of Christ, like
[00:45:17] with other believers, we're like, oh, you, that's interesting. I wonder, I wonder if we should know each other. Yeah. The answer is we definitely should have. And now years later, she's actually she actually mentors one of my daughters who would have been like a baby at the time that I met her
[00:45:35] you never know what God has planned for these kinds of relationships and you can't foresee them all you can do is begin moving in his mission and start to look around and go who else are you
[00:45:50] bringing around me and here's the thing about the gospel it really doesn't care what your personal preferences are. When the gospel binds us to people, it's not people necessarily like us at all. Why would that be? Well, let's think about what the gospel actually is. When we receive
[00:46:15] as truth that the Son of God took on flesh, came to earth, lived a perfect life, died on the cross in our place for our sins rose from the dead to welcome us into the eternal life
[00:46:32] of God by the presence of his spirit within us and that spirit is in every piece of his body every single believer every single brother and sister in Christ that you have has the same
[00:46:50] spirit bound together by the same love. They really don't care if your algorithm will feed you their social media page. If they look like you, if they're your age, if they're your life stage, if they have kids and you don't, if they're single and you're married, it does not matter.
[00:47:06] The love of the gospel binds totally unlike people into one mission with one commanding officer and begs us to participate in the amazing, powerful life that that can actually bring.
[00:47:21] And so many of us go through life and we're like, I went to church. They're fine. You know, nice people. And then we go back to the real people that we live our lives around.
[00:47:34] What if the love of God was a different kind of love? There's four different words for love in the Bible. We only have one in the English language. We got to, you know, got to up our game
[00:47:45] here. It's so helpful to realize that the love that God has for his family, it's called storge love. It's a very specific kind of love. It's an automatic bonded love, like from a parent to a child. I don't love one of my kids more because they have a certain kind of personality,
[00:48:07] because they prefer certain things or they like certain activities.
[00:48:13] This is an automatic, completely bonded, deep love through the Spirit of God.
[00:48:20] That's the kind of love that brothers, literal brothers and sisters, pieces of the body share with one another.
[00:48:29] And really, I don't think God cared at all that Hannah was much younger than me, was single at the time, we had nothing alike, we had no friends in common.
[00:48:38] It just doesn't matter in this realm of relationship in your life.
[00:48:43] What God is concerned with is who he wants to connect you to on his mission so that you experience the life that he actually has for you.
[00:48:53] Comrades really aren't built primarily on compatibility, but on covenant.
[00:49:01] It's like this bonded promise from God that you're together.
[00:49:05] So if you want this realm of relationship in your life, to be more strategic, to develop over time, there's one thing that we have to start doing and it's showing up, showing up in a very specific kind of way. Now, I think we discourage,
[00:49:26] we, I, when I say we, I mean the like royal we here at Crossroads. We say things like, um, show up and you'll find your people. But how many of you have shown up somewhere and you're
[00:49:39] like they weren't here. Whoever those people are, they weren't here. Those people weren't my people, you know? And that happens a lot. And I think we accidentally discourage the continual showing up to develop these kinds of relationships in our life. So I've rewritten it. I'm going to give
[00:50:00] you a new version of it. See how you feel about this one. Show up consistently over a couple of years and you will discover an interesting collection of 50 to 75 people who will slowly
[00:50:13] become an unexpected clarifying presence and strength in your life. But it's going to take a while. How do we feel about that one? Better? I don't know. Do we like that better or not? But
[00:50:26] that has actually honestly been much closer to my experience. But there are some very specific ways that we can begin showing up for each other. If you want comrades, you want this realm of personal network in the kingdom of God, you've got to show up. And I just have to say a word to,
[00:50:47] I'm a Gen Xer and I'm noticing something below Gen X, all y'all. We've softened what it means to show up. Now, if you give a boomer an RSVP, they're doing it. They're going to, they're doing
[00:51:05] it. They're going to check their calendar. They're going to put it right there and they're going to tell you within 48 hours. And if someone gets sick, they're going to change the number. That's a boomer RSVP if I've ever seen one. Yes. Now, below Gen X, not so sure. RSVP? You mean you want
[00:51:26] me to tell you I'm going to come? Now? Are you serious? Are you kidding me right now? We had this babysitter for years when my kids were little and we adored her. She went off to college at one
[00:51:39] point and we went to visit her and we were just talking about college life and how it worked. And I made the comment to her at the time that my husband and I went to college when no one had a
[00:51:48] phone. Like you, you didn't walk around with a phone. And she goes, how did you find your friends when you went out? I said, now brace yourself, brace yourself. I'm going to tell you the secret.
[00:52:04] and I said we made a plan and then we showed up no that would never work he goes you mean that like you just decided and that was it and I was like we did we just said I'll see you at Mac and Joe's
[00:52:29] at 11 and she goes well what happens if they didn't come I was like well then sorry she goes you mean if if if they were like somewhere else in the bar it was crowded and you never saw him
[00:52:38] that was it. I was like, that was it. She's like, again, definitely wouldn't work. We had the funniest conversation. There's like, there's, we don't, we've softened what it means to kind of actually show up somewhere. And our devices aren't really helping us because they, you know,
[00:52:56] they let us like, you know, we can reach anybody, anytime, any place. You don't really have to commit. We'll see. It'll be later. I don't know. Maybe. Future you needs to know what it looks like
[00:53:10] to show up in actually all of those spaces. But we're particularly talking about what it means to show up as a comrade, as somebody who's trying to grow relationship in the kingdom of God.
[00:53:22] There's a few verses in the book of Romans chapter 12 that Paul writes. And I'm going to highlight four of these verses. The whole passage is great. He says a lot of different things, but I think
[00:53:33] these four verses contain some insight into our biggest opportunities, given like the culture we live in. If we want these kinds of relationships, what sort of seeds should we be planting? Now, Paul has just said at this point in time in the book of Romans, he's just kind of reminded them,
[00:53:48] you're part of a body. You're part of a family of God. And then he says this, love one another with brotherly affection outdo one another in showing honor do not be slothful in zeal be fervent in spirit serve the Lord rejoice in hope be patient in tribulation be
[00:54:08] constant in prayer contribute to the needs of the saints and seek to show hospitality he goes on to say some other things but these four verses encapsulate I think what might be our biggest opportunity to start planting seeds, to start showing up in these spaces so we've got
[00:54:27] something good that's growing. The first thing he says is love one another with brotherly affection.
[00:54:33] I'll give you three guesses as to what kind of love he's referring to. You're only going to need one. It's store gay love. It's the bonded, connected, automatic love of God that flows through his family. Love one another like this. And then the words that he gives here, they are not
[00:54:53] emotional words. They're not showing up emotionally for somebody. I think that's great. I'm sure it's embedded in part of what's going on here. But what he chooses are effort, energy, action language. He says, outdo, honor, serve, contribute, show hospitality. He's talking about actually doing
[00:55:19] the work of the kingdom of God together. Now, the things that he names here happen to also interestingly be, they appear in a different form on other lists that Paul writes, gifts of the Spirit. So, he's basically saying gifts of the Spirit like hospitality, prayer, compassion,
[00:55:36] giving, service. These are things that the Spirit of God that runs through the family actually empowers us to do. And we just start doing them together. And as we do them, comrades are not so much chosen. We're not, remember, we're not auditioning and selecting
[00:55:55] the ones we like. They're revealed to us as we do that. As we begin to use the gifts that the Spirit empowers us to do and we actually show up to do them, that's when we begin to have revealed
[00:56:11] to us like, oh, that's one of your people. It's not so much about chemistry as it is about consistently showing up. Now, I'm going to go super old school right now and say, I love a Zoom
[00:56:24] as much as the next gal. I like the flexibility that sometimes online gives us. It's definitely a blessing in some ways. It is not a blessing to these relationships. We need to actually be around one another doing the things of the kingdom of God together in order to develop this
[00:56:44] relationship realm in our life. And so where your feet are is where you're going to find those people. I found one of them really unexpectedly. I would call him a comrade of our family. We got
[00:57:03] to know him years ago. His name is Kent. This is Kent. And that's him with my oldest son a handful of years back. And yes, they're holding a fathead. My son was a senior. I'm the kind of mom that
[00:57:14] makes fatheads your senior year and shows up and waves them around at things. That was, I think, his 18th birthday dinner. So we had met Kent years before that. And we would pick up our kids from
[00:57:25] the fourth, fifth grade room, or one of our kids was in the room at the time, from the fourth, fifth grade room at Crossroads Eastside. And so every time we would come to pick them up, Kent
[00:57:34] would be at the door. He was a regular volunteer in that room. And you know, they got to find their shoes or their friend or whatever. So you exchange pleasantries. So we got to know Kent's face and
[00:57:42] name that way. And then he moved over and his volunteering was in high school ministry about the time that that son was in high school. And he began to come to his basketball games. Probably
[00:57:54] his sophomore year, I'm going to guess. Definitely several seasons in a row. So Kent starts showing up the basketball game, let me describe the progression for you. First season, it was like, oh, there's that guy from church. Oh, hey, what's up? And he would be there all the time, every game.
[00:58:14] And I thought, oh, that's really nice. I think he's coming to watch Andrew. That's super cool.
[00:58:19] Nice guy, probably. But hey, second season, it was more like, this is our friend Kent. And we would sit together more often than not. Small talk. You know, we learned what did he do? You know,
[00:58:36] where's he coming from? Where's he going? What's his family like? You know, just small talk.
[00:58:40] And by the third season, my husband or myself would text him from the parking lot like, we're running late. Can you save us seats? And also don't get under the blower. I hate it when
[00:58:50] it blows on my hair. And you know, just like, what are you doing after? We're really hungry.
[00:58:54] We forgot to eat. Do you want to go get some pizza with us? And now he like makes us cheesecakes on our birthdays and stays in our house while we go on vacation. You know, how did that happen? Well,
[00:59:04] he showed up. He just started showing up. And it's crazy how that happens because what was he doing?
[00:59:12] It's interesting. We met him as a weekly volunteer. I'm not sure exactly what he would say if you asked him like what gifts he thought he had, but clearly a student thing, you know, fourth, fifth
[00:59:22] grade, high school. He's just showing up doing the things presumably that, you know, he can do inside the church on God's mission.
[00:59:34] I don't know what language he would use for it.
[00:59:36] And boom, there's people next to him all of a sudden.
[00:59:42] And we got to kind of pick him up and carry him along with us.
[00:59:48] That's sort of how God develops this network of people or this personal network in the kingdom of God.
[00:59:55] What did Paul say?
[00:59:57] You're part of the body of Christ.
[00:59:59] Well, we all want to know what we can do with our life.
[01:00:03] And Paul's answer is, you're a body part.
[01:00:06] Start being your body part and look around.
[01:00:11] These are the people that I want to connect you to.
[01:00:14] I think that God is constantly telling us that.
[01:00:16] Now, women, Crossroads women, I have an invitation for you to develop these relationships one step further.
[01:00:23] And it's at the Ignite conference coming up in a handful of weeks.
[01:00:27] It's on June 6th.
[01:00:29] Crossroads Eastside is the host site this year.
[01:00:31] And that's exactly what we're doing.
[01:00:33] One day, not even a whole day.
[01:00:36] And what we're going to be doing is asking, what has God equipped me to do?
[01:00:40] And how can we coach and encourage each other to take steps forward and actually do that?
[01:00:45] And oh, by the way, there's going to be like 2,000 other women who are trying to live the kind of life that you're trying to live.
[01:00:52] Why don't you come?
[01:00:54] Like, why don't you take a step and see maybe God will have somebody there that day that he intends to connect you to as part of your kingdom network.
[01:01:05] We've had those stories all the last couple of years when we've done that conference because that's exactly what we're there to do.
[01:01:12] We need to experiment.
[01:01:14] It's okay not to know what body part you are.
[01:01:15] Just start experimenting and something actually kind of incredible happens when you show up consistently, in person, with your gifts. There's this net that gets kind of pulled together under your life. That's how I would describe it. My honest to goodness experience kind of with this
[01:01:35] realm of relationship over the last 20 years is that I try something and it might fit or I might discover something, but I usually find a person to take with me. I was a student ministry volunteer.
[01:01:50] here. Middle school is maybe not quite my vibe, but I learned in that space. I love to teach, and I also picked up a couple of young women who are still in my life today. I was a greeter
[01:02:03] here for a while, and I learned that some of you want to hug everybody. I only want to hug some of you. But I learned powerful, powerful to begin to see the same faces. We tend to come through the
[01:02:21] same door. I'll bet you're sitting in the same section. You know, I'll bet you're, I'll bet you're with the same people. If you're at a site or you're online, I'll bet you're doing it the same way you
[01:02:31] usually do it. And you begin to experience like, oh, this, this is interesting. And the waves of loneliness that come at all of us, do you know that if you ask someone, they would absolutely
[01:02:43] verify that the same voice that talks to you, talks to them, you're alone. Nobody knows if you're here. Nobody cares what you do. That voice comes at all of us. It makes a run at every single
[01:02:56] person in every single life. And the more I showed up and allowed God to begin to connect this network in my life, the more reluctant I was to believe that. Because even if I was lonely in some
[01:03:11] way, I began to see like I have this net that's being woven under my life of people that I'm beginning to take with me as this network in the kingdom. I went to woman camp this last year. I'll
[01:03:25] share this picture with you. And I've been at most, I think almost every woman camp and most of them I am working, but I'm also experiencing camp too. And I had a campsite this year and it was some
[01:03:38] people that were also working camp, but we took fire time just like everybody does at camp. And there was just some awesome stuff that happened around our fire. And I thought there's something special about the connection that this campsite is experiencing. I wonder if I could just carry
[01:03:54] some of these women with me. Like, I wonder what God will do. And I've learned to be on the lookout for it now. And I experienced something. I was like, God is, I think, connecting us in an
[01:04:05] interesting way. So I have a fire pit and I thought they could just come to my house. We'll just have another fire. I didn't have a big plan. I just invited them over. And so we did that a few
[01:04:15] times through the fall after woman camp. And, you know, we're not alike at all. A couple of us are married. A couple of those people are single. Some of us have kids. Some of us don't. We're
[01:04:30] different ethnicities. We had different jobs at camp. And yet the Lord was doing something interesting, connecting our lives. One of them is from far away and just moved here not too long ago and ended up spending Thanksgiving with our family because they couldn't, they couldn't make
[01:04:42] it home to their own. One more step. So God begins to tie these relationships together so that we experience increasingly this strength of this network in his kingdom. And it's all from showing up, deciding who God is pulling out of the crowd to us, and just taking that person
[01:05:07] one step further. I have a final encouragement from the book of Galatians. Same guy, Paul, that we've read in the book of Romans. He says this. He kind of doubles down on some of these same
[01:05:18] concepts. We heard this at the beginning. And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap if we do not give up. So then, as we have opportunity, let us do good to everyone and
[01:05:34] especially to those who are in the household of faith. Who's the household of faith? Your brothers and sisters in Christ. Paul is saying if you keep doing good, you keep showing up, you keep after
[01:05:46] that group of people, you will reap. There will be a harvest. There will be a network. There will be a community. There will be days where your relationships are deeper, less lonely, and much, much, much more fruitful. That's what God wants for us. And so I know that this is the kind of
[01:06:06] message where you get to the end and you're like, I should totally do that. Let's do it. And then we leave. I don't want that. Instead, I want you to walk out with one tiny little seed. So I'm going
[01:06:24] to give you about 15 seconds, 25 seconds to ask God just quietly by yourself, what is the one seed that you want me to plant for those kind of relationships to grow in my life
[01:06:38] because it could be anything.
[01:06:41] Only he sees what's coming in five, in 10, in 20 years.
[01:06:45] You and I have no idea, but if we ask him, he'll tell us the seed.
[01:06:51] So let's do that.
[01:07:17] Father, I ask that you would be very specific, very specific about one tiny little seed for each of us that you know what it's gonna grow.
[01:07:29] we don't see but you see and help us to do what it is that we need to do to plant that seed and water and tend it and believe that you have a harvest for us Lord I believe that I know that
[01:07:47] you want us connected to you and to one another and to expand your kingdom together Lord would you bring those relationships into full bloom in our life in Jesus name. Amen. Amen. Well, here comes somebody for you. Hannah's back. We'd love to encourage you, connect with you any way

[01:08:26] [SPEAKER SPEAKER_00]
[01:08:26] that we can. Now, lastly, just a quick reminder, Go Day coming up May 16th. We'd love for you to join us in making an impact and serving all over the map. All the details, crossroads.net
[01:08:37] slash anywhere. Thanks so much for watching. We'll see you next week at Crossroads.