The Fruit of Self-Control: Grace, Not Willpower

• Self-Control and the Fruit of the Spirit [00:03:48 ▶️ 📄]
  > The pastor argues that self-control is not merely self-improvement or willpower, but a spiritual fruit requiring the Holy Spirit's help to glorify God and love neighbors.
• Critique of Willpower and Shame [00:09:20 ▶️ 📄]
  > The pastor debunks common approaches to self-control, specifically sheer willpower and fear/shame tactics, arguing they are unsustainable and contrary to Jesus' invitation to grace.
• Appetite Management [00:16:00 ▶️ 📄]
  > The pastor explains that sin distorts natural appetites (hunger, security, intimacy), and self-control involves managing these appetites through the support of the body of Christ rather than isolated effort.
• Distortion of Natural Appetites [00:17:11 ▶️ 📄]
  > The pastor explains that natural needs like hunger, security, and intimacy become sinful when they control us, leading to selfish or destructive behavior.
• Self-Control and Discipleship [00:17:44 ▶️ 📄]
  > Maturing as disciples involves growing self-control to recognize and withstand temptation, understanding that appetites are distortions of normal needs.
• Community and Spiritual Discipline [00:18:33 ▶️ 📄]
  > Self-control is achieved not through isolated heroic effort but through the help of the Holy Spirit, the body of Christ, and spiritual disciplines like prayer and Scripture reading.
• Seeking Professional and Community Help [00:21:30 ▶️ 📄]
  > The pastor advocates for seeking help from others, including therapists and recovery groups, framing it as strength and courage rather than weakness.
• Practical Application of 'Today' vs 'Never' [00:20:43 ▶️ 📄]
  > Using Matthew 6, the pastor suggests focusing on 'today' rather than making absolute promises like 'never,' to reduce shame and increase awareness.

• Sermon Illustration [00:01:37 ▶️ 📄]
  > The pastor references a Mad TV clip about self-control to illustrate the absurdity of expecting instant results. He also uses a detailed personal anecdote about the difficulty of opening a pomegranate (requiring multiple tools and steps) versus the ease of buying juice, to illustrate that self-control is hard work that requires help and support, not just individual heroic effort.
• Sermon Illustration [00:19:08 ▶️ 📄]
  > The pastor describes a common cycle where individuals promise God they will never repeat a sin, mean it seriously, but repeat it days later, leading to shame. He uses this to illustrate the need for breaking the 'unthinking' cycle and seeking help.
• Sermon Illustration [00:21:46 ▶️ 📄]
  > A brief humorous reference to the TV show 'Newhart' regarding therapists, used to lighten the tone while recommending professional therapy.

• Pastoral Charge [00:23:57 ▶️ 📄]
  > The pastor invites those struggling with self-control or related sins to speak with him or other church leaders.
• Pastoral Charge [00:24:16 ▶️ 📄]
  > The pastor directs the congregation to verbally surrender their struggles to God during the upcoming reflection time.

[00:00:00] [SPEAKER SPEAKER_00]
[00:00:00] Good morning church. Good morning. Today's scripture reading comes from James chapter 1 verses 19 to 22.
[00:00:09] You must understand this, my beloved brothers and sisters. Let everyone be quick to listen, slow to speak, slow to anger, for human anger does not produce God's righteousness.
[00:00:23] Therefore, rid yourselves of all sordidness and rank growth of wickedness and And welcome with meekness the implanted word that has power to save your souls.
[00:00:34] But be doers of the word and not merely hearers who deceive themselves.
[00:00:41] The word of God for all people.
[00:00:43] Thanks be to God.

[00:00:44] [SPEAKER SPEAKER_03]
[00:00:44] We're going to begin this morning.
[00:00:57] Well, I'm going to pray.
[00:00:59] Then I'll tell you what we're going to do first.
[00:01:01] So let's pray.

[00:01:04] [SPEAKER SPEAKER_04]
[00:01:04] God, we thank you for the gift of your word, for the presence of your Holy Spirit with us, leading us and guiding us and growing in us these fruit of the Spirit.
[00:01:17] So God, bless us as we hear your word proclaimed this morning.
[00:01:22] And may the words of my mouth and the meditations of all of our hearts be acceptable in your sight, O Lord, our rock and our redeemer.
[00:01:30] Amen.
[00:01:31] So this morning we're going to start with a video clip.
[00:01:35] It's pretty old.
[00:01:37] It's from the series Mad TV.
[00:01:41] All right.

[00:01:42] [SPEAKER SPEAKER_01]
[00:01:42] go go tell me tell me about the problem that you wish to address oh move hearts

[00:01:55] [SPEAKER SPEAKER_02]
[00:01:55] I have this fear of being buried alive in a box I just I start thinking about being buried alive

[00:02:07] [SPEAKER SPEAKER_01]
[00:02:07] and I begin to panic has has anyone ever ever tried to to bury you alive in a box

[00:02:14] [SPEAKER SPEAKER_02]
[00:02:14] no no but truly thinking about it does make my life horrible I mean I can't go through tunnels or be in an elevator or in a house anything boxy so what what

[00:02:31] [SPEAKER SPEAKER_01]
[00:02:31] you're saying is you're you're claustrophobic yes yes that's it all right well let's go Catherine I'm not I'm going to say two words you right now I want you to listen to them very very carefully then I want you to take them out of the office with you and
[00:02:49] Incorporate them in into your life

[00:02:52] [SPEAKER SPEAKER_02]
[00:02:52] So I write them down

[00:02:55] [SPEAKER SPEAKER_01]
[00:02:55] Well, if it makes you comfortable, it's just two words most we find most people can I can't remember them

[00:03:02] [SPEAKER SPEAKER_02]
[00:03:02] Okay, you ready? Yes. Okay here there stop it. Yes

[00:03:18] [SPEAKER SPEAKER_01]
[00:03:18] S-T-O-P, new word, I-T.
[00:03:22] So, what are you saying?
[00:03:26] You know, it's funny.
[00:03:28] I say two simple words, and I cannot tell you the amount of people who say exactly the same thing you're saying.
[00:03:35] I mean, this is not Yiddish, Catherine.
[00:03:37] This is English.
[00:03:39] Stop it.
[00:03:40] So, I should just stop it.
[00:03:42] There you go.

[00:03:48] [SPEAKER SPEAKER_04]
[00:03:48] So, that's my sermon on self-control.
[00:03:50] Thanks.
[00:03:51] Stop it.
[00:03:54] Uh, Oh, wouldn't it be great if it was that easy? That would be incredible for us if it, if it were that easy, but there's more to it than that. Obviously. Otherwise self-control would not be included in this list of things from Galatians five, this list of fruit that
[00:04:15] require the presence and help of the Holy spirit to make these things grow in our lives. And self-control is the last thing listed, which in what Paul is doing in Galatians 5 is called a
[00:04:29] virtue list. And in Greco-Roman times, these were really common in rhetoric, these lists of things you should do. And the last item on the list is supposed to be the one that kind of supports or
[00:04:43] it's kind of like the culmination of all the others that have come before. The first one is super important any of these lists and the last one is really important so we have love and self
[00:04:54] control framing the list of the fruit of the spirit we need help with self-control now like the rest of the fruits in the list the fruit of self-control is more than just self-improvement It's more than just self-improvement.
[00:05:15] The fruit of the Spirit is not nine steps to a better you.
[00:05:24] What's that?
[00:05:31] This is not, Paul is not giving us a motivational speech.
[00:05:36] Paul is not telling us how to live our best life.
[00:05:40] You and me, we're not the focus.
[00:05:44] We're not the focus.
[00:05:46] These are nine characteristics, what we've been talking about the past couple of months, The nine characteristics of a Spirit-led, Christ-centered community of disciples who love God and love their neighbors in tangible and recognizable ways.
[00:06:04] These fruit of the Spirit are what people should experience of us as a church and when they encounter us in the world as disciples.
[00:06:18] and it's not just self-improvement it's growing in love grace and holiness through the power of the holy spirit working in us we practice self-control in order to glorify god by how we live that's a theme in scripture that how we live what we say what we do what we won't do and what
[00:06:47] we don't say that is a witness to the god at work in us and uh times i often pray before worship or um i've prayed this uh when i'm praying with worship team before leading worship when i've
[00:07:06] played with the praise team or whatever that god would make me or god will make us transparent so that people would see through us and see god so that's part of the point of the fruit of the
[00:07:18] spirit that when we live in the world and these fruit are growing in us, that people see through us and see God. So we practice self-control in order to glorify God. We practice self-control in order to serve one another in the body of Christ. This is part of the point of what Paul
[00:07:35] is talking about is how we live and grow together as a community. We practice self-control to love our neighbor as Jesus has commanded us to do. And sometimes we like to get picky about that,
[00:07:51] right? We like to say, well, I'll love my neighbor if they meet these criteria.
[00:08:00] But those people, not so much. That's not our call. Whoever is in our field of vision at any given moment is our neighbor. So the fruit of the Spirit, especially self-control, help us to love
[00:08:19] our neighbor as Jesus has commanded. Listen to what Paul says in 1 Thessalonians 4. For this is the will of God, your sanctification. That just means being made holy. Your sanctification, that each one of you know how to control your own body in holiness and honor. Paul continues, so that no one
[00:08:39] wrong or exploit a brother or sister in this matter. What that's telling us is that we practice self-control. We control what we do with our bodies, not so we'll be admirable, great, wonderful people, but so we don't wrong a brother or sister. So we don't exploit someone else. So how do we
[00:09:05] grow in self-control? Let's start with some common approaches that don't actually work over the long call. Let's look at what doesn't work. That video clip was an example of the first one.
[00:09:20] Stop it is not an approach, but you've tried it, haven't you? And haven't you tried telling somebody else to stop it? Sheer willpower is not sustainable long-term. It doesn't work over the long term. And it's a pretty familiar go-to for a lot of us when it comes to self-control.
[00:09:45] we try really hard and then we fail and we say, I tried really hard and I failed. I'll just try harder. Doesn't work. Rinse and repeat. You know, it's a little bit like telling a clinically
[00:10:04] depressed person to cheer up. Or it's like saying to an alcoholic, hey, just quit drinking. Stop.
[00:10:15] That doesn't work. So sheer willpower. And if willpower worked, it wouldn't be listed in the fruit of the Spirit, by the way. If willpower worked, it would not be listed in the fruit of the Spirit.
[00:10:27] Now, for a lot of Christians, I mean, a lot of people do this, but Christians, I think, are pretty susceptible to this. The fear and shame approach is a common tactic. If we can make
[00:10:42] people afraid to mess up, to sin, to make mistakes, then maybe that will give them some self-control.
[00:10:49] or if we can make people ashamed, if I can be afraid and ashamed, then that will help me overcome what I'm battling. Does that work? No. Does it make it better or worse? It makes it worse.
[00:11:05] Whatever we're trying to manage in ourselves. Now, fear and shame work in the short term.
[00:11:12] It's kind of deceptive because at first it seems to work, but then it falls apart, which creates more fear and shame. Fear and shame, not sustainable at all, mainly because it's directly opposed to Jesus' approach of invitation, encouragement, and grace. Jesus doesn't
[00:11:40] invite us to fear or shame, but deeper relationship. Jesus doesn't invite us to fear and shame, which isolates us. Jesus invites us to relationship with God and with one another.
[00:11:53] It also doesn't work because you have to keep up a steady supply of fear and shame, leading people to be scared, angry, judgmental, and full of self-loathing.
[00:12:07] And that ain't got nothing to do with Jesus.
[00:12:11] The work of the Spirit does not lead us to greater fear or anger or hatred.
[00:12:16] The work of the Spirit leads us to life and grace and liberation from the power of sin and fear and hatred.
[00:12:27] That's why I'm saying it.
[00:12:29] Melody said, that'll preach.
[00:12:30] I'm like, I know, I'm saying it.
[00:12:34] The fear and shame approach inevitably leads to repression, which creates all kinds of problems over time.
[00:12:41] It leads to denial and dishonesty.
[00:12:44] That fear and shame approach will force us to put on a pretty little mask and pretend like everything's okay, because we're terrified of letting people see us.
[00:12:53] We're terrified maybe even of acknowledging this to God.
[00:12:56] So we put on the mask and we pretend like everything's okay.
[00:12:59] And you know what?
[00:12:59] That's called hypocrisy.
[00:13:02] Because hypocrisy just means play-acting.
[00:13:08] Fear and shame don't work when it comes to self-control.
[00:13:11] It's not the way of Jesus.
[00:13:14] Self-control is a fruit of the Spirit.
[00:13:18] Not of our labor alone.
[00:13:20] Not of exhausting effort.
[00:13:23] Good fruit does not grow out of the dirt of fear and shame.
[00:13:28] It is a fruit of the Spirit.
[00:13:29] With the Spirit's help, we grow and mature into greater self-control.
[00:13:36] and yeah honestly it's hard work at times it's hard work you know I was going to demonstrate how to open a pomegranate today and I looked up a video of how to open a pomegranate and the thing
[00:13:53] was 10 minutes long I said nope not doing it it requires if opening a fruit requires more than one tool or implement I probably ain't going to do it and with the pomegranate I would have needed a
[00:14:10] table, a bowl of water and a knife and a strainer. Like that's four things. I'm not doing it. So apparently what you do to open a pomegranate, you got to take a knife and cut along. There's
[00:14:20] bumps here, six little bumps, cut along the bumps, not all the way into it. Already I'm lost. Like how, what do I do? And then you peel it. You don't open it all the way. You kind of peel it and then
[00:14:30] you put it in water for a little bit and then you kind of open it up even more and drop all the seeds, kind of hit it and drop all the seeds into the bowl of water. And there's a bunch of stuff
[00:14:39] like pulp and stuff that you have to separate in the water.
[00:14:41] You see why I'm not doing this in my sermon.
[00:14:45] So we're going to keep that guy right there.
[00:14:50] That's a lot of hard work, but there are all kinds of benefits.
[00:14:55] Pomegranates, their seeds are packed with nutrients, rich in antioxidants, helps decrease inflammation, benefits the heart, digestion, urinary health, and it helps the brain.
[00:15:06] And they sell pomegranate juice, and all you've got to do is twist the cap.
[00:15:12] So if anybody here made any kind of dessert with pomegranate, you ought to be reimbursed for your work that you did doing it.
[00:15:22] Self-control is a little bit like that.
[00:15:25] It takes work.
[00:15:27] It takes a lot of work.
[00:15:28] It takes help.
[00:15:31] You're not going to open a pomegranate.
[00:15:32] I could open this by myself.
[00:15:35] There are a lot of brick walls outside.
[00:15:37] I could probably figure out how to get into it.
[00:15:40] But if you want to actually make the best way of opening that in your kitchen without making a huge mess, it's going to require some more things, some help.
[00:15:50] The same with self-control. We need some help with self-control.
[00:15:55] And here are some kind of aspects of what that looks like for us in everyday life.
[00:16:00] The first thing we need to think about is appetite management.
[00:16:06] Appetite management.
[00:16:08] In our scripture this morning, James, it's focused on anger.
[00:16:13] It's a place where a lot of us struggle with our self-control, right?
[00:16:17] For some of us, when we get angry is when we kind of loosen our grip on self-control.
[00:16:25] And some of us, when we get angry, we say things and do things.
[00:16:32] It just kind of gets out of our hands.
[00:16:34] We just get self-control as a problem when we're angry.
[00:16:36] That's what James talks about.
[00:16:38] Paul usually focuses on sinful relationships and inappropriate intimacy, along with greed on occasion.
[00:16:46] So both James and Paul are basically talking about how these, when we lose self-control, that potentially harms other people and ourselves and it harms our relationship with God.
[00:16:59] Now these things, in terms of our appetite management and sin and loss of self-control, these things are all distortions of natural, normal appetites and needs.
[00:17:11] We all experience physical hunger.
[00:17:14] We all have the need for security.
[00:17:17] We all have the need for intimacy and the drive to procreate.
[00:17:21] We all have natural, normal human appetites.
[00:17:24] The problems start when those appetites control us and lead us to selfish, sinful, destructive behavior.
[00:17:36] Sin twists and distorts these needs or appetites, bringing harm to ourselves and others and leading us away from faithfulness to God.
[00:17:44] So maturing as disciples leads us to greater self-control, growing strength to recognize and withstand temptation, understanding that it's distortions of what are normal appetites, and understanding that the normal appetite of physical hunger can lead us to overindulgence.
[00:18:06] The normal appetite, the need for security, can lead us to greed.
[00:18:12] The normal appetite for the need for intimacy and drive to procreate can lead us to exploitation, lust, and dehumanizing other people.
[00:18:25] Sin twists these things and they begin to overtake us.
[00:18:30] Our appetites begin to control us.
[00:18:33] With the help of the Holy Spirit, we grow in our ability to manage these appetites appropriately within the context of God's love and purpose for our lives and not through isolated individual heroic effort but through the help and support of the body of Christ.
[00:18:51] We help one another grow in this way.
[00:18:55] The Spirit also leads us to growing awareness of God's presence and growing awareness of what's happening in us.
[00:19:03] Our motivations, our weaknesses, our triggers, our temptations.
[00:19:08] Okay, so have you ever, and I'll do a show of hands because it's fun, Have you ever unthinkingly found yourself doing something you promised to never do again?
[00:19:18] Anybody?
[00:19:20] Like you said, I'll never do that again.
[00:19:22] And it's like you wake up and you're doing it again.
[00:19:28] I'll tell God, I'll never do that or say that or act that way.
[00:19:33] You can fill in the blank there.
[00:19:34] I'll never do that ever again.
[00:19:37] And you mean it when you say it, right?
[00:19:38] You are serious.
[00:19:40] You mean business this time.
[00:19:42] God, this time I'm for real.
[00:19:44] I mean it.
[00:19:45] Three or four days later, same thing.
[00:19:49] And then we pray, God, here I am again.
[00:19:57] God's like, I know.
[00:20:01] Does that reduce God's love for us, by the way?
[00:20:08] But we want to break that cycle.
[00:20:12] Part of growing as a disciple is reducing the unthinking part.
[00:20:20] Growing in our awareness.
[00:20:25] of what we feel, what we're thinking, what's happening in us or around us.
[00:20:31] In terms of self-control, it's also helpful to not use words like never or always.
[00:20:43] As Jesus teaches us in Matthew chapter 6, very end of Matthew 6, it's more helpful to keep our focus on today.
[00:20:54] Sometimes we mess up, we lose self-control, and we mess things up in a way we're very familiar with, and we kind of pull ourselves together and we say, I'm never doing that again.
[00:21:05] And then, y'all, never's a long time.
[00:21:09] Following Jesus is a better way to think about that.
[00:21:11] I'm not going to do that today.
[00:21:14] I'm not doing that today.
[00:21:16] So it helps focus our awareness on what's happening today.
[00:21:23] It's also an invitation for us to seek help from others, to get support, to talk to somebody else.
[00:21:30] And sometimes these places where we lose self-control, we require dramatic intervention.
[00:21:35] Sometimes it requires recovery and recovery groups.
[00:21:41] Sometimes it needs the help of a therapist.
[00:21:46] A better one than Newhart, apparently.
[00:21:48] But a therapist.
[00:21:51] Talk to somebody to help increase your awareness and to help you.
[00:21:58] So we might be helped in this self-control.
[00:22:01] What also helps us with the fruit of self-control is practice.
[00:22:07] Practice.
[00:22:08] Also known as spiritual discipline.
[00:22:12] Which leads to greater awareness, by the way.
[00:22:14] What helps us day to day is cultivating a life with God through prayer, through devotion, through worship, through Christ-centered relationship with other disciples, with brothers and sisters that can help hold us accountable, and through reading Scripture alone or with a group of study.
[00:22:31] All these things, if we're doing this on a consistent basis, help us with that self-control.
[00:22:37] God works through other people and other resources, some church-related, some therapy, recovery programs, medication, etc., using available resources is not a sign or weakness or failure.
[00:22:49] Don't put that in a fear-shame cycle.
[00:22:52] These are things God has given us to help us.
[00:22:56] And seeking help for these things is an indication of strength and courage and an acknowledgement that God works in a number of ways to help us grow.
[00:23:12] The first step, however, is acknowledging to God, God, I need your help.
[00:23:17] God, I need your help today.
[00:23:21] And growing in that awareness.
[00:23:24] Growing in self-control along with the rest of the fruit of the Spirit is the result of an ongoing process of the Spirit's work together with our own work and effort.
[00:23:36] And our prayer for you as we've gone through these nine weeks looking at the fruit of the Spirit is that the Spirit is working in you to cultivate all of these fruit.
[00:23:47] Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self.
[00:23:55] And let me extend this invitation.
[00:23:57] If you're struggling with something I've talked about today, with self-control, if you're struggling with any of these things, talk to somebody.
[00:24:07] Certainly come talk to us.
[00:24:10] And this morning, during our reflection time, Valerie's going to be singing.
[00:24:16] If you need to give that to God, that first step is giving that to God and saying, God, I need your help.
[00:24:20] That's what you need this morning.
[00:24:22] If you need that, we're going to invite you to come and pray at the altar.
[00:24:26] And maybe you're not praying for yourself.
[00:24:29] Maybe you're praying for somebody else in your life who's struggling in some way.
[00:24:35] So the altar is open this morning as Valerie comes and sings for us.
[00:24:40] Before she comes, let me pray.
[00:24:45] Gracious and holy God, we thank you for the gift of your Holy Spirit that cultivates and grows these fruit of the Spirit in us.
[00:24:52] God, help us to be open.
[00:24:56] May your word, your truth, your love take root in our lives.
[00:25:00] and may it bear the fruit of the Spirit in our church and in each one of us.
[00:25:06] Lead and guide us, God, to greater self-control as we grow, as we mature in Christ.
[00:25:14] Give us an awareness of Your presence, but also of those places where we need Your help.
[00:25:22] Lead us, God, not to be controlled by our appetites, God, but to be led by You.
[00:25:34] to be led by our Lord Jesus Christ.
[00:25:39] May we grow in your grace and share that grace with others.
[00:25:43] In Christ's name we pray. Amen.