The Anatomy of True Repentance: Distinguishing Godly Grief from Worldly Sorrow

[00:00:02] [SPEAKER SPEAKER_00]
[00:00:02] Would you do what we've done every week in this series thus far? Would you join me in standing for the reading of God's Word?
[00:00:08] 2 Corinthians 6 and 7. You listen as I read it to you.
[00:00:15] Chapter 6, verse 1, working together with him then, we appeal to you not to receive the grace of God in vain.
[00:00:24] Jump to chapter 7, verse 8, for even if I made you grieve with my letter, I do not regret it, though I did regret it.
[00:00:31] For I see that the letter grieved you, though only for a while. As it is, I rejoice, though, not because you were grieved, but because you were grieved into repenting. For you felt a godly
[00:00:41] grief, so that you suffered no loss through us. For godly grief produces a repentance that leads to salvation without regret, whereas worldly grief produces death. For see what earnestness this godly grief has produced in you, but also what eagerness to clear yourselves, what indignation,
[00:01:00] what fear, what longing, what zeal, what punishment. At every point, you have proved yourselves innocent in this matter. In verse 16, I rejoice because I have complete confidence in you. This is the word of God for the people of God. Thanks be to God. You may be seated.
[00:01:24] This past summer, Veronica, my wife and I celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary.
[00:01:29] So I know these claps are for her.
[00:01:33] I wanted to get her a little piece of jewelry to reward her for sticking with me for that long because I cannot imagine having to be married to me for 25 years.
[00:01:41] And so I went out shopping and had to get immediately caught back up on how to shop for a diamond, something I have not really had to think about seriously for about 26 years.
[00:01:51] A lot has changed in the diamond market since I shopped for Veronica's engagement ring back in the 1900s, by the way.
[00:01:58] diamonds diamonds as you might remember are evaluated according to the four C's carrot which refers to the diamonds weight cut which affects not only the shape of the diamond but also the the sparkle the brilliance then there's
[00:02:12] color which experts rank from D which is colorless to Z which is light yellow or even brown and let me tell you you can get those Z diamonds for quite a discount finally there is clarity clarity which measures the amount of
[00:02:27] flaws and blemishes in the diamond. But nowadays, nowadays, because of the improvements in lab grown diamonds, which are amazing, by the way, if having a naturally grown diamond is important to you, well, they say you got to look beyond the four C's and beyond the sparkle. An expert has
[00:02:46] to examine the internal structure of the diamond. Nowadays, it is the inward structure, not the sparkle or the brilliance or the four C's that help you determine authenticity. Paul's concern in the book of 2 Corinthians is helping the Corinthians to distinguish the authentic from
[00:03:07] the merely sparkling in regards to Christianity. And as with the diamond, Paul is going to explain that that's got a lot to do with inward formation, not outward brilliance. Now, up until this point in 2 Corinthians, Paul has primarily applied that grid to church leadership, showing the Corinthians
[00:03:26] how to distinguish true apostles from fake apostles. Paul has said that true apostleship has less to do with the flashiness of the gifting and more to do with their inward conformity to Christ. But now in chapter 6 and 7, Paul turns the focus of this question back onto the Corinthians
[00:03:46] themselves. He's not talking about him as a leader anymore. He's talking about them.
[00:03:50] And he gives them a series of tests, so to speak, to determine if their spirituality is real, how to tell the authentic from the fake. By the way, when I say fake, I don't mean just
[00:04:03] blatant hypocrites. I'm not talking about people who got plastered last night and are in church today like nothing happened. No, Paul is talking about the self-deceived, people who are active and regular in church who think things are great they know all the songs and they want to raise
[00:04:20] their hand but paul is saying when you peel back the layers what you'll find is that their spirituality was just not genuine see it turns out that spirituality is something easy to imitate even to the point that you can deceive yourself see i want you to look at how paul opens these
[00:04:36] chapters chapter six verse one we appeal to you not to receive the grace of god in vain Now look at that, church.
[00:04:45] Look, it is possible to receive the grace of God in vain, uselessly, to have the form of godliness, but not the power thereof, which Paul would say in another place, to partake, to sample the gifts of the Holy Spirit
[00:05:03] without them ever actually transforming you.
[00:05:06] That's what Hebrews says.
[00:05:09] Jump to chapter seven, and I'll show you how Paul gives you the first test to determine whether or not it's authentic or whether it's fake. Number one, he asked this question, is your repentance real? In verse 10, chapter 7,
[00:05:23] Paul distinguishes between a godly kind of grief that leads to life, he says, and a worldly kind of grief that leads only to death. Godly grief leads to actual life change from the heart.
[00:05:36] You see what Paul says in verse 11? Look at the earnestness that this godly grief produced in you. Earnestness means that their godly grief gave them a holy resolve to actually change their behavior. Remember, they'd gotten sideways with Paul, and they rejected Paul's teaching, and now
[00:05:52] they wanted to reconcile with him. He says it wasn't just earnestness, it was eagerness to clear yourselves. In other words, they really wanted to show their loyalty to Paul. What indignation, that is indignation toward the people who had caused the relational rift between them and Paul,
[00:06:07] and indignation with themselves for going along with those people.
[00:06:11] What fear, what longing, what zeal.
[00:06:14] In other words, they were internally motivated to change.
[00:06:17] Wasn't like Paul was having to browbeat them or make them feel guilty or lead them by the nose.
[00:06:22] No, what punishment, what punishment.
[00:06:25] By the way, what he means by that is they just did whatever it took to take care of the problem.
[00:06:30] This was true change from the heart.
[00:06:33] And it came from what Paul calls godly grief.
[00:06:38] Christian counselors call this productive sorrow.
[00:06:43] Sorrow that leads to actual life change.
[00:06:48] The clear implication is that not all sorrow over sin, hear me, is godly sorrow.
[00:06:55] Not all sorrow is productive sorrow.
[00:06:58] And hear me, it's got nothing to do with the amount of the tears or the intensity of the emotion, which is how we always measure authenticity.
[00:07:10] Paul does not say, godly grief cries a lot.
[00:07:14] And worldly grief is fairly stoic.
[00:07:18] Surely you have seen people who get caught in some sin, who express a lot of emotion, a lot of regret, self-incrimination, remonstration, self-hatred, and they make all kinds of promises to change.
[00:07:31] But then the situation changes, the threat of consequences or punishment goes away, and they go back to their old ways.
[00:07:39] I've seen situations, multiple situations over the years where one marriage partner for years ignores any plea from their spouse to change.
[00:07:48] They don't wanna go to counseling, they don't wanna get help, but then their spouse declares they've had enough and they're leaving.
[00:07:55] And suddenly that threatened spouse is like, well, what do I gotta do to change?
[00:07:59] I'll do anything, I'll go to counseling.
[00:08:01] And they'll sit in front of me and they'll cry and they'll plead and they'll say to the spouse, I've taken you for granted.
[00:08:08] And they make vows to change.
[00:08:09] They get on their best behavior and it looks sincere.
[00:08:12] So the first spouse says, all right, I'll give you another chance.
[00:08:15] But then a few months later, after the threat of divorce has died down, they go back to their old ways.
[00:08:21] Their tears of repentance weren't true sorrow over sin.
[00:08:25] It was tears of fear of being left.
[00:08:30] Now in saying that, I'm not trying to be cynical.
[00:08:33] I'm not trying to say that this is what always happens.
[00:08:35] In fact, I've witnessed a number of times in this church where the partner truly changed.
[00:08:40] I'm just saying that sometimes this happens and you've probably seen it.
[00:08:45] So the million dollar question is, how do you tell godly grief from worldly grief?
[00:08:50] Christian counselors say this is a crucial distinction.
[00:08:55] And again, it's got nothing to do with the intensity of emotion or the amount of tears.
[00:09:00] It has to do rather with the direction and the object of the sorrow.
[00:09:07] Not about the intention or the intensity of the sorrow.
[00:09:11] It's the direction of the object.
[00:09:12] In short, I would say it this way.
[00:09:13] Godly grief is focused on what your sin did to God or to somebody else.
[00:09:18] Worldly grief is focused on what your sin did to you.
[00:09:23] Worldly grief is upset about the pain that sin brought into your own life.
[00:09:29] Godly grief is upset about the pain that your sin brought into somebody else's life.
[00:09:35] Worldly grief says, well, this sin makes me feel like a bad person.
[00:09:39] It makes me feel guilty, and I don't like feeling like a bad person.
[00:09:43] Godly grief says, my sin hurt you, and I don't want to hurt you.
[00:09:48] This is especially true when it comes to repentance toward God.
[00:09:52] Remember, we saw this in chapter five a few weeks ago.
[00:09:54] Paul described the essence of Christianity as reconciliation.
[00:09:59] Gospel preaching, he said, is the ministry of reconciliation.
[00:10:02] It's not moral reform.
[00:10:05] It's reconciliation to God.
[00:10:06] When you become a Christian, you are reconciled relationally to God.
[00:10:10] That's the core of it.
[00:10:12] You are the prodigal child returning home to the arms of the father that you had rejected.
[00:10:18] The father who had always been good to you.
[00:10:20] The father whose arms had always been wide open to you.
[00:10:24] The father who had always been faithful to you and you spurned him.
[00:10:28] And now you're brokenhearted about breaking his heart.
[00:10:31] Godly grief always has a measure of faith in it, you see.
[00:10:36] Because the more you perceive the love of God for you, the more genuine your sadness will be over what your sin did to God.
[00:10:45] Tim Keller says it this way, he says there's two ways to repent.
[00:10:48] There's two ways to repent.
[00:10:50] One is to come to God and say how sorry you are.
[00:10:53] Say how sorry you are to the great sovereign king of the universe and thank him for not blasting you off the earth.
[00:11:01] But honestly, he says, That kind of repentance won't help you all that much.
[00:11:05] A better approach is to realize that though in Christ, your sins are forgiven, as Jesus's friend, your sins hurt him much worse than an enemy's would.
[00:11:18] Imagine Jesus saying to you, Keller says, after you commit some sin, he looks you in the eyes and he says, if my enemy had done this to me, that would be one thing.
[00:11:27] But you, my friend, look at all I've done for you.
[00:11:31] How could you treat me this way?
[00:11:34] Don't you see, says Keller, there is repentance that creates crushing guilt, and there is repentance that creates melting grief.
[00:11:44] I love that last phrase.
[00:11:45] Crushing guilt or melting grief.
[00:11:49] Crushing guilt is worldly sorrow.
[00:11:53] Melting grief is godly sorrow.
[00:11:57] Here's a little chart I put together that maybe you'll find helpful.
[00:12:00] Okay, I'm gonna compare to you worldly grief and godly grief in a set of little categories here.
[00:12:05] The primary focus of worldly grief is self.
[00:12:10] The primary focus of godly grief is God and others.
[00:12:15] The primary core question of worldly grief is what did this cost me?
[00:12:22] The core question of godly grief is whom have I wounded?
[00:12:26] The view of sin, view of sin in worldly grief is sin is an embarrassment or it's a failure.
[00:12:34] I mean, I gotta self-justify because I feel ashamed.
[00:12:39] The view of sin and godly grief.
[00:12:41] Goodbye.
[00:12:44] There we go.
[00:12:44] View of sin and godly grief is it's a relational rupture.
[00:12:49] Someone I love, I'm now separated from.
[00:12:51] The response to exposure and worldly grief, defensiveness, blame shifting, self-justification, attacking somebody else.
[00:13:01] See, because worldly grief is focused on itself, It does a lot of image management.
[00:13:06] It blames others for your sin.
[00:13:09] You try to show that you really were the victim there.
[00:13:12] Sure, you made some mistakes, you do things differently, but that's only because others have been worse to you.
[00:13:19] It's your spouse's fault, it's your parents' fault, it's your boss's fault, you got dropped on your head as a kid, I don't know.
[00:13:26] And by the way, I'm not saying none of those factors are relevant and I'm not saying they can't be discussed.
[00:13:30] I'm just saying that with godly sorrow, The sorrow that leads to life, the focus is on how your sin hurt the person or the God you sinned against.
[00:13:40] It's not focused on you, either through self-justification or despair.
[00:13:44] It's sorrow is focused on how you hurt them.
[00:13:49] Responsible exposure with godly grief is confession, ownership, clarity, right?
[00:13:55] Trajectory of worldly grief is inward rumination.
[00:13:59] What does this say about me?
[00:14:00] I feel so ashamed and guilty.
[00:14:02] The trajectory of godly grief outward toward reconciliation. The end result of worldly grief is death in the form of isolation, hardening, or despair. The end result of godly grief is life in the form of repentance,
[00:14:18] reconciliation, hope, and change. Y'all, so much of the sorrow that we see expressed in our culture today when sin is exposed is worldly sorrow. People say things like, oh, I can't believe I did this. I can never forgive myself. Y'all, those things sound so humble and contrite, but they
[00:14:41] show the person is still focused on themselves. Or they'll say, it's not me. I'm a victim. I had childhood trauma. I had PTSD or whatever it is. And again, I'm not saying there's no validity
[00:14:52] to that. I'm just saying that the focus stays on them and not on the ones that they have hurt.
[00:14:59] The Bible provides us with a lot of examples of worldly grief. Cain, after he killed his brother Abel was terrified of the consequences of his sin and he pleaded with God for a second chance.
[00:15:10] And yet Cain never expressed any sadness over what he had done to his brother or any sadness toward God about how he had forsaken the God who had been so good to him. Or there's Esau.
[00:15:24] After Esau had traded away his birthright for a pot of soup, begged God through tears to get it back. And yet he never lamented how little he valued his relationship with God, how he dishonored
[00:15:38] God, and how willing he had been to throw God's presence away for a quick thrill. Both those guys were sad about the consequences of their sins. They were sad about what sin indicated about them,
[00:15:49] but they were not brokenhearted about hurting and dishonoring the God who had reconciled himself to them. The best biblical account, contrast of worldly and godly grief, of course, is Judas and Peter. Think for a minute about how similar their sins were. Both betrayed Christ on the night that
[00:16:08] he died. And it was not like Judas' sin was a lot worse. Both forsook and denied Christ. Both wept bitter tears of regret because of it. And yet, Judas ended up committing suicide.
[00:16:23] And Jesus' verdict on Judas' life was it would have been better for that man for him never to have been born. Peter, on the other hand, went on not only to find forgiveness, he went on to
[00:16:33] be commissioned as the most important leader of Jesus' church. Why the difference? Why the difference? It had nothing to do with who sinned worse. It had nothing to do with who cried more.
[00:16:45] They both sinned and cried about the same amount. It had to do with the direction and the object of their sadness. Judas stayed focused on himself. Peter focused on the precious, faithful Savior that he had hurt, the Savior who had gone to a cross to reconcile himself to him, the Savior who
[00:17:01] had always been his best friend, and the Savior who was going to be resurrected from the dead, and he was brokenhearted. How could I betray somebody who loved me so much and been so faithful
[00:17:11] to me? Godly grief always begins in faith. Our own director of counseling, Brad Hambrick here, Dr. Brad Hambrick says it this way, repentance does not begin with remorse. If that were the case, then we would say the cure for guilt begins with feeling worse. No, repentance begins with a
[00:17:30] genuine trust in God's character, with the belief that what God wants for us is what is best. It begins in faith. There was another one of my favorite authors, Jack Miller says, there's nothing more dangerous than grieving over your sins without faith in Christ. So friend, let me
[00:17:49] just ask you this morning, what kind of repentance have you had? Does your repentance produce actual lasting change from the heart? Did your repentance move you toward God or is it moving you away from
[00:18:03] him? By the way, in our G4 groups, which help people through crisis and addiction and trauma, this is a central concept. If you're struggling through this, you should consider going.
[00:18:14] Just Google G4 Summit Church and you'll find everything you need. By the way, you have to add the word church. If you just do G4 Summit, you're going to end up in the middle of a discussion
[00:18:23] about the Security Council, the UN.
[00:18:26] Okay, great discussion, but totally different.
[00:18:28] G4 Summit Church.
[00:18:30] Paul's first question, was your repentance real?
[00:18:34] And y'all, I'm sure we could sit there all day long.
[00:18:36] I did this week and I'm still pondering this before the Lord.
[00:18:40] But let's keep moving, okay?
[00:18:42] Because Paul gives us a second question.
[00:18:44] Question number two is what influences are you surrounding yourself with?
[00:18:50] Paul says, if you're serious about this, You're gonna ask yourself what influences you're surrounding yourself with.
[00:18:57] Look at verse 14, chapter six.
[00:18:59] Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers.
[00:19:03] For what partnership is righteousness with lawlessness?
[00:19:05] What fellowship is light with darkness?
[00:19:07] What accord has Christ with Belial?
[00:19:11] Belial, by the way, is a reference to Satan.
[00:19:14] It literally means the worthless one.
[00:19:16] Isn't that a great name for Satan, the worthless one?
[00:19:18] What portion does a believer share with an unbeliever?
[00:19:22] what agreement has the temple of God with idols for we are the temple of the living God as God said I will make my dwelling among them and I will walk among them and I will be their God
[00:19:32] and they shall be my people we will be so close I therefore go out from their midst meaning the world's midst and be separate from the world says the Lord touch no unclean thing then I will
[00:19:43] welcome you and I will be a father to you and you will be sons and daughters to me says the Lord Almighty. First thing to notice here is that Paul says God has called his people to be different
[00:19:56] from society around them. Radically different, offensively different. Literally verse 17, come out from among them and be separate. The authentic Christian life is hard. You hear me?
[00:20:13] It's hard because it is counter-cultural. The historian Larry Hurtado in his book, destroyer of the gods, explains that despite being fiercely persecuted, the early church grew rapidly in the first two centuries. And that was because, he said, they were completely distinct from Roman
[00:20:33] society in five major ways, ways which both infuriated, that's the persecution, and attracted, that's the growth, other citizens of the Roman Empire. First, he says, they were doggedly committed to the poor and the marginalized. In fact, one Roman emperor I've told you about,
[00:20:55] Julian the Apostate, complained in a letter to a friend that he could not stop the growth of the Christians because, he said, the followers of that wretched Galilean take care not only of their own poor, but ours also. Wherever there is a thriving Christian community in our empire,
[00:21:13] he said, poverty in that place just disappears. Second, Dr. Hurtado says, they were committed to forgiveness and reconciliation.
[00:21:23] Christians were not the only people persecuted by the Roman Empire, not by a long shot, but they were the only group who sought to love, bless, and forgive in response to the persecution.
[00:21:32] Third, their church communities spanned classes and ethnicities.
[00:21:37] The Roman Empire had brought to the world something up until this point nobody had ever seen before, and that is these large metropolitan cities.
[00:21:45] For the first time in history, people of vastly different cultures lived and worked literally on top of each other.
[00:21:50] and that led to all kinds of social strife and class warfare. Churches were the only places in the whole empire where the different classes and different ethnicities got along. They called each other brother and sister and they treated each other as equals. That was both attractive
[00:22:08] and repulsive to the Roman empire. Fourth, you'll find this one fascinating. They were strongly pro life. Abortion and infanticide were huge things in Rome. They didn't have the morning after murder pill like we have it. So if a Roman had an unwanted baby, they would simply leave the baby
[00:22:27] out on the doorstep and the trash collector would come by in the morning and take away the dead body of the baby. You go back and read the literature from the first couple of centuries, Christians
[00:22:34] became famous for these things they call baby runs. They go out at night and listen for the cry of babies and they would take these babies left on the doorstep to die into their own homes and
[00:22:44] raise them as their own children. Fifth, Hurtado says they had counter-cultural sexual ethics.
[00:22:52] The whole one man, one woman in marriage thing was wildly counter-cultural in Rome.
[00:22:58] Now, I would say that is still a pretty good list for how we're different, right?
[00:23:02] And so when we live those five things out right there, we are both appealing to outsiders and infuriating to them at the same time.
[00:23:11] For example, state number five, we believe Jesus is Lord over everything.
[00:23:19] So I'll just say it as plainly as I can.
[00:23:21] God created two genders, male and female.
[00:23:23] that is something he assigns at birth that you cannot change he designed marriage to be the only place the two different genders come together sexually and that that is the only place he intends sex to happen between a man and
[00:23:35] a woman not a man and a man or a woman and a woman and only within marriage sex is not about your preferences or about your desires and when I preach that it infuriates some people I know I get the letters and yet and yet right now many
[00:23:54] are saying anecdotally that there is a phenomenon of gen z in the united states and the uk coming back into church especially young men they say and one of the reasons sociologists say it is happening
[00:24:06] is the bewilderment created by all the gender confusion and forced woke ideology there is a generation particularly of young men right now saying this can't be right this is insane and And they're finding a different story
[00:24:19] in Bible teaching churches, and that is appealing.
[00:24:23] Our message on these things is both infuriating and appealing, and I'm not changing it.
[00:24:29] Because what's popular in culture changes, but Jesus never does.
[00:24:32] And we're just gonna stick with him, okay?
[00:24:39] We'll take number three on the list.
[00:24:41] We seek unity in diversity at our church.
[00:24:44] By the way, I haven't had a chance to tell you this yet.
[00:24:46] We had a big goal at the end of last year that we've been working on as a church for about seven years.
[00:24:52] Seven years ago, circa 2018, we set a goal to become 25% ethnically diverse by 2025.
[00:24:58] We called it 25 by 25.
[00:25:00] At the time, we were only like 15, 16%, something like that, ethnically diverse.
[00:25:05] For seven years, we've been working toward it and praying about it, and we had not hit it in the seven years.
[00:25:11] Well, in the church survey we took at the end of 2025, we crossed that line, snuck it in right at the buzzer, okay?
[00:25:17] We are now 25% ethnically diverse, And that is really appealing to some people because, okay, because when you come into a church like that, where you got people of different nationalities and different ethnicities, sometimes we even disagree on minor things
[00:25:37] and how society ought to work, but they are united in praise to Jesus, that gives you a little taste of heaven.
[00:25:43] It's appealing to people, but it's also infuriating to some people.
[00:25:47] And I get letters from them, why are we celebrating this this just feels so woke and dei and quotas to which i'm always like our goal has nothing to do with dei or quotas or virtue signaling god has called this church to
[00:26:00] reach all peoples in this community and the triangle is only 56 white i mean if we're only reaching 56 of our community we're only doing half the job right our goal we say is to reflect the
[00:26:15] diversity of our community that's a mission thing and proclaim the diversity of the kingdom that's a gospel presentation thing it's not about dei or quotas it's about jesus and the great commission again that is appealing to some and it's infuriating to some but it's who we are now
[00:26:33] i could go on and on and on we are distinct paul says that's what god has called us to and living that way is hard it's hard to swim opposite the culture on all these things it's hard to always
[00:26:45] be the oddball in the room one of your college classes always putting your hand up going i don't don't think that's right. And if you're serious about it, Paul says, you're going to have to ask
[00:26:55] yourself, what influences am I surrounding myself with? So now go back to verse 14. Therefore, Paul says, don't be unequally yoked, literally other yoked with unbelievers. What partnership can righteousness really have with lawlessness? Real quick, this is an illusion from the Old Testament.
[00:27:10] In Deuteronomy 22.10, God's law, his holy law forbids the yoking of an ox and a donkey together.
[00:27:19] This is a double yoke up here.
[00:27:21] You put, you know, two animals in there and they pull together, two openings.
[00:27:24] You were not allowed, according to God's holy law, to put an ox in one of those yoke and a donkey in the other one.
[00:27:32] Now, that was really practical instruction because an ox and a donkey pull in such different ways that it would really frustrate both animals and it would make a mess of the field.
[00:27:42] But still, I mean, that's practical, but that seems like a pretty odd thing for God to include in his holy law, right?
[00:27:48] Worship no other gods, thou shalt not murder.
[00:27:50] No adultery, don't have an ox and donkey plow together.
[00:27:54] Like, why would God care about that, right?
[00:27:57] That's a great question.
[00:27:58] Stay with me.
[00:27:59] A lot in the Old Testament law was intended to be symbolic.
[00:28:03] It was a practical illustration that taught a spiritual principle.
[00:28:07] And the lesson here is that you should mix things that pull in opposite directions.
[00:28:13] God was less concerned about inefficiencies in farming and he was more concerned with his people corrupting themselves with bad influences.
[00:28:22] That's what Paul picks up on in 2 Corinthians 7.
[00:28:26] He says, if you're yoked up with an unbeliever, if you're partnering with an unbeliever, you're gonna pull in two different directions.
[00:28:33] Listen, who you put in your immediate community has the most formative effect of anything else in your life, period.
[00:28:42] I don't care what kind of sermons you're listening to.
[00:28:44] Whenever I speak at a student camp, on the last couple nights, I always tell these high school students that if they are serious about following Jesus, it has to affect the makeup of their friend group.
[00:28:57] And if they make a decision to follow Jesus and they don't make adjustments to their friend group, I don't care how much they cry at the altar on the last night, they're not gonna make it.
[00:29:06] I've literally never seen it happen.
[00:29:09] And that's because Proverbs 13, 20 says, he who walks with wise men will become wise, but the companion of fools will be destroyed.
[00:29:17] Or here's the way we always say it around the Summit Church, Your friends are the future you.
[00:29:22] You will become, I always tell my kids this, you will become the average of your five closest friends.
[00:29:28] You show me your friends and I'll show you your future.
[00:29:31] Your friends are the future you.
[00:29:34] Literally, in fact, I saw this stat the other day.
[00:29:37] Some of you resolved to lose weight this year.
[00:29:39] You don't need to raise your hand, okay?
[00:29:41] But you're like, I'm gonna lose like 10 pounds, 20 pounds, whatever.
[00:29:45] Get this, this study.
[00:29:46] If your spouse gains weight over the next few months, there's a 37 chance you will gain weight also if your sibling gains weight you got a 40 chance of gaining weight in the next several months but if your closest friend gains weight that number
[00:30:04] jumps to 60 the single biggest factor in whether or not you accomplish your weight loss goal is what your friends do so if your bestie is always texting you telling you the hot now sign
[00:30:19] is on at Krispy Kreme, right? It might be time for y'all to have a talk. Your friends are the future you. You show me your friends, I'll show you your future. College students, it's why we encourage
[00:30:32] you to make Summit College or some campus ministry a core part of your college experience because you become the average of your five closest friends. If you were stoned last night, chances are three or four of your friends were too. And if you're chasing after God with all your heart
[00:30:48] right now, chances are three or four of your friends are involved in that also. You say, now, pastor, you're telling me to get rid of all my non-Christian friends? No, I'm not saying that, neither is Paul. Paul very clearly says, 1 Corinthians 5.10, he literally says, I'm not
[00:31:02] telling you to stop hanging out with the sexually immoral of this world because God left you in the world to be a witness to them, and in order to witness to them, you got to be around them.
[00:31:09] In 1 Corinthians 10, a few chapters later, he says, hey, I want you to eat in the houses of unbelievers, and I want you to shop in their store. So he's not telling them to withdraw completely.
[00:31:18] Rather, what he is saying is that when it comes to your close friends, your core group, those you partner with, those you yoke your lives up together with, those need to be believers going the same
[00:31:29] direction and the same speed as you are. Over the years, I've used this little graphic that I find helpful. I've showed it to you before, but it's very helpful. It's very simple. Think of your
[00:31:37] friendship like this, friendships like this. You got your core group down here. There's not room in the circle for more than three or four. Obviously, your spouse is there, boyfriend, and girlfriend, these are your closest friends. Your community, these are the people you do life
[00:31:50] with. Your small group, that circle of friends, most of those should be believers. You can have some unbelievers in there and family and work and all that stuff, but your community, because of how it shapes you, mostly should be believers. Then you get your circle of concern. That doesn't mean
[00:32:05] you don't spend time with these people, you're not around them, or you don't care about them that much. It just means that you recognize God has you in their life to be a witness to him. What I'm
[00:32:14] saying to you is that if you're serious about this Christian life, some of you need to move certain friends out of the core circle here to the circle of concern. By the way, you don't need
[00:32:25] to send them an official notification of this, okay? Hey, just FYI, you've been moved to the circle of concern. No, that is just for you in your head. Again, I've yet to see somebody get
[00:32:37] serious with Jesus and make it when their choice to follow Jesus did not affect the makeup of their friend group. One of the most important places to apply this is, of course, who you date and marry
[00:32:49] because marriage is the ultimate yoke, the ultimate partnership, right? You're going to share everything together. You're going to share your hearts, your lives. Eventually, you'll run a home and a budget. You're going to raise kids together. And I'm telling you,
[00:33:04] it becomes exponentially harder to live out the Christian life when you're yoked up with somebody who doesn't share your core commitments and pulls the other direction. Now, I know some of you are in that situation because you're married to an unbeliever
[00:33:16] and you became a Christian after and Paul has instructions for you in 1 Corinthians also, okay?
[00:33:21] I'm just talking to those of you who hadn't made that decision yet.
[00:33:24] I cannot tell you how many sincere Christian people I have seen go wrong just from dating the wrong person.
[00:33:31] When some Christian is dating a non-Christian, I'm always like, have you thought about all the parts of your life this person is gonna affect?
[00:33:40] Your kids, one day, one day you're gonna love those kids more than you love anything in the world.
[00:33:46] And you're going to bring into their lives as a primary influence, somebody who doesn't love and follow Jesus. Now, most Christians, when I talk to them who are dating a non-believer, they're like, well, here's what they think. Eventually they'll come around. To which I'm
[00:34:01] like, you don't know that. And you're willing to take a chance on your kid's future like that.
[00:34:08] And by the way, is that even fair to that person you're dating, dating them, hoping you can change them? I'm not satisfied with you the way you are. I need to change you. And by the way, maybe you're
[00:34:18] listening to me right now, and you're the one who's not a Christian, and you're like, why are you picking on me? Telling her to break up with me? Telling him to break up with me? I'd say,
[00:34:26] look, practically, for your sake, practically, you shouldn't date a Christian unless you plan to become one. Because here's the thing. They're never going to be happy until they convert you.
[00:34:38] I'm just saying. They want to see you become a Christian. They want to see you get baptized.
[00:34:43] You want me to prove that? They invited you here today. And the whole time I've been up here, they've been sneaking little peeks at you, right? See if you're paying attention. I'll tell you something else. Her mom and dad don't really like you yet either. Their whole family is praying for
[00:34:59] you this weekend that you will become a Christian and none of them are ever going to be happy until you do. So I would just say to you, probably it's best not to date a Christian unless you plan to
[00:35:09] become one. Being unequally yoked is not fun for either the ox or the donkey. All right, one other place I want to apply this as we start the new year. If you're serious about following Jesus,
[00:35:21] you got to ask what media influences you're allowing to shape you the average person will watch somewhere between three and five hundred hours of netflix this year some streaming service the average american i'm going to talk about teenagers here i'm talking about adults the
[00:35:38] average american spends two hours a day on entertainment social media like tiktok and instagram okay i'm not hating on that i'm just saying how does that compare to your bible intake You see, just like it is physically,
[00:35:55] spiritually, you will become what you eat.
[00:35:58] Some of you are so concerned with what you eat physically.
[00:36:02] You're counting calories, you're measuring macros.
[00:36:04] We know that because you put all over your Facebook page.
[00:36:08] Great, how about your spiritual intake?
[00:36:10] Are you thinking at all about that?
[00:36:13] Last week, Pastor Curtis talked about how carefully he likes to eat.
[00:36:16] Let me make a confession to you.
[00:36:17] I love Cheetos.
[00:36:21] I really do.
[00:36:23] I've never had a problem eating too much ice cream or candy, but you leave an open bag of Cheetos around me and I will eat my weight in them. I promise. I think they taste amazing, right? And they come in all these different varieties. They're
[00:36:34] addictive and they're healthy with cheese. No, no, of course not. In fact, one day a friend ruined it for me by pointing out the ingredients on the bag. Hey, newsflash, there's not really even any
[00:36:44] cheese in Cheetos. There are, and I quote, dairy derived cheese ingredients, whatever that is.
[00:36:50] it's got micro amounts of nutrients but it's not food it might give you a little burst of energy but you'll never thrive on it in fact the more you eat the worse you feel that's social media
[00:37:03] i'm not saying get rid of your phone i'm not saying don't watch netflix any more than i'm telling you to get rid of all cheetos though those could be great things for you to fast from
[00:37:14] in these 21 days of prayer and fasting and we'll say that what i'm asking is that you commit to making Bible intake a regular part of your life, or at least try it for these 21 days.
[00:37:25] Let me challenge you for a year. Commit to coming to church on a regular or at least a semi-regular basis. And when you have to miss because you're traveling or you're sick, listen to the message
[00:37:38] so that you can stay caught up. Number two, commit to reading the Bible every morning during these 21 days. Just 15 minutes is all it'll take at most. Use the Summit app, the Daily Revival. It's brand new. It's amazing. That's a great place for you to start. Read the
[00:37:55] Bible every morning. Summit app, Daily Revival. And number three, change your radio station this week to one of the Christian stations, 93.9 for music or 105.7 for mostly good Bible teaching, okay? Mix in some great podcasts. Here's number whatever number I'm on. Read a couple of good
[00:38:13] books this year. On my blog, jdgreer.com, I just listed out my favorites from last year, so you can start there if you're looking for recommendations, okay?
[00:38:22] What influences are you surrounding yourself with?
[00:38:24] One more question Paul presents.
[00:38:26] I'll make it real quick, okay?
[00:38:28] Number three, if you're serious, he's gonna ask, are your relationships genuine?
[00:38:34] We've spoken freely to you, Paul says in chapter six, verse 11.
[00:38:39] Corinthians, our heart is wide open and return wide in your hearts also to us.
[00:38:45] Make room in your hearts for us.
[00:38:47] As I said before, that you are in our hearts to die together and to live together. That is a remarkable statement coming from Paul because Paul's relationship with the Corinthians had not been easy. They lied about him,
[00:39:04] questioned his motives, spread gossip about him, and just been downright prickly toward him.
[00:39:09] He had every reason to cancel them, which is probably what most of us would have done.
[00:39:15] If Paul had operated by the rules of modern psychotherapy, Paul would have said, hey, look my counselor told me this is just a negative relationship in my life and he says she says I don't have any space for negative draining relationships so I just got to cut ties from
[00:39:28] you and walk away and find with some positive life-giving people that I spend my life with remarkably however Paul didn't do that did he because that's not authentic Christianity the body of Christ is a place where you don't walk away when things get difficult
[00:39:43] now again I'm not saying I'm not saying there's never a time to step back from somebody I get that.
[00:39:50] I know sometimes there is.
[00:39:51] What I'm saying is that for most of us, church is more like a religious show that you come to once a week than it is a family you belong to.
[00:40:03] Some of you literally sit at home and watch from your couch.
[00:40:08] Listen, watching a show or even coming to a live show is not the same thing as being part of a family.
[00:40:15] A family is where you know and are known and that involves rubbing up against people in ways that are not always pleasant.
[00:40:23] Now, here's a lesson I've learned after 25 long years of pastoring.
[00:40:27] Okay, you ready?
[00:40:27] It's profound.
[00:40:28] You ready?
[00:40:29] Most people are awesome until you get to know them.
[00:40:34] Amen?
[00:40:37] Listen, if your only experience with people in this church is seeing them in here on the weekend, all dressed up, smelling like perfume, smiles on their faces, big Bibles on their hands, saying, bless you, brother, bless you, sister, and all that,
[00:40:48] you probably think everybody's awesome.
[00:40:51] Then you start to get to know them.
[00:40:53] And then you realize everybody's got a prickly side.
[00:40:56] In fact, some of you get that first taste of that in the parking lot on the way out of here, am I right?
[00:41:01] Y'all listen, I love, I love, love, love, I love being involved in this church.
[00:41:05] It is my family.
[00:41:06] It brings so many benefits to my life, but sometimes it's hard because people are hard.
[00:41:14] But if you're serious about walking with Jesus, you'll do it.
[00:41:17] The philosopher Arthur Schopenhauer talked about the porcupine's dilemma.
[00:41:23] By the way, I think this guy came up with this insight because he looked like a porcupine.
[00:41:28] He looks rather prickly himself, if you ask me, okay?
[00:41:31] But the North American porcupine, he's cute, isn't he?
[00:41:33] Isn't he cute?
[00:41:34] Yeah, he's cute, but you should probably be careful if you wanna snuggle with this guy.
[00:41:39] The North American porcupine has around 30,000 individual quills, each with microscopic backward-facing barbs in the tip.
[00:41:46] So here is what Schopenhauer called the porcupine's dilemma.
[00:41:49] Imagine it's a cold night, you got a group of porcupines, you wanna huddle together for warmth.
[00:41:54] They need warmth and tenderness like every other animal but the closer they get to each other the more they prick each other with their quills Schopenhauer says we're the same way I need people close to me that's an important part
[00:42:08] of the Christian life I need them close to me they're cute from a distance but when I bring them close to me their barbs prick me and mine prick them but it's worth it Paul says that's
[00:42:18] what Paul is demonstrating here I opened my heart to you I opened my heart to you dysfunctional Corinthians open yours to me and to each other listen if you're serious about this thing you've got to get involved we have to as Paul says in verse 4 die
[00:42:35] together and live together and you could only do that if you get involved you said well pastor how do I do that come to the next explore the summit your campus pastor will tell you when the next one is or join a volunteer team or
[00:42:50] small group these are all ways of getting to the same place if you were one of the ones who committed to come to Summit for a year, you did that at Christmas, this is your next step.
[00:43:00] It'll be worth it, I promise, I promise.
[00:43:03] Are you serious, Paul says.
[00:43:09] Paul's giving you three questions to ask to help determine whether spiritually you're a real natural diamond or if you're just cubic zirconium.
[00:43:19] Three things that will show you're serious.
[00:43:21] One, your repentance is genuine, meaning you're truly sorry for what your sin did to God and to others.
[00:43:28] you're done blame shifting. You're done trying to self-justify. You're genuinely sorry with what your sin did to God and others. You're ready to change. Number two, you're seriously considering what direction your relationships and influences are taking you. You're surrounding yourselves
[00:43:43] with the right ones. And number three, you're pursuing real relationships in the church because that's where real change happens. Let me just ask you at all of our campuses, if you would, would you bow your heads? This is one of the first Sundays of the year.
[00:43:57] we're about to enter into 21 days of prayer fasting let me just ask you with your head bowed what is the Holy Spirit saying to you he's the best preacher not me what's he got for you
[00:44:13] would you just take a moment and listen take a moment reflect which of these three things has he put his finger on is it about the state of your repentance is it about the influences in your time
[00:44:24] or is it about the real relationships come Holy Spirit right now speak to your people speak to your people in Jesus name would you keep your heads bowed I just want you to sit and listen to the Holy Spirit
[00:44:39] for a few moments and then at all campuses our worship teams will come and they'll lead us