A Diagnosis of ‘Freedom House’: When Self-Help Replaces the Gospel

[00:02:12] [SPEAKER SPEAKER_02]
[00:02:12] Good morning, Freedom House. Welcome this Sunday. My name is Matt, and this is my wife, KT.

[00:02:19] [SPEAKER SPEAKER_19]
[00:02:19] Happy Valentine's weekend!

[00:02:20] [SPEAKER SPEAKER_02]
[00:02:20] Yeah, happy Valentine's Day. Hope you guys had a great time this weekend celebrating.
[00:02:25] I know if we go to the store today, I might try to get some of that discount chocolate. I don't know. We'll see how it goes.

[00:02:31] [SPEAKER SPEAKER_19]
[00:02:31] I mean, yeah. What's your favorite Valentine's candy?

[00:02:33] [SPEAKER SPEAKER_02]
[00:02:33] Uh, ooh, just, I think I'm a classic, like, Russell Stover's box of chocolates, the assortment.

[00:02:39] [SPEAKER SPEAKER_19]
[00:02:39] Okay.

[00:02:39] [SPEAKER SPEAKER_02]
[00:02:39] That's me.

[00:02:40] [SPEAKER SPEAKER_19]
[00:02:40] Okay, but so...

[00:02:41] [SPEAKER SPEAKER_02]
[00:02:41] You don't like candy. What's your favorite?

[00:02:42] [SPEAKER SPEAKER_19]
[00:02:42] So I think a box of chocolates, but you guys have to, I need confirmation from y'all.
[00:02:47] Jump in this chat.
[00:02:49] Do you go through, I know it shows like what kinds are what, but have you ever gotten one and then you just kind of like take a little bite of each and then if you don't like it,
[00:02:58] you just stick it back in the box?
[00:03:00] Someone else has done this.
[00:03:02] It's not just me.

[00:03:03] [SPEAKER SPEAKER_02]
[00:03:03] You take a bite, a nibble, and then you put it back and you don't like it?

[00:03:06] [SPEAKER SPEAKER_19]
[00:03:06] Yeah.
[00:03:08] And then you like eat the good ones and then you go back to the ones that are like, eh, this was okay.

[00:03:12] [SPEAKER SPEAKER_02]
[00:03:12] still candy yeah the orange cream is kind of like right there's a few flavors in there that you're

[00:03:16] [SPEAKER SPEAKER_19]
[00:03:16] like oh i don't know why this is in the box yeah i mean i think i think i'm not the only one yeah

[00:03:21] [SPEAKER SPEAKER_02]
[00:03:21] so let us know jump in the chat trying to get mine loaded right now but from naji from first service we got a couple jokes for you um the first one you already know the answer but i really like
[00:03:32] this one when does a joke become a dad joke i know you know the answer i do okay wait my answer was

[00:03:40] [SPEAKER SPEAKER_19]
[00:03:40] when you have to explain it yes this is a way better answer that is good go ahead but a joke

[00:03:45] [SPEAKER SPEAKER_02]
[00:03:45] becomes a dad joke when it becomes a parent it's good that's good it's super good i love it and uh

[00:03:51] [SPEAKER SPEAKER_19]
[00:03:51] memory's not serving in the second one i know but they were good yeah we love a good dad joke

[00:03:56] [SPEAKER SPEAKER_02]
[00:03:56] so send them in they're so jump in the chat let us know where you're coming from it's cold here today and wet and rainy it's this classic north carolina weather don't know what's gonna get this
[00:04:06] weekend was great i don't know if you guys were outside but it was like 60 degrees sun was out felt good a little cool little brisk but uh i enjoyed it i know yeah so tell us where you're

[00:04:15] [SPEAKER SPEAKER_19]
[00:04:15] joining us from if you're staying at home and you're snuggled up we're a little bit jealous and if you're coming from somewhere warm i also want to know so i can vicariously live through

[00:04:24] [SPEAKER SPEAKER_02]
[00:04:24] you and pretend i'm somewhere nice we still have a lot of that florida blood i think at least i do

[00:04:28] [SPEAKER SPEAKER_19]
[00:04:28] i feel like we do okay wait we had some you had some good facts yes so i did a lot of today in

[00:04:34] [SPEAKER SPEAKER_02]
[00:04:34] history facts so first and foremost 19 and it was uh fact-checked 1903 on this day the first teddy bear was put up for sale at a store i know and not in relation to valentine's day supposedly
[00:04:50] just a weird coincidence and now it turns into like the valentine's day thing you might see it on the street corners saran wrapped those teddy bears with chocolates yes we saw a lot of them

[00:04:59] [SPEAKER SPEAKER_19]
[00:04:59] Is that a thing everywhere?
[00:05:00] I don't know.
[00:05:01] Tell us that, too.
[00:05:02] Maybe it's just Charlotte.

[00:05:04] [SPEAKER SPEAKER_02]
[00:05:04] But also fun facts, and you guys online might know it.
[00:05:08] I don't know if I knew it or not before reading it today.
[00:05:10] Teddy Bear was actually named after President Theodore Roosevelt.
[00:05:15] I know.

[00:05:15] [SPEAKER SPEAKER_19]
[00:05:15] I made him fact-check this because I was like, that's a really cool story, but is it true?
[00:05:20] I don't know.

[00:05:20] [SPEAKER SPEAKER_02]
[00:05:20] Sherry Ott online from Montana, she fact-checked it for us during first service.

[00:05:23] [SPEAKER SPEAKER_19]
[00:05:23] Oh, well, thank you, Sherry.

[00:05:24] [SPEAKER SPEAKER_02]
[00:05:24] But, yeah, and the person who invented it, I forget his name at the moment, but he actually got President Roosevelt's permission to name it Teddy.

[00:05:33] [SPEAKER SPEAKER_19]
[00:05:33] I think that's adorable.
[00:05:34] I feel like I have a new appreciation for teddy bears.

[00:05:37] [SPEAKER SPEAKER_02]
[00:05:37] Then, in 1950, the movie Cinderella came out for Disney.

[00:05:42] [SPEAKER SPEAKER_19]
[00:05:42] That's a good, that's a classic one.
[00:05:45] Wait, no, I have one.
[00:05:46] I have a Valentine's Day-themed one.
[00:05:48] I'm staying on theme over here.
[00:05:50] Staying on theme.

[00:05:51] [SPEAKER SPEAKER_02]
[00:05:51] I'm off theme.

[00:05:51] [SPEAKER SPEAKER_19]
[00:05:51] And this is, like, loose.
[00:05:53] He has real facts.
[00:05:55] Mine are, like, this is a cool thing I read.
[00:05:58] So chocolates, doctors prescribe them to fix a broken heart.
[00:06:04] I don't know what doctor started that.
[00:06:06] I do feel like that's my kind of doctor.
[00:06:07] I want to go see that doctor right away.
[00:06:09] And so then people started selling them in heart-shaped boxes.
[00:06:14] So is that true?
[00:06:15] Who knows?
[00:06:16] Mine are like, hey, I read this.
[00:06:17] I don't know if it's true.
[00:06:18] His are legit facts.

[00:06:19] [SPEAKER SPEAKER_02]
[00:06:19] Yeah.
[00:06:20] I really do probably eat chocolate to feel better.
[00:06:23] I mean, a good chocolate is a good thing, right?
[00:06:26] Yeah.
[00:06:26] Oh, so then, bringing it back to North Carolina, fun facts.
[00:06:31] February 15th, 1998, the intimidator Dale Earnhardt Sr. won his first Daytona 500, which I don't know if that means the Daytona 500 is this weekend or if it already passed.
[00:06:41] I'm not a follower of NASCAR as much anymore.

[00:06:43] [SPEAKER SPEAKER_19]
[00:06:43] Yeah, I don't know.

[00:06:45] [SPEAKER SPEAKER_02]
[00:06:45] But ties the Kannapolis.
[00:06:46] That's close.
[00:06:47] So we got that going for us.

[00:06:48] [SPEAKER SPEAKER_19]
[00:06:48] The things we have coming up in March, it's going to be all of our time for Forward.
[00:06:52] So Forward Weekend's coming up.
[00:06:54] So make sure you check that out.
[00:06:56] Lots of good things coming up in March.

[00:06:58] [SPEAKER SPEAKER_02]
[00:06:58] We'll get on track beginning of March as well.

[00:07:00] [SPEAKER SPEAKER_19]
[00:07:00] But my fact to end on.
[00:07:01] Oh, this is good.
[00:07:02] This is a good one.
[00:07:03] We're in the Candy Heart Shape Series.
[00:07:05] Candy Heart Shape Series.
[00:07:05] Candy Heart Series.
[00:07:06] The Candy Heart Series.
[00:07:08] Eight billion.
[00:07:10] Candy Message Hearts are produced in the U.S.
[00:07:13] That's a lot.
[00:07:13] Isn't that crazy?
[00:07:14] But so today we have Pastor Troy.
[00:07:16] He's bringing our message.
[00:07:17] It's going to be a sweet treat about how to resolve conflict.
[00:07:20] It's a message for everybody.
[00:07:22] So enjoy.

[00:07:22] [SPEAKER SPEAKER_05]
[00:07:22] Well, hello, Freedom House.
[00:07:25] Let's stand on our feet, we're going to celebrate the goodness of God His joy is our strength, come on, let's praise Him

[00:07:32] [SPEAKER SPEAKER_03]
[00:07:32] I got the joy of the Lord deep down inside of my soul And I can't hide it no more, I gotta praise Him I got the joy of the Lord deep down inside of my soul
[00:07:48] And I can't hide it no more, I gotta praise Him

[00:07:51] [SPEAKER SPEAKER_11]
[00:07:51] The one who broke my chains and bought my freedom in church i want you to sing this until you believe it remind yourself of his goodness

[00:11:30] [SPEAKER SPEAKER_13]
[00:11:30] let's sing this out christ is my firm foundation the rock on which i stand When everything around me is shaking I'm glad that I put my faith in Jesus Cause He's never let me down
[00:12:01] Pulled through jams So why would He fail now?
[00:12:11] He won't Thank you, Lord And I've still got joy in chaos That's good news, right?
[00:12:25] I've got peace that makes no sense so I won't be under. I'm not held. We can have joy. You are sovereign. You are in control, God.

[00:14:52] [SPEAKER SPEAKER_20]
[00:14:52] These are my strength. They're for me to figure it all out, but on the firm foundation of our Father who loves us, who cares for us, who has good plans for us. Man, church, I'm so grateful to be in this
[00:18:36] house and lifting his name high today. Amen. Amen. Man, again, I'm so thankful for this church, and I'm thankful for the church that doesn't just stay inside these four walls, but goes out and brings
[00:18:48] the good news, the gospel of Jesus Christ to those that need to hear it. In fact, we are sending a team down to Peru tomorrow to go and be the hands and feet of Jesus. They're going to be down there
[00:19:01] and they're going to be doing all these amazing things. They're going to be doing construction projects. They're going to be out on the streets doing street ministry, praying for people.
[00:19:08] they're going to be putting on conferences and messages for people who are married, for kids doing VBS style stuff, all these amazing things in the name of Jesus. Carrying the name of Jesus to those that need to hear. Man, I'm so thankful for a church that doesn't just stay local,

[00:19:25] [SPEAKER SPEAKER_15]
[00:19:25] but goes out and goes to all the nations. Yeah, so we want to take a moment and pray for them.
[00:19:29] If you'll join us in praying for this team as they head to Peru, Lord, you are a mighty God.
[00:19:36] you are a powerful God and so we ask right now in your fullest measure to rest upon every single person who is taking their feet taking their time taking their talents to Peru in this coming week
[00:19:52] God we ask Holy Spirit that you fill them overflowing where every single contact that they make leaves knowing you better than before that contact was made that every single footstep that is made in that space, in that country, God, that every single footstep leaves a spiritual
[00:20:15] mark, that every hammer that hits a nail, we're not just there to put a temporary shelter. We're there to preach an eternal gospel that changes the location and destination of every single soul that they encounter. And I pray in full measure that they have a boldness that stirs up in them, that
[00:20:33] they can't help, but tell the person at the airport, hey, guess where I'm headed and guess who I'm going for. Guess who sent me. Lord, I thank you that there's going to be testimonies that yeah, sure. They're going to see, they're going to know the people. They're going to see
[00:20:46] miracles take place. They're going to experience those testimonies, but there's going to be some that they aren't even going to meet till they get into heaven. And there's going to be people in heaven that come up to them and say, hey, you didn't know this, but my great grandmother was
[00:20:58] impacted by your mission trip, and I got saved, and my family lived out a generational blessing because of your faithfulness. Lord, we already thank you in advance for that kind of testimony coming out of this trip. This isn't just a little vacation. No, this is an eternal assignment,
[00:21:15] and we thank you that they're stepping into it. Give them safety. Give them provision exceedingly and abundantly above anything they could have ever asked, thought, or imagined, and let them come back even more on fire for you. We love you. We trust you. We bless them.
[00:21:28] And it's in Jesus' name we pray.
[00:21:30] And everybody gave a big amen to that.
[00:21:32] God is good.
[00:21:32] He's faithful.
[00:21:35] You want to call our leaders forward?

[00:21:36] [SPEAKER SPEAKER_20]
[00:21:36] Yeah, so we are actually going to provide an opportunity for prayer right now.
[00:21:39] Our leaders are going to make their way up to the front.
[00:21:41] If you've got anything that you need prayer for, I encourage you, as we go into this next song, step out of your seat.
[00:21:47] Come and join with one of our trusted leaders.
[00:21:49] And together, step boldly into the throne room of heaven.
[00:21:52] God is here.
[00:21:53] He wants to speak to you.
[00:21:54] He wants to move today.
[00:21:56] Let's continue to worship.

[00:21:57] [SPEAKER SPEAKER_13]
[00:21:57] but I encourage you step forward as we could do that maybe we've made this complicated it was ever meant to be hasn't it always been about the same thing Oh bring us back to simple thing be the
[00:23:08] My heart belongs to you, my Savior.
[00:23:18] You're the one I hold on to.
[00:23:22] For the beauty of your name, my soul will teach us to discern the moment.
[00:23:41] When to serve and when to sit here at your feet.
[00:23:52] To what's important, just like Mary chose the better thing.
[00:24:01] We're in this room right now.

[00:31:54] [SPEAKER SPEAKER_12]
[00:31:54] you know, Jesus sent out his disciples and he said, I give you authority to cast out demons to heal the sick. So today, can I just see a raise of hands? Who's disciples in here?
[00:32:13] Who are followers of Jesus? Hands down. Who needs healing in their body today? I want you to raise your hands. All right, disciples, it's your turn. Gather around these people who have their hands up right now. We're going to pray over them and we're going to believe what the word says, that
[00:32:33] they are healed in the name of Jesus. Just lay your hand on their shoulder, touch their hand, whatever you got to do. Keep your hand up if you need healing today. We're going to believe in God
[00:32:47] for who he is, which is the healer. And just start praying over them. Right now in the name of Jesus, we proclaim healing over each and every person that has their hand up. Father, touch them.
[00:33:07] Touch them physically.
[00:33:08] Touch them mentally.
[00:33:10] Touch them spiritually.
[00:33:12] Bring healing to their body in the name of Jesus.
[00:33:16] Jesus, you went to the cross and you took the stripes on your back for our healing, for our sicknesses, our diseases, so we would not have to bear them.
[00:33:27] So Father, we release your healing right now into each and every person.
[00:33:32] If they're sitting at home right now with their hand raised, touch them in their living room.
[00:33:36] touch them in their car, touch them in their kitchen, wherever they may be, Father. We release your healing power right now in the name of Jesus. We bind the enemy right now. He has no authority.
[00:33:53] Sickness and disease has to leave in the name of Jesus, and healing must come. We bind you, Satan, and we lose your angels, Jesus, to minister unto people. You say whatever is bound on earth is
[00:34:08] bound in heaven. Whatever is loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven. And right now we proclaim the spiritual authority that you've given us over each and every person who needs healing.
[00:34:19] And we thank you for it.
[00:34:21] We praise you for it.
[00:34:24] Right now begin to thank Jesus for it. Thank you for your healing.
[00:34:28] Thank you for your healing.
[00:34:30] We believe in faith right now.
[00:34:32] It's taking place. It's manifesting in people's bodies right now in the name of Jesus.
[00:34:38] In the name of Jesus.
[00:34:41] Who else is worthy? No one else is worthy. Only you, Jesus. Only you. You have the power and the authority over all sickness, all disease. You've given that to us and we now use our voice. We use
[00:35:00] our spiritual authority right now in the name of Jesus.

[00:35:22] [SPEAKER SPEAKER_10]
[00:35:22] praise is God but you encountered us God in the middle that you just you said no hold on I'm not

[00:38:21] [SPEAKER SPEAKER_13]
[00:38:21] done yet and you saw that people were hungry for you and needed a touch from you God and we are open and we we seal what happened today we claim our healing we claim our freedom we mark it God
[00:38:39] thank you for your presence, the power of your presence, God, the freedom, the peace that's in your presence, God. Oh God, would you just remind us of the first love that we had. God, rekindle
[00:38:54] that flame, Father. Draw us back to you, Lord. Let us hunger and thirst for your presence, Jesus, not just here on a Sunday morning, but in our cars at home, God. When the kids are causing a
[00:39:09] ruckus, God, we just turn that worship up. Something, God, get us focused on you, Lord.
[00:39:15] Let us not look to the left or the right of the waves that are coming and the crashing and the chaos. God, you are a God of justice and mercy. God, you are on the throne. You are in control.
[00:39:28] God, you are not unaware of what's happening in the world. You are so aware and you are so in control. And God, we release our need for control, God. We release it and we surrender to you, Lord.
[00:39:42] And we ask, Father, we ask, Father, just as we are drawing near to you, would you rush and draw near to us? Would you rush and draw near to us, Father? Wet our appetite for your word. Wet our appetite
[00:39:55] for your presence, God. We love you. We love you. We love you. We love you. And we say this in Jesus' name. Amen. Amen. Hey, Medium House, you came to worship. What a privilege it is to be here with
[00:40:23] you. Thank you for coming, especially if it's your first time. Welcome. For those of you joining us online, tuning in, streaming, thank you. Thank you for joining us as well. Our senior pastors have a
[00:40:36] special welcome just for you. They're going to come up on the screens. And so before you take your seat, just take a minute. Greet someone around you. Show some love. Maybe turn around, to go across the aisle, hug, high five, and you can be seated. Hey, everyone, and welcome to Freedom

[00:41:05] [SPEAKER SPEAKER_18]
[00:41:05] House. My name is Troy Maxwell, and my wife, Penny, and I are your senior pastors. We are one house with many different rooms, and our heart is very simple to help equip you to experience Christ's

[00:41:16] [SPEAKER SPEAKER_01]
[00:41:16] freedom in your everyday life. We have a big vision here at Freedom House. You will notice Every week at every campus, we have live teachers and preachers.
[00:41:27] Why do we do that?
[00:41:28] Because we are a relational church.
[00:41:30] We love connecting and we are not a video venue.
[00:41:35] You'll also notice over in our kids area, they have the same thing.
[00:41:39] Live teaching, preaching, worship.
[00:41:42] We're not a babysitting service.
[00:41:44] They are getting a fresh, relevant Word of God, just like you are.

[00:41:48] [SPEAKER SPEAKER_18]
[00:41:48] And hey, maybe you're new or you haven't got connected yet.
[00:41:51] All you got to do, it's very simple.
[00:41:52] Just open your phone up, click that little circle on the seat back pocket in front of you and check out all the amazing things that are happening at your church.

[00:42:01] [SPEAKER SPEAKER_01]
[00:42:01] That's right.
[00:42:01] We can't wait to get connected with you.
[00:42:03] Take a look at what's coming up here at Freedom House.

[00:42:09] [SPEAKER SPEAKER_17]
[00:42:09] Good morning, everyone.
[00:42:11] Hey, I want to start with a quick question just to get our brains moving.
[00:42:15] If someone asked you, how do I get connected here?
[00:42:18] Would you know the answer?
[00:42:19] Don't worry, not a pop quiz.
[00:42:21] You're not getting graded on this.
[00:42:23] Matter of fact, I'll give you a clue.
[00:42:24] It rhymes with grab a snack.
[00:42:28] That's right.
[00:42:28] If you say get on track, you're spot on.
[00:42:31] Get on track is a simple three-part experience designed to help you connect, grow, and serve here at Freedom House.
[00:42:37] You'll learn how to connect in real community, grow in your faith in ways that fit your everyday life, and discover where you can serve and make a difference using the gifts God gave you.
[00:42:47] Whether you're brand new, you've been coming for a while, we want you to take the next step.
[00:42:51] Get on track helps you move from attending to being fully involved.
[00:42:55] We meet every month.
[00:42:56] You can sign up anytime at freedomhouse.cc slash get on track.
[00:43:01] Let's get you on track.
[00:43:04] There's no experience like the forward experience.
[00:43:07] It is one of the most powerful things that we do here at Freedom House.
[00:43:11] It's a guided journey led by our pastors and leaders and it's designed to help you grow, heal and take meaningful steps forward in your faith.
[00:43:19] The experience happens in two parts.
[00:43:21] First, we'll have our Forward Basic classes that will begin on March the 3rd and also March 10th.
[00:43:27] They'll be 7 p.m. at our Central Campus.
[00:43:30] You'll learn about sabotage cycles, identity, hearing God, and an appetite for the eternal.
[00:43:35] These nights help lay the foundation for what's coming, because on March 14th, we'll gather for a Forward Weekend.
[00:43:42] This is a focused, intentional day from 9 a.m. to 4 p.m.
[00:43:47] This is not about information. It's all about transformation.
[00:43:51] If you've been feeling stuck, maybe you've been carrying something that you haven't dealt with, or you're simply ready to take a next step, this experience is for you.
[00:43:59] You can register online at freedomhouse.cc forward, and we would love to help you take the next step and move forward.
[00:44:08] If you've been around Freedom House, this phrase might be familiar, that we are one house with many rooms.
[00:44:14] Right now, we're preparing to open a brand new room in this house, our Ballantyne Campus.
[00:44:19] This is not just about a new location.
[00:44:21] It's about creating a space for people who don't yet have a church home.
[00:44:25] People who are searching for hope, community, and a place to belong.
[00:44:29] This season is all about inviting our church family to be part of the launch through serving, giving, connecting with the community, and even joining the launch team for the first six months.
[00:44:39] Because every seat we set up, every team member who shows up, and every act of generosity helps create an environment where lives can be changed.
[00:44:47] For some of you, Valentine will be something that you support and you just champion.
[00:44:52] For others, it might become home.
[00:44:54] Either way, this is an opportunity to be part of something bigger than ourselves, to help build a church that reaches people we may never meet.
[00:45:02] If you want to be involved, you can learn more at freedomhouse.cc slash valentine or just stop by the table in the lobby.
[00:45:10] Our team is there and they would love to give you more information.
[00:45:13] So let's make an impact together.

[00:45:16] [SPEAKER SPEAKER_14]
[00:45:16] For all this and more, download the Freedom House app or head to freedomhouse.cc slash connect.

[00:45:21] [SPEAKER SPEAKER_16]
[00:45:21] I get to serve on our missions and outreach team right here at Freedom House.
[00:45:32] And this is the part of service where we get to honor God with our finances.
[00:45:36] Now, why do we do that?
[00:45:37] Because that moment that we just had, the healing, the deliverance, the power of the Holy Spirit, that's important.
[00:45:43] And we believe that it's not just for us within the walls of this church.
[00:45:46] We believe that it's for people around the country and around the world so that they can experience that same freedom that we feel because of who Jesus is.
[00:45:53] So because of that, as a church, we partner with ministries all over the world to help further the gospel.
[00:46:00] It's putting an eternal backing behind organizations that are doing great practical things.
[00:46:05] But that tie to Jesus is always there because that's what makes the lasting impact.
[00:46:09] One of those organizations is called Watoto, and this is a ministry in Uganda.
[00:46:14] They partner with babies and children who maybe have lost a parent, been abandoned, don't know what's next.
[00:46:20] and they surround them not just for a temporary fix of practical resources but they grow a community and a family so that they can really flourish where they are despite the circumstances that they might have come from. The Bible says that hope is a confident expectation of good
[00:46:35] and Watoto brings that to these children in Africa. Check out this video.

[00:46:56] [SPEAKER SPEAKER_06]
[00:46:56] Hello, I'm Maria Namgen.

[00:46:59] [SPEAKER SPEAKER_07]
[00:46:59] My name is Skodina. I have three children.
[00:47:01] This is my mom. She's raising 12 children.
[00:47:04] I want my children to be better than me because I didn't get a better life.
[00:47:09] I want my children to get a better future.

[00:47:14] [SPEAKER SPEAKER_06]
[00:47:14] My husband left me with my four kids.
[00:47:20] I thought that we are going to die.

[00:47:25] [SPEAKER SPEAKER_07]
[00:47:25] My mom didn't love me because she told me that my father raped her.
[00:47:32] I wasn't happy because no one loves me.

[00:47:52] [SPEAKER SPEAKER_06]
[00:47:52] My daughter gave me a Bible and taught me how to read and how to forgive.
[00:47:57] I learned forgiveness and I forgive my mom.
[00:48:00] My dream is to build a house.

[00:48:02] [SPEAKER SPEAKER_08]
[00:48:02] I have a dream for being a doctor.
[00:48:05] I will build her a very big house.

[00:48:10] [SPEAKER SPEAKER_07]
[00:48:10] My daughter taught me how to read and how to forgive.
[00:48:13] My daughter taught my mother to do a business.
[00:48:16] Now I know I'm a mother. I have work for my children.
[00:48:20] I can work with all my strength. I can work for my children.

[00:48:25] [SPEAKER SPEAKER_08]
[00:48:25] This is Nami's shop. She sells matoke so that we get school fees.
[00:48:31] The business is so good, she hires us people to work on her shop.
[00:48:36] When I grow up, I like to be like my mother because she is a very good businesswoman.

[00:48:44] [SPEAKER SPEAKER_00]
[00:48:44] Watoto is empowering the mothers in our neighbourhoods, not only with job skills, but also with helping their children to attend school.
[00:48:53] I go to school now.
[00:48:54] My brother goes to Watoto.

[00:48:56] [SPEAKER SPEAKER_08]
[00:48:56] He's got a very good report.
[00:48:59] You know, I'm also an official leader.
[00:49:01] My favourite subject in class is science.

[00:49:06] [SPEAKER SPEAKER_06]
[00:49:06] In the neighbourhood I have friends.
[00:49:08] Pesuaza is my friend.
[00:49:10] Kondina is my friend.
[00:49:11] He is my good friend.
[00:49:13] I thank God for making my life better than it was.

[00:49:25] [SPEAKER SPEAKER_16]
[00:49:25] It's amazing because this is hope, not just for one person, but for generations.
[00:49:29] In this video, you see moms that have changed the legacy for their children.
[00:49:33] It didn't just stop with them.
[00:49:35] It set them up for success so that they can break generational curses off their family.
[00:49:39] They can walk in freedom.
[00:49:41] They can provide a future for their children.
[00:49:43] And that's because people are generous and faithful to give.
[00:49:47] So you may see this and think, I may never go to Uganda.
[00:49:50] And that may be true.
[00:49:51] If you wanna go to Uganda though, we do have an opportunity for you to do that as well through missions.
[00:49:55] But even if you don't go, your finances are going.
[00:49:59] And that's because when you give to the church, when you give to God's house, he can do Ephesians 3.20 exceedingly and abundantly more with it.
[00:50:06] And that's taking those dollars to places that you may never be able to go to change lives that you may never meet.
[00:50:13] And that's an eternal return on investment.
[00:50:15] It's not just a good investment for right now, but it's a good investment for eternity because those children, their siblings, their friends, their parents, all of those lives, all of those eternities are being changed
[00:50:26] by the truth of the gospel that's being spread there because we're faithful to give, because we're thankful to be generous.
[00:50:33] And I'm just so grateful that the Lord has put me in a position where I'm able to give, where I'm able to bless other people because it's so much more than just keeping finances for myself.
[00:50:42] I can only do so much with it, But that, that's only coming from God.
[00:50:46] That's only coming from putting your finances behind a God who can do anything and everything and make lasting change in the lives of people all over the world.
[00:50:55] So if you're already giving, if you're already a part of this, we wanna thank you truly because that life change, you can't put a price on that.
[00:51:01] It's amazing.
[00:51:02] It's something only God can do.
[00:51:04] And we thank you for partnering with us in that.
[00:51:06] And if you see all of this and you're curious, you wanna get involved, you wanna start that lifestyle of generosity, we would encourage you to check out freedomhouse.cc slash give. There you'll find our beliefs about giving, our beliefs about generosity
[00:51:18] and how you can get involved and make a difference, not just here in Charlotte, but around the world.
[00:51:23] Let's pray together. God, we love you and we are so grateful that we get to serve a big God, a God that invites us to partner with him to do more than we could ever do on our own. God,
[00:51:35] I thank you that when we bring what we have to you, we don't have to worry about that because we know that when we're giving to you, you're going to multiply it. You're going to change
[00:51:43] eternities with it. And that's far more and far better than anything that we could do on our own.
[00:51:48] So I just pray over people's hearts today, Lord. I pray that you give us a heart for generosity, that you give us a heart for eternity, for these people's future, and that we will partner with
[00:51:57] you in making a lasting impact. God, we love you. We trust you with all that we have. And it's in

[00:52:01] [SPEAKER SPEAKER_09]
[00:52:01] Jesus' name I pray. Amen. Enjoy the rest of service. What's up, Central? Good to see everybody.

[00:52:46] [SPEAKER SPEAKER_18]
[00:52:46] Good to see you.
[00:52:46] Look at your neighbor.
[00:52:47] Just look at him.
[00:52:48] Look at him in the eyeball.
[00:52:49] Say, I am so proud of you.
[00:52:50] I am so proud of you.
[00:52:53] Why are you proud of me?
[00:52:55] Because I came to church on a rainy day.
[00:52:58] Some of you want, Randy over here wanted to stay home.
[00:53:01] I know he did, but Christy made him come to church.
[00:53:04] My wife hit me this morning and said, you gotta go to church today.
[00:53:07] You're actually the pastor.
[00:53:08] So I'm here, and we also have some people that stayed home today.
[00:53:12] Let's welcome all of our online streamers.
[00:53:15] We got North Carolina, Georgia, West Virginia, Maryland, Connecticut, California, Indiana, Minnesota, Florida, and Germany.
[00:53:23] Germany, you're the only one that has an excuse is Germany.
[00:53:26] So very grateful.
[00:53:27] If I haven't met you yet, my name is Troy Maxwell, and my wife and I are the senior pastors.
[00:53:31] Give it up for your campus pastors, the Blantons.
[00:53:33] Stand up, Blantons.
[00:53:38] They're so good looking.
[00:53:39] Great to have them.
[00:53:40] Get your pens out.
[00:53:41] Get your iPads out.
[00:53:43] Your iPhones open.
[00:53:44] I'm going to teach a little bit this morning.
[00:53:46] 2 Corinthians chapter five, I'm gonna read a couple of verses here and then we'll get into this message.
[00:53:50] 2 Corinthians chapter five, verse 16, it says, therefore, from now on, we regard no one according to the flesh.
[00:53:58] Whenever you see therefore, what do you do?
[00:54:00] You check what it's there for.
[00:54:01] So what Paul is doing here in this letter to the Corinthians is he is basically carrying on the conversation about our relationship with Jesus and how our relationship with others are involved in that relationship.
[00:54:17] He says, even though we have known Christ according to the flesh, yet now we know him thus no longer.
[00:54:23] Therefore, so basically he takes another connection here.
[00:54:27] If anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation.
[00:54:31] Hit your neighbor and say, I'm a new creation.
[00:54:32] I'm a new creation.
[00:54:34] I love this part.
[00:54:34] It says, old things have passed away.
[00:54:36] Come on, old Troy is in the past.
[00:54:39] Behold, all things have become new.
[00:54:41] Now, verse 18, all things are of God, who has reconciled us to himself through Jesus Christ and has given us the ministry of reconciliation.
[00:54:55] Everybody say this with me.
[00:54:56] Say, I have the ministry of reconciliation.
[00:55:01] Let me say it one more time.
[00:55:02] I have the ministry of reconciliation.
[00:55:06] Now point at your neighbor, say, you have the ministry of reconciliation.
[00:55:11] Now, what is that?
[00:55:12] That is, that God was in Christ reconciling the world to himself, not imputing their trespasses to them, and has committed to us the word of reconciliation.
[00:55:25] One of my favorite relationship doctors, Dr. Gary Smalley, said this, life is relationship, relationships, the rest is just details.
[00:55:35] So true.
[00:55:36] We were built for relationship.
[00:55:37] Today, I want to talk specifically about conflict.
[00:55:41] I want to talk about disagreement and not just the act of conflict, but the resolution of conflict. Penny and I, we love to watch. I like to watch TV shows and I let Penny join with me
[00:55:53] often. I love a good, a good, I liked a good binge. How many of you like to binge some TV shows?
[00:55:59] I know we had these, these ice days and snow days, and I know we all got to binge all kinds of, of shows and nine months from now we'll see the results of the snow days can all the married
[00:56:12] people said yes lord we're gonna see i know we have a lot of pregnancies right now but i'm gonna tell you what in nine months we're gonna see a ton of babies because everybody was stuck at home
[00:56:21] you think i'm lying you just watch and see i've been doing this for a little while i've been doing this i know when y'all get stuck at home well what we're gonna do let's make some
[00:56:32] babies. All right. Anyway, I love a good TV series. And a few years back, somebody turned me on to 24. I know it's old school, but just stick with me. Jack Bauer. You remember Jack Bauer? I don't
[00:56:47] know if he's still out there somewhere, but he's probably, you know, saving somebody somewhere.
[00:56:53] And it was a Memorial Day weekend. And somebody said, hey, you need to watch 24. And they had a marathon of 24. Now, what I didn't realize is that when you watch one episode of 24,
[00:57:02] you have to watch the next episode and you have to watch the next episode and the next episode and come on, help me out the next episode because they never resolve it. It was terrible,
[00:57:19] horrible. My wife and I wasted 18 hours of our life because Jack Bauer never fixed a stinking thing. There were all kinds of problems. We love TV shows. We love movies because of conflict being
[00:57:35] resolved, not left open. There's nothing worse than a movie trilogy that ends, that never ends.
[00:57:45] What was it? What was the one with the trolls and everything? Lord of the Rings. Terrible.
[00:57:52] It ended, it didn't end. The Hobbits and Frodo and they just, they're just walking off into the distance with no resolution. And then they said, oh, three years from now, we'll finish. No, no, no.
[00:58:03] You need to finish all of the movies and put them out so we can actually end our lives. Because some of us are thinking about Lord of the Rings for years, trying to figure out if it even ends.
[00:58:19] God sees girl, God gets girl, God loses girl, but then he gets her back. That's a good movie.
[00:58:25] superhero fights a bad guy the bad guy starts to get a little bit on the superhero but then the superhero comes back defeats the bad guy that's that's we have to have resolution good versus
[00:58:39] evil order versus chaos control versus trust death versus survival there's nothing worse than a movie or show that has no resolution let me tell you something there's nothing worse than a relationship that doesn't know how to resolve. Conflict is only as good as its resolution. And
[00:58:58] wherever choice exists, conflict is inevitable. Our most powerful spiritual gift, which is choice, because we have the ability to choose, that means that there's something on the other side that we do not choose. So there's going to be disagreement. There's going to be different desires, different
[00:59:17] values, different outcomes, and they're pulling us in our relationships, whether it's at work, whether it's at church, whether it's in our marriages, it's pulling us in conflict. There's uncertainty and disagreement and anxiety and arguments and what we call them intense fellowships
[00:59:33] and the clashes everywhere and politics and immigration and worldviews and spiritual forces and work and friendship. And we got to navigate even the Bible. Let me sum up the Bible for you. The Bible, God created everything and it was good. Okay, guess what? We screwed it up.
[00:59:53] We messed it up. Humanity messed it up. Conflict. So what did God do? He inserts Jesus, more conflict, and then he fixed it. He resolved it through the cross of Jesus Christ. This is actually the
[01:00:07] theology. I call it the theology of conflict. If you understand this one principle, then you can resolve any principle because what it comes down to is the cross. If we can always look into the
[01:00:17] cross, we won't be able to forgive, release, resolve anything because ultimately we have been resolved in our relationship with God. He reconciled us. Second Corinthians five, verse 18, we have been given the ministry of reconciliation. I was talking to a young lady recently and just trying
[01:00:37] to help her navigate some conflict in her life.
[01:00:40] She was struggling with another person and it was hard, I mean, and it was difficult.
[01:00:45] And you always have to have somebody that you can go to that's an outside mediator that doesn't have any feelings in the relationship.
[01:00:53] If you're married, you can't use your in-laws as mediators, okay?
[01:00:58] Come on, don't be saying, well, my mother-in-law, she is just, she's right in the middle.
[01:01:03] No, she isn't, she's for you.
[01:01:05] She loves you and she wants you to win.
[01:01:07] No matter how much she likes him, she loves you more.
[01:01:10] I can promise you, she birthed you, so I know it.
[01:01:13] So the reality is, is you gotta get an outside person, maybe a counselor, maybe somebody else that has no feelings in the situation so they can step back, they can get a fresh perspective.
[01:01:24] So I'm sitting back and I'm talking to this young lady and she's trying to resolve.
[01:01:28] And it was a conflict that had been over six, seven, eight months.
[01:01:31] And she should have resolved it earlier.
[01:01:33] But in the person that was doing it, it was tough.
[01:01:35] It was a difficult scenario.
[01:01:38] And so finally, you know, we talked about it and, you know, it wasn't about who was right or who was wrong.
[01:01:43] It was about friendship.
[01:01:44] The ultimate came back to the cross.
[01:01:46] And I said, do you think you can resolve?
[01:01:48] And she goes, I don't think I can.
[01:01:49] And then all of a sudden, the Bible came back up in her.
[01:01:53] She had enough Bible in her that it just kind of popped up.
[01:01:56] And it just like, she goes, actually, we do have the ministry of reconciliation.
[01:02:00] She actually preached to herself right in the moment.
[01:02:02] You ever do that for a second?
[01:02:03] You ever have a moment where you say something, and you go, and then you preach to yourself.
[01:02:07] She preached to herself and I said, yeah, you do have the ministry of reconciliation.
[01:02:11] You do have the ability to resolve it because when we all go back to the cross, because of what Jesus did for us, we can really resolve anything.
[01:02:22] See, conflict doesn't mean that something is wrong.
[01:02:26] It's a normal side effect of choice, freedom, and change.
[01:02:32] But, listen to me very closely, running from conflict is very destructive it's very destructive and an inability to resolve that conflict listen to me is a mark of immaturity it's unhealthy you have been given the ministry
[01:02:52] of reconciliation come on say it again say I have the ministry of reconciliation see conflict occurs when areas in our life are exposed, which require us to change and we resist that change. Conflict occurs when God is trying to grow us up. He's trying to teach us something. He's trying to
[01:03:12] mature us and we resist it. And here's the truth. The truth is God's primary instrument for changing people is people. He uses people, the one you're married to. Don't look at him right now. See,
[01:03:33] you think that God put them in your life so you could change them. No, no, no, no, no. He tricked you. He's working on you. Don't look at him. Don't look at him. Don't elbow him. Just sit there very
[01:03:47] quietly. Eyes forward. Straight ahead. So let's talk about this revealing in us, this how conflict is such a revealer. And if you want to write these three things, this is a good kind of exercise to
[01:04:03] do in the middle of conflict? Okay. Number one, you got to look in. You got to look in. What's going on inside of me? So in the middle of this disagreement, this is hard by the way, because
[01:04:15] you got emotions going on. You got feelers going on. You got all this stuff that's happening, whether it's a work thing, a church thing, a marriage thing, a friend thing, all this stuff is going on. But if you can just pull yourself back for a second and look in, what is God trying
[01:04:31] to do in me? What does he want to do in me? Secondly, we got to look out. What can I do towards reconciliation or resolution in this situation? Who do I need to resolve this with?
[01:04:48] And then thirdly, you got to look up. What is God saying right now? What does he want to say?
[01:04:55] What are my ears deaf to because I'm so caught up in the conflict that I can't hear God's voice?
[01:05:04] So conflict is a revealer.
[01:05:06] I gotta look in, I gotta look out, and I gotta look up.
[01:05:10] I like to go to Pastor James.
[01:05:12] Pastor James is one of my favorite pastors.
[01:05:14] He was Jesus' half-brother.
[01:05:16] And he wrote this in James chapter four.
[01:05:17] Look at verse one.
[01:05:18] It says, where do wars and fights come from?
[01:05:22] Okay, I learned in English.
[01:05:23] I did fail 11th grade English, so I had to take 11th and 12th grade.
[01:05:27] Isn't it interesting that I'm a communicator and I failed English in high school?
[01:05:32] I just didn't do the work.
[01:05:33] I knew it, but I didn't do the work.
[01:05:35] But I learned that usually at the beginning of a paragraph, you can see the intent of, or the context of the content based on the first couple sentences.
[01:05:46] So Pastor James starts with, hey, where does conflict come from among you?
[01:05:53] Does it not come from your desires for pleasure that war in your members?
[01:05:58] You lust and do not have, you murder and covet and cannot obtain, you fight, you have conflict, yet you do not have because you're asking the wrong thing.
[01:06:08] You ask amiss, you ask amiss, you do not ask.
[01:06:13] It says, verse three, you ask and do not stray because you ask amiss, that you may spend it on your pleasures.
[01:06:20] Verse four, adulterers and adulteresses.
[01:06:24] I don't know why I get messed that up every single time I read it.
[01:06:27] Even when I'm reading in my head, I say it wrong.
[01:06:30] Do you not know, that's probably why I failed English.
[01:06:32] Do you not know that friendship with the world is enmity with God?
[01:06:38] Whoever therefore wants to be a friend of the world makes himself an enemy of God.
[01:06:44] Interesting.
[01:06:44] Or do you think that the scripture says in vain, the spirit who dwells in us yearns jealously.
[01:06:50] Verse six, but he gives more grace.
[01:06:53] Therefore he says, God resists the proud, but gives grace to the humble.
[01:07:00] Therefore submit to God.
[01:07:01] resist the devil and he will flee from you draw near to god and he will draw near to you cleanse your hands you sinners and purify your hearts you double-minded lament and mourn and weep let your
[01:07:13] laughter be turned to mourning and your joy to gloom humble yourselves in the sight of the lord and he will lift you up do not speak evil of one another brethren he who speaks evil of a brother
[01:07:24] and judges his brother speaks evil of the law and judges the law but if you judge the law you are not a doer of the law, but a judge. There is one lawgiver who is able to save and to destroy.
[01:07:36] Who are you to judge another? So what Pastor James does is he starts off, he goes, where do all, what is this, all this disagreement, all this conflict, all this clashing come from? And he
[01:07:48] describes what it reveals on the inside of us. Write these down. The first thing he tells us says conflict reveals selfishness. He says in verse two, you lust and do not have, you murder and covet and cannot obtain, you fight in war, you conflict, yet you do not have because you do not
[01:08:05] ask. Why? You ask and do not receive because you're asking the wrong thing. You're just asking for yourself. You're not really looking at the other person, the other situation, the heart of the other person. You're missing the point here. My wife and I, during our three month sabbatical,
[01:08:25] we started doing these little cards to try to stir up conversation. And so she found these cards and we'd go out to dinner and she'd say, we're going to do two cards and you're going to do two cards
[01:08:38] and I'm going to do two cards. I brought a couple of them with me just to read them to you, just kind of give you an idea. You can buy these cards online and they just kind of help you. You know,
[01:08:45] we've been together for a long, personally, I don't mind a little silence, but talking's good too, I'm learning, come on, help me out here, and so we got these cards, and honestly, I like them,
[01:09:13] I mean, it does help us in our conversation, okay, so I'll just read, you can buy these online, you can chat GPT, you know, having a conversation with my wife or husband, Give me some questions.
[01:09:26] You can do that too.
[01:09:26] We've done that as well, you know, when we went through all the cards.
[01:09:29] How we made it through all the cards is we just had a lot of dinners together.
[01:09:32] But anyway, so like, what's a past decision you made that you wish you could redo?
[01:09:42] That's deep, isn't it?
[01:09:44] Sometimes they're hard, and we swap back and forth.
[01:09:47] Like, she'll re-one, and then I'll re-one.
[01:09:49] Do you believe in second chances?
[01:09:51] And all the men said, yes.
[01:09:53] That was easy, absolutely.
[01:09:54] Why or why not?
[01:09:55] Is there anything about growing older that scares or concerns you?
[01:09:59] Yeah, growing old.
[01:10:01] I mean, it scares me.
[01:10:03] Who wants to be old?
[01:10:04] Amen.
[01:10:05] What's a personal story you'd like to tell your children about?
[01:10:07] That's a good one.
[01:10:08] What's your favorite kind of foreplay?
[01:10:09] That's a great one.
[01:10:13] That's the one we would usually end with right there.
[01:10:15] That'd be a good one to end with.
[01:10:17] Go back home.
[01:10:19] That make you awkward?
[01:10:20] That's for married people.
[01:10:22] This is for married people, okay?
[01:10:23] You'd skip that one if you were dating, all right?
[01:10:25] so we did one and here's what this is the question that i asked her on the card i said um what what about me do you want to change here's what she says she says uh i'd like you to be less
[01:10:38] selfish michael i was like what in the world because i thought i was the most generous person i'd ever met i said for real you think i'm selfish she goes absolutely and interesting when a woman
[01:10:55] answers that, she usually has a list. So she pulls out a list and she's just working down the list.
[01:11:02] You do this, you don't do this, you do this, you don't do this, you don't, you do this, you don't do this. I'm like, oh my gosh, I'm selfish. I'm like, how do you stay married to me? I mean, I don't even
[01:11:13] know how you do it. I'm so selfish. Conflict is a revealer. It revealed in me in this situation that I'm selfish. And it put me on a track to really work on being selfish. It helped me. Proverbs 28
[01:11:31] verse 25, it says a greedy person, a selfish person provokes conflict. Why? Because if you're selfish, it's my way or the highway. I don't like it. If I don't like the way you, I'm going to take
[01:11:42] my ball. I'm going to go home. That's the way I'm going to do it. It's my way. I talk to couples all the time and they say, they say, we don't ever get in arguments. I'm like, there's something wrong
[01:11:52] with you? There's obviously some issues. Well, usually that means that somebody in the relationship is overbearing in the relationship and the other person is just kind of pulling down. No, there should be some conflict and some resolution and some conflict and resolution because that conflict
[01:12:10] reveals something. It reveals selfishness. So let me ask you, are you selfish? Are you selfish? I found out that I was selfish and I'm working on my being non-greedy. I'm being trying to be unselfish? Secondly, Pastor James says conflict reveals worldliness. Do you not know that
[01:12:27] friendship with the world is enmity with God? Whoever therefore wants to be a friend of the world makes himself an enemy of God. When you align yourself with the attitude of the world, that's called a worldly philosophy. There's only really two worldviews. There's a biblical
[01:12:42] worldview and then a humanistic or secular worldview. Okay. You either fall into one of those two categories. Listen to me. Conflict is going to reveal that. It's going to reveal that you saw it in 2020. It revealed tons of conflict, tons of worldviews in people. I was so surprised
[01:13:02] that people even in my church had a specific worldview that was non-biblical. And I was the pastor of them. Pastors that I came in contact with as a result of conflict of 2020. Black Lives
[01:13:19] matter, vaccines, all the stuff, opening your church, closing your church, all of those things revealed in you a worldview. Conflict helps you in the relationship. It really helps you understand what that person's worldview. Listen, if you're dating somebody, you better ask them some questions
[01:13:37] about their worldview before you marry them. You better find out. If you're in a relationship with somebody, you better know what their worldview, ask them questions like, how do you handle money?
[01:13:48] tell me about your money what's going on with your money what how do you are you a spender are you a saver how how did your parents raise you what about punishment how did they punish you well
[01:13:59] you know I was on the the countdown from 10 scale and then I went in the corner and you were like got beat you know you were you were you got spankings that's let me tell you something when
[01:14:08] you have kids you're gonna have a whole different view of how to punish them or how to discipline them are you following me if you're dating somebody don't wait till after you marry them to answer these, ask these questions, get out ahead of it. What about, what about your, your mom
[01:14:23] and dad? How, how, how is that relationship? Listen, if he is still going home to get his clothes washed, you got a problem. And he's 35. I'm just saying you got a problem. Okay. So make
[01:14:35] sure you have these questions. What, what is your vision for the future? How did, how did, how did you and your family fight? Because Penny and I, when we got married, we didn't talk about these
[01:14:46] things. Nobody told us these things because we didn't fight in my family. Everything was put under the rug. We never talked about anything. Her family, they yelled and screamed at each other.
[01:14:56] So then we get married. She starts yelling and screaming and I'm hiding, you know, I'm hiding in the closet. Please leave me alone. Don't quit yelling. Don't scream at me. I didn't do it. It
[01:15:09] wasn't that bad. You know what I'm saying? We never talked about that. You got to have those conversations. Thirdly, Pastor James says, conflict reveals pride. He says, God resists the proud, gives grace to the humble. Verse 10, humble yourselves in the sight of God and he will lift
[01:15:24] you up. Proverbs 13, 10 says, pride leads to conflict, but those who take advice are wise.
[01:15:32] So you see kind of a distance between the two. Pride doesn't take advice. Wise people take advice, meaning that pride doesn't want to listen.
[01:15:41] Pride wants its own way.
[01:15:43] And pride often defends.
[01:15:45] How does it defend?
[01:15:46] It gets defensive or it gaslights or it blame shifts.
[01:15:50] That's what pride does.
[01:15:51] Now remember, the point of this is to look in, to look out and look up.
[01:15:56] So when we get in conflict, if we could just pull ourselves back, am I prideful?
[01:16:00] Am I being prideful?
[01:16:01] Do I have some pride that God has put this person in my life to help me deal with?
[01:16:08] not just point my finger at them and go, it's your fault, it's your fault.
[01:16:11] You're the one that makes me do all this.
[01:16:13] No, no, no.
[01:16:14] Look at yourself, look inside.
[01:16:17] Pride doesn't take responsibility.
[01:16:19] So it creates a very unsafe environment.
[01:16:22] So are you prideful?
[01:16:23] Do you have some pride in you?
[01:16:25] Conflict, here's the last thing.
[01:16:27] Conflict reveals a critical spirit.
[01:16:30] Verse 11 of James chapter four, Pastor James says, do not, out of the Good News Bible says, do not criticize one another.
[01:16:38] Proverbs 22, verse 10, it says, drive out the mocker.
[01:16:41] A critical spirit in the Bible is called a mocker or a scoffer.
[01:16:46] That's what a critical spirit is.
[01:16:48] It's someone who is constantly criticizing.
[01:16:52] They're always negative.
[01:16:54] They're naggy.
[01:16:55] They're never satisfied.
[01:16:56] They're always judgmental.
[01:16:58] They're always questioning something.
[01:17:01] They're pushing all the time.
[01:17:03] That's a critical spirit.
[01:17:04] So do you have a critical spirit?
[01:17:06] So let me close this message with some very practical things.
[01:17:12] And I thought about this a lot and I feel like I got a word from the Lord for us as a church body, okay?
[01:17:18] Because what I was gonna do is I was gonna go down and I was gonna talk about how to resolve conflict.
[01:17:22] But I think I'm gonna go at it a different way.
[01:17:25] I feel like the Lord says, why don't we look at the core of the men and the core of the women?
[01:17:32] So let's get ahead of conflict by understanding the woman or understanding the man.
[01:17:37] And this will help you whether you're dating, you're in a relationship.
[01:17:40] So what I wanna do is I'm gonna, let me help you start resolving some conflict by going to the core of what a man wants and what a woman wants, okay?
[01:17:49] So first, I'm gonna talk to the women about the men.
[01:17:54] So men, look at me.
[01:17:54] I'm gonna help you right here.
[01:17:56] So men, look at me.
[01:17:58] Keep your eyes forward.
[01:17:59] Do not look over your wife.
[01:18:01] you are not allowed to use this in the future so Wednesday when you get in a fight you can't go you remember what Pastor Troy said don't throw me in the middle of your conversation
[01:18:12] I am not a scapegoat for you you cannot use anything that I'm going to say learn from this because right now I'm going to tell your wife about you so let me do that let me let me be you
[01:18:28] for a second because she might listen. Maybe. No, I'm just kidding. You're going to listen.
[01:18:37] So write this down, ladies. This is for you. A man's greatest need is honor, respect. Another word. Ephesians chapter four, verse 33, let the wife see that she respects or honors her husband.
[01:18:53] Wives, listen to me. You will never criticize your husband into better leadership. Wives, you will never criticize him into leading your home better. You will never complain your way into a better marriage. Saying things like you're lazy, you're hopeless, you never do anything
[01:19:12] around here, not going to work, not going to work. The goal here, listen to me, the goal here is not to pretend that he's doing great when he's not, but to speak to the man he can become while being
[01:19:25] honest about what hurts. So you're calling him up instead of constantly calling him out.
[01:19:36] Okay, this will help you. If you want the most out of him, you want his leadership, you want his life, you want his heart, call him up. Don't just keep complaining about him, whether to him or someone
[01:19:51] else. Notice him, treasure him, treat him with love and compassion. He is your ally, not your enemy and trust that God can work it out. I didn't get many amens right there. Remember, we go back to
[01:20:12] this worldview issue. Do we believe God can work it out? Yes, he can. Okay, so how do you honor him, respect him without lying about the real problems.
[01:20:24] Let me give you some phrases that you can use, okay, that'll help you, that help us guys step up.
[01:20:30] And all the men said, amen.
[01:20:32] Come on, I'm trying to help you here, okay?
[01:20:36] Great things to say.
[01:20:37] I see how hard you work for us and I'm grateful for it.
[01:20:41] Okay, you're not saying that he's not working.
[01:20:43] You're saying, I see it, I see it.
[01:20:47] And I'm grateful for what you do.
[01:20:49] Hey, you know what, sweetheart?
[01:20:50] when you engage with the kids like you did on Saturday, and that means a lot for me, you have such a big heart for this family, and I wanna follow your lead.
[01:21:01] These are great things to say.
[01:21:03] You matter so much to me and our family, and when you show up, the whole atmosphere changes.
[01:21:07] See, what we're doing is we're calling him up.
[01:21:11] Ladies, we know we make mistakes, and we feel terrible about it.
[01:21:16] And I'm gonna tell you something.
[01:21:18] Every man in this room, we beat ourselves up.
[01:21:22] When we fail, it hurts us.
[01:21:25] And I know sometimes we don't tell you all of the stuff that's going on on the inside of us.
[01:21:29] But trust me, the last thing we need to be is reminded of the mistakes that we've made, what we need to be told.
[01:21:37] Now, I'm not saying we ignore the mistakes or the irresponsibility.
[01:21:40] I'm not saying that at all because we need to talk about that in the right tone and in the right moment so that our hearts can be open to you and be honest.
[01:21:50] Now, I'm gonna get to the men in just a second.
[01:21:52] Trust me, I'm gonna help you ladies.
[01:21:55] But right now, I want you to get the most out of your man right now.
[01:22:00] Get the most out of him.
[01:22:01] So there's three big honor buttons for men.
[01:22:04] And here's the question they're always asking about you.
[01:22:08] Do you trust me?
[01:22:10] Do you notice me?
[01:22:12] And do you believe I have what it takes?
[01:22:15] Do you trust me?
[01:22:16] Do you notice me?
[01:22:18] And do you believe I have what it takes?
[01:22:20] Or another way to say it is, do you believe in me?
[01:22:23] Look, if all you can say is, man, when you took that garbage can out last Thursday night, that was amazing, sweetheart.
[01:22:31] I mean, the way you lined that up on the edge of the driveway, I drove by it and the Lord just touched me.
[01:22:39] There's a way it was, you do it every Thursday night.
[01:22:42] And I'm so thankful.
[01:22:45] I am so thankful that you do that for me and this family.
[01:22:48] I'm so grateful for you.
[01:22:49] If that's all you can say, let me tell you, as a man, we're like, man, I'm gonna take that garbage out.
[01:22:53] And you know what else I might do?
[01:22:54] I might fold those clothes over there too.
[01:22:56] See if she notices that.
[01:22:57] And oh, you know what I might do?
[01:22:58] I might pick up the kids when she normally does and just show up.
[01:23:01] And I might just call her and text her and take her out.
[01:23:03] You follow what I'm talking about?
[01:23:05] You start trusting me and you start noticing me and you start saying some words that you believe in me.
[01:23:11] Oh man, it'll change everything.
[01:23:12] So a great pattern would be notice and name.
[01:23:14] I appreciate you when, and I love it when you do this.
[01:23:20] Affirm what he does good.
[01:23:23] Don't just always complain what he does bad.
[01:23:26] Share the burden.
[01:23:27] I'm feeling, it's okay.
[01:23:28] I'm feeling this way and it's heavy for me when.
[01:23:31] Invite leadership with trust.
[01:23:33] It would mean a lot for me if you would take the lead in this.
[01:23:38] It would mean a lot for me if you did the research on this.
[01:23:42] It would mean a lot for me if you were the one who were to lead us to church on Sundays.
[01:23:48] That lifts us up.
[01:23:50] See, honor and respect doesn't mean we're silent about sin, irresponsibility, or passivity.
[01:23:55] It means framing what you say in a way that pulls him up.
[01:24:00] Can I get an amen?
[01:24:01] All right, now, let me talk to the ladies.
[01:24:03] Let me talk to the men about the ladies.
[01:24:06] All right, so ladies, eyes forward, no elbows.
[01:24:10] You cannot use this on Wednesday when you're in an argument.
[01:24:14] Well, Pastor Troy said.
[01:24:16] No, no, no, no.
[01:24:17] No, we're not gonna do that.
[01:24:19] A woman's great, you've heard this before, a woman's greatest need is security.
[01:24:24] She needs to feel safe.
[01:24:26] That's why the Bible says in Ephesians 5, verse 25, husbands love your wives, okay?
[01:24:31] So security for a woman means, can I relax with you?
[01:24:36] Can I lower my guard?
[01:24:39] Can I bring my wall down?
[01:24:42] In what areas?
[01:24:43] Let's talk about it.
[01:24:45] What does it mean to feel safe for a woman?
[01:24:47] And by the way, I ran these all by penny and she said, these are right, all right?
[01:24:53] I wanted to be sure.
[01:24:54] I didn't wanna just throw this out there.
[01:24:56] I mean, I've been married to a woman for 34 years.
[01:25:00] I didn't wanna assume these things.
[01:25:01] I threw it out there just to make sure that I was on the right track.
[01:25:04] So I'm on the right track, all right?
[01:25:06] So what does it mean for a woman to be secure?
[01:25:08] There's four areas, emotionally secure, okay?
[01:25:11] What does that mean?
[01:25:12] Men, listen to me, listen to me.
[01:25:15] Are you a safe place to share my heart?
[01:25:18] Don't minimize, mock, or weaponize my feelings against me.
[01:25:24] If you want your wife to shut down, minimize and mock her about her feelings.
[01:25:30] But if you want her to open up, listen.
[01:25:33] You're not gonna understand most of it.
[01:25:36] It's okay.
[01:25:38] We're not wired that way.
[01:25:41] She just wants to feel safe that she can share it with you.
[01:25:44] Relationally, are you committed to me in our marriage, in our family, in our kids?
[01:25:49] Practical security cannot depend on you.
[01:25:52] Are you actually gonna follow through on what you said you were gonna do?
[01:25:57] And then spiritual security.
[01:25:59] Listen, your wife wants spiritual security.
[01:26:03] Are you seeking God, leading the family in prayer?
[01:26:07] Are you always deferring to her on that or are you taking the lead?
[01:26:12] So here's the mistakes we make, men.
[01:26:14] So stop it.
[01:26:16] Here's my counsel to you today.
[01:26:17] Just stop it.
[01:26:18] Confusing provision with presence.
[01:26:21] She wants your presence, not your money, not your provision.
[01:26:24] Now, when I read that to my wife, she goes, I want both.
[01:26:26] I said, okay.
[01:26:31] So I referred, I did it different.
[01:26:33] What would you prefer?
[01:26:34] She goes, I'd prefer your presence, not just always thinking provision.
[01:26:40] Don't minimize.
[01:26:41] This is a mistake we make.
[01:26:42] We minimize her feelings.
[01:26:44] If you say you're overreacting, big mistake, okay?
[01:26:49] Big mistake, okay?
[01:26:51] So it's important.
[01:26:53] and somebody said in between services, they use this phrase, instead of getting defensive, they get curious, which is a great way to look at it.
[01:27:00] Just get curious about what's going on.
[01:27:01] So tell me what's going on inside of you.
[01:27:03] Tell me, now I realize you're gonna open up a can.
[01:27:07] Men, listen to me.
[01:27:10] You will be rewarded in so many ways.
[01:27:14] Not just that one, but so many other ways.
[01:27:17] Trust me.
[01:27:19] What we make a mistake, I'm almost done.
[01:27:22] Inconsistency and broken promises.
[01:27:24] Do what you say you're gonna do, man.
[01:27:26] If you say you're gonna pick up the kids, pick up the kids.
[01:27:28] If you say you're gonna be home at dinner, be home at dinner.
[01:27:31] If you say you're gonna follow through with something, follow through.
[01:27:34] That makes her feel safe and secure.
[01:27:37] She's not wondering.
[01:27:39] Defensiveness and blame.
[01:27:41] Quit being so defensive.
[01:27:43] Don't blame.
[01:27:44] Well, you know, if I would've done, no, no, no.
[01:27:46] When you see her talking as an attack, you're immediately going to defense it.
[01:27:51] It's not always an attack.
[01:27:54] Sometimes it's a bid for openness in the relationship.
[01:27:59] So here's how you wanna create security.
[01:28:01] Be reliable and follow through.
[01:28:04] Listen to understand, not fix.
[01:28:06] It's a big one.
[01:28:07] Be transparent.
[01:28:09] It's a big one.
[01:28:10] Men, listen to me.
[01:28:11] Be transparent and honest about everything.
[01:28:16] Can your wife look at your phone?
[01:28:17] If she can't, that needs to change right now.
[01:28:19] you should not be hiding anything listen to me men there should be no email passwords no computer that she can't get on and she can't look at my wife says let me see your phone here it is because
[01:28:33] I have nothing to hide do you if you do now's the time to confess it get it out in the open because it will control you for the rest of your life whatever you don't expose the devil will play
[01:28:46] with for the rest of your life you've got to get that thing out in the light so do not be secret collaborative. Well, you can't look at my Facebook account. Why? What are you trying to hide?
[01:28:57] What's going on? Immediately, as a woman, she's shutting down. She does not feel safe. She may be present, but she ain't there. Trust me. It's not going to happen. Take initiative. Weekly check-ins.
[01:29:12] I'm the one that takes the lead on our weekly check-ins. I'm the one that leads that way with my wife, okay? So what I do is I sit down with her at least once a week. We have a schedule. It's on
[01:29:21] my calendar. Monday nights is our weekly check-in. I think she may have mentioned this last week.
[01:29:27] So I asked three questions. First question is, um, now I heard the rain. I got, I got distracted squirrel. The first question is, the first question is how are we doing? How are we doing?
[01:29:42] Cause I want honest feedback. Well, you know, you were a little selfish over here or you didn't do this over here or, or you know what? You did really good in this area. And I want to give
[01:29:53] you a withhold. I want to tell you something that I didn't tell you because you really stepped up and you said something. Second question that we ask is what, what I ask is what do you need from
[01:30:02] me? And I lead this guys. I lead this conversation. What do you need from me right now? What do you need? Well, I just need you to be here. I need a hug. I need you to hold me more. I need, I need,
[01:30:13] I need you to show up here for this. And then the third thing that I ask is what do we need to conquer this week together? And then we just look at our schedule and we just go, what do we need
[01:30:23] to tackle together? You know, we work together, we live together. So it's difficult for us because we're together all the time. And I do this every single week because I'm open. So she, she knows
[01:30:36] every week that her heart can be opened up and things change. Lady, did I do okay for you?
[01:30:44] Did I help you a little bit?
[01:30:46] Men, security is built by patterns and habits, not just words.
[01:30:52] Her security is gonna come by the patterns and habits that you make.
[01:30:55] Amen, why don't you stand up?
[01:30:56] Let's pray together, then we'll go home.
[01:31:00] Father, thank you.
[01:31:02] Thank you for your word.
[01:31:05] Thank you for the great revealer that it is, God, that we can look in your word and it's a mirror.
[01:31:12] And in fact, the Bible tells us that it's a mirror, that we can hold it up and we can see who you have created us to be.
[01:31:19] the areas that we're lacking, the areas that we're growing, the areas that we're doing so good.
[01:31:27] Father, we lean into you today in all of our relationships, whether it's in our marriage or in our friendships or in our dating relationships or at work or church.
[01:31:39] And Father, we don't wanna just have conflict.
[01:31:41] We wanna resolve that conflict.
[01:31:43] We wanna be walking out in the grace of that ministry of reconciliation.
[01:31:49] God, help us to look in.
[01:31:51] God, help us to look out, help us to look up.
[01:31:53] We wanna hear your voice today.
[01:31:56] And Father, most of all, we wanna look to the cross.
[01:31:59] We wanna build our lives and our families and our futures on the foundation of your cross.
[01:32:08] Jesus, you suffered so much for us.
[01:32:12] We're so thankful.
[01:32:14] We sing about it today.
[01:32:15] There's nobody worthy like you.
[01:32:17] There's no one who has paid a price like you have for us.
[01:32:22] so father I pray right now if there anybody is anybody in this room or maybe sound of my voice Lord that their life is not built on the foundation of the cross the death burial and resurrection of
[01:32:40] Jesus Christ because I know and your word teaches us that there's no well where there's no way we will ever have peace in our life without that we'll never have joy the trueness of joy without
[01:32:53] a relationship with you. So father, I pray if there's any man, there's any woman here today that, that if they're not fully devoted, fully committed to you, no, not, not without mistake.
[01:33:08] We're all going to make mistakes. We're all sinners saved by grace. Lord, we're, we've all fallen short of the glory of God, but God, there's, there's, there's a cross. There's a debt that's been paid. That's the blood that can wash us clean. So father, we, I ask right now, if there's
[01:33:24] anybody in this place, there's anybody in this room that doesn't have a relationship with Jesus Christ. You don't know him personally. And you want to, you want to, you want to recommit, rededicate your life to Jesus Christ. I want to pray for you right now. I'm going to count to
[01:33:41] three in just a second. If you say that's me, would you just raise your hand? So I just know who I'm praying for. I want to, I want to commit my life to Jesus. I want to be fully devoted to
[01:33:51] Jesus Christ. I want to build my house, my marriage, my future, my life on the rock of Jesus Christ. I want to start a relationship with you, Lord, that will last forever. I want to count
[01:34:03] to three. If you say that's me, just raise your hand. Ready? One, two, three. Just raise your hand all across this room. Thank you. Let's all pray this prayer together. Church family, join with them as they make this declaration over their life. Let's pray this out loud. Everyone say,
[01:34:18] Heavenly Father, I believe that Jesus died for me. I believe that his blood washes me of all my sins and all my mistakes. Today, I make a commitment to you, Lord, that I will follow you and I will
[01:34:35] serve you all the days of my life. Thank you, Jesus, for being raised from the dead so I could start brand new. Old things have passed away. I'm a brand new person in Jesus name. And all God's

[01:34:49] [SPEAKER SPEAKER_20]
[01:34:49] people said, amen, amen, amen. Amen. Amen. Pastor Roy, thank you for that message. Man, it's so good sometimes to have that one person that you can go to maybe as a couple that can be that impartial
[01:35:02] third party to help you navigate some of the tricky things when it comes to relationships.
[01:35:06] And we want to help you with that. If you go to freedomhouse.cc slash counselors, there's a list of counselors that we have vetted and approved and can help you navigate those things. Or if it's just you personally, you've got some stuff you've got to deal with. Counseling is great. We
[01:35:19] super support that and encourage you to do that. Yeah. And we have something cool coming up here

[01:35:23] [SPEAKER SPEAKER_15]
[01:35:23] in a few weeks that you're going to share about here in a second. But if you are a first time guest, welcome, welcome home. If you accepted Jesus today, welcome to the best decision of
[01:35:31] your life. So can we just give it up for all of those people who have taken that next step today?
[01:35:36] We're so proud of you.
[01:35:38] We have something for you at Guest Central.
[01:35:40] We'd love to get it in your hands.
[01:35:41] So make sure you stop right outside those doors after service.
[01:35:45] Like I said, we'd love to equip you with something for your next step.

[01:35:48] [SPEAKER SPEAKER_20]
[01:35:48] Yeah, and there's tons of stuff that's happening right here at Freedom House.
[01:35:51] You can actually pull out your phone and tap the button that's on the seat in front of you to find out all the things that are happening.
[01:35:56] And one thing I wanna highlight is starting on March 3rd.
[01:35:58] This is our Forward Basic classes.
[01:36:01] Basically, Forward is an opportunity for us to look at, deal with, and heal from the things that are holding us back from the freedom that God has for each one of us.
[01:36:11] The saying around forward is, if your past is affecting your present, it's not really in your past.
[01:36:16] So that's starting on March 3rd.
[01:36:17] You can go to freedomhouse.cc forward to sign up for that.
[01:36:20] It's two Tuesday nights and then a Saturday weekend experience.
[01:36:24] And it is phenomenal.
[01:36:25] You don't wanna miss it.
[01:36:26] So you can step into the freedom that God has for you.
[01:36:29] Make sure you check that out and all the other things that are going on here at Freedom House.
[01:36:32] We love you.
[01:36:33] See you next Sunday. You are dismissed.