Beyond Behavior: A Theological Review of ‘Disciplining Anger’

[00:19:11] [SPEAKER SPEAKER_00]
[00:19:11] We have a chance to continue to worship together today by inviting some families up here that are going to be dedicating their children today.
[00:19:19] Make some noise for these guys right here.
[00:19:22] We're excited to celebrate with you guys today.
[00:19:27] You guys can go ahead and grab a seat here for a moment out here.
[00:19:35] There's a lot of prayers happening right now.
[00:19:37] They are praying for accident-free and well-behaved children up here on the stage.
[00:19:45] But here's the good news, kids.
[00:19:46] Let me just tell you something.
[00:19:48] You guys don't have to worry at all.
[00:19:49] You don't have to say anything.
[00:19:51] This is actually all the pressures on mom and dads right now.
[00:19:54] So, I mean, everything is on them because today is really not about a commitment from the kids, but today is about celebrating a commitment from the parents.
[00:20:06] And so we're excited to celebrate with you guys these commitments to raise your children in a way that is honoring to God and that shows the love of God to them.
[00:20:18] You know, seeing family dedication always reminds me that we've got three kids, my wife and I, and I remember when we would leave our first son with a babysitter.
[00:20:31] I remember like that very first time we did it, and it was an anxiety attack.
[00:20:35] I remember we were so afraid of, you know, are they doing everything right?
[00:20:40] Are they trustworthy?
[00:20:41] worthy. I remember we were, we were checking in like every 15 minutes while we were out and we were, we were watching the cameras and seeing, you know, are they doing everything they're supposed to be doing? P.S. they were not doing everything they were supposed to be doing. You know, now that we have three, it's like, we just need a warm body. We'll just get rid of them with any, I'm kidding.
[00:21:01] But in all reality, you know, it's a reminder of this. As much as you love these kids and as much they're your kids before they're your kids they're God's children first and foremost and he has entrusted you to love these children to care for these children to show them the love the father has through them through the parents to uh to protect them and teach them what is right and what is wrong and to ultimately point them back to him in all things and so what a tremendous responsibility. And what a blessing that we as one church get to walk alongside of you. And so today we've got a few commitments. These guys took the class last week right there among all the ice storms, made it out. And so I'm going to read a few commitments. And if you agree to these commitments, you'll simply say nice and loud, we will. So let's practice together. I'll read a commitment and you will say, oh man, you guys sound nice and loud. Perfect. So today I will choose this day to live with the commandments of God on my heart. That you guys will first set the example for your children in what you do. Not just by what you say, but what you do. I will love my child with the unconditional love of Jesus. A reminder that our love for our kids is not unconditional. There will be days you have to choose to love your kids. You have to choose to care for your kids. You have to choose to sacrifice for your kids. I will accept responsibility to be my child's spiritual leader and impress the truth of the love of God on my children as we live life together. And finally, I will pray for my child to know Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior. And then church, we have a responsibility to them as well, to pray for them, to encourage them. We know there will be days they come to the end of themselves, and we as a church want to be there to support and encourage our families. And whether that's in serving in Cove Kids, to encouraging the parents and doing life with the parents, will you as one church take responsibility to have this village mentality to raise up our kids and care for our kids and set an example for our kids that goes beyond the house, but also into the church? If so, will you say, we will. Let me pray for us today. Father God, we love you. We thank you for the good father that you are to us, that you have loved us unconditionally, that you have sacrificed for us, that you continue to teach us. And Father, today we come to you first as your children and say thank you for being a good father. We pray for these parents here today and these kids that are up here as well. We pray that as parents that we would model the love that you have for us to our children. I pray for strength for each and every one of these parents when they're going through days that they feel like they don't have the ability, the patience, the strength to be the parent that they know they're being called to be, that, Lord, the Holy Spirit would speak and move.
[00:24:32] That, God, you'd give us patience where we need patience, love where we need love, strength where we need strength, that when we come to the end of ourselves, we would find these things in you.
[00:24:45] And so thank you so much for each and every parent here.
[00:24:48] We pray for blessings and protections over their family.
[00:24:51] We pray for these kids that they would grow up coming to know you at a young age, understanding your love, understanding what unconditional love really means, both in their homes and in their church.
[00:25:05] And then in a world that is so crazy and so chaotic and we can get so panicked around all the influences, I pray there would be a safe place at their home and in their church, places where they would come to know your goodness, your love, and your command.
[00:25:24] And that, Lord, these kids would come to experience the freedom of knowing Christ.
[00:25:30] We thank you so much for being a good father to us.
[00:25:34] We thank you so much for the blessings that you pour out on us.
[00:25:38] And we pray that we would honor you in everything we do.
[00:25:42] We come to you in the name of Jesus.
[00:25:45] Amen.
[00:25:47] Hey, can we celebrate with these guys?
[00:25:49] Good job!
[00:25:51] No tantrums thrown, clean clothes still.

[00:25:55] [SPEAKER SPEAKER_07]
[00:25:55] Love you guys.
[00:25:56] Amen.
[00:25:57] Let's give it up one more time for these amazing families, these adorable kids.
[00:26:03] And can I say good morning, Cove Church.
[00:26:06] Man, does it feel good to say that, huh?
[00:26:08] Who's excited to be back here in person this Sunday morning, praising together, worshiping together.
[00:26:15] And we want to give a super special welcome to all of our first-time guests if this is your very first time joining us, we're so glad that you're here. Do not leave here today without letting somebody know. There's a couple ways that you can get connected. You can scan that QR code on the seat in front of you and click new here or come find us in person. Our next step area is right through those double doors in the back. Our team members are there. They would love to meet you, hear your story, tell you all about who we are here at The Cove and they even got a welcome gift for you. And you can hear all about what we have going on. And speaking of Friday night, we had a worship night in here. And man, this place was rocking. It was amazing. God's presence was just flowing through this place. If you missed that on Friday, I've got some good news for you. We are actually going to be uploading that worship service to our YouTube channel within the next few days. So you too can watch that and be a part of all that God was doing here on Friday night. So church, thank you for your generosity. It's your tithes and your offerings that enable all of this to be possible. And if you'd like to be a part of that, you can give online at covechurch.org slash give or in the silver boxes in the back of the room. So with the snow days that we've had, I've been saying a rare snow day, but after 12 days in a row, I don't think it's that rare anymore, but we did have to move the schedules around a little bit.
[00:27:41] So on your seats today, we do have these invites to our Vision Sunday.
[00:27:46] So mark your calendar.
[00:27:47] These invites right here, these are for you.
[00:27:50] Grab these, mark the calendar for Sunday, February 22nd.
[00:27:54] We're going to talk all about the vision for the church in 2026.
[00:27:58] And when I say the church, I mean us, each and every one of you.
[00:28:02] What is the vision for this church this coming year?
[00:28:05] So we would love to see all of you right back here that Sunday morning.
[00:28:09] And then next week is one of the best Sundays of the entire year.
[00:28:13] It is our Baptism Sunday.
[00:28:15] Come on, let's get excited for everyone that's going to be going public with their faith, professing their faith in Jesus by going into the water.
[00:28:24] And if you're here today and you have never been baptized by immersion, or if you've recently given your life to Christ, or maybe this is one of your first times joining us here, We would love to speak with you.
[00:28:35] We'd love to pray with you and see if baptism might be your next step.
[00:28:39] So for now, why don't you guys bring your attention to the screens and check out this video to see if your step next week is to get into the water.

[00:28:53] [SPEAKER SPEAKER_01]
[00:28:53] Water, it starts only as a drop until it becomes part of something greater than itself.
[00:29:01] Action, it's only movement until it has a purpose.
[00:29:07] Surrender, it sounds like giving up unless you know what you're receiving.
[00:29:14] Witness, the act of testifying, of bringing forth evidence.
[00:29:20] Baptism is my bringing forth of evidence to witness to those before me that I willfully surrender.
[00:29:29] I surrender to forgiveness and mercy.
[00:29:33] I surrender to freedom and purpose.
[00:29:36] I surrender to Jesus.
[00:29:40] This action is my testimony to proclaim the good news to the world around me.
[00:29:48] And it starts by entering the water.

[00:29:54] [SPEAKER SPEAKER_00]
[00:29:54] Man, love that.
[00:29:55] Can we celebrate?
[00:29:58] Baptism's coming up.
[00:30:00] Hey, and we're in person.
[00:30:02] It's good to be together.
[00:30:03] Isn't it, church?
[00:30:04] I miss you guys.
[00:30:06] It's not as fun just talking to a camera in an empty room, let me tell you right now.
[00:30:11] It's good to be together.
[00:30:12] We're continuing with our series on emotions.
[00:30:15] Last week, if you missed it, we filmed it for online.
[00:30:21] It was all about emotions and just kind of an overview that emotions are not a bad thing, all right?
[00:30:29] Let's just get that out of the way.
[00:30:31] God gave us emotions, and he gave us emotions for a purpose.
[00:30:37] Now, here's the thing, and where we can often get confused, we talked about last week. Just because emotions have a purpose doesn't mean emotions should be driving the car of life, if you will. That our emotions shouldn't dictate all of our actions or our moral compass, because at the end of the day, sometimes our emotions aren't rooted in truth. And so this series is all about how do we discipline our emotions? How do we get the most out of the emotions that God gave us and use them for the purpose that he gave to us while also keeping them disciplined. And so we talked about last week the concept of emotions are meant to be a tip-off to us when something's not right. Simply put, if you don't like the fruit, you should check the root. And that rhymes, so you know it has to be true. That's how preaching works. If it rhymes, It's true. And so the idea is when our emotions are out of whack or when we even lack emotions around certain things, we should probably check why that is. It's sometimes the check engine light that we get in life. And so over the next couple of weeks, we're going to unpack specific emotions and talk about what the Bible says about the purpose of that emotion, as well as how to discipline that emotion.
[00:32:02] And today, we're talking about the emotion of anger.
[00:32:05] Anyone ready for that?
[00:32:07] Oh, yeah.
[00:32:08] Some of you guys are like, come on.
[00:32:10] I see some people nudging their spouse right now.
[00:32:13] That is a bad idea.
[00:32:14] They're going to knock that coffee cup out of your hand if they got anger problems.
[00:32:18] You know, the emotion of anger, you don't need me to tell you that we all deal with anger.
[00:32:25] And look, you might deal with anger in a way that the world says is a good way to deal with anger.
[00:32:33] You know, maybe you're able to bottle it up really well or, you know, not show your anger too much, but it doesn't change the fact that every one of us does deal with anger at some point or another.
[00:32:45] I've been learning that, you know, I'm a little out of touch.
[00:32:48] I've been a pastor for several years.
[00:32:50] I'm expected to be at all the services.
[00:32:53] You know, it's important that I'm at the service if I'm preaching it. And so my wife and I don't do the get ready three kids and get them packed up and loaded up in the car and go to church game that all of you guys do. I'm learning that's a spiritual battle that's happening every Sunday morning in all of our families across the cove.
[00:33:15] Can I get an amen? Trying to get to be on time, even if it's just you, it's a spiritual battle and a test in anger.
[00:33:25] I could understand how this could happen because while we don't do the get rushed Sunday morning routine, my wife and I will take the kids out for a day or on a road trip.
[00:33:38] And my poor wife, she will get the kids ready.
[00:33:41] She'll get jackets on.
[00:33:43] She'll get them shoes.
[00:33:44] They'll have their toys and their books and everything all set up for the car.
[00:33:47] And she looks over at me and that's the time I decide it's time to get a shirt on and start getting ready.
[00:33:53] you know? Can I get an amen if you know what I'm talking about? You know, I understand. I thought maybe you guys just like being late, you know, at Lake Life people. I didn't realize you're fighting the devil every Sunday morning just to get here. Or even if you're not getting a family ready, you still get to deal with Cove traffic. The blessing that is Cove traffic. That means we're reaching a lot of people, amen? But Cove traffic is different than all the other traffic, Because Cove traffic, you have to be on your best behavior in Cove traffic.
[00:34:26] You laugh because it's true, right?
[00:34:28] It's different than 77 Thursday afternoon traffic.
[00:34:32] Cove traffic, you know you're pulling in to the same place with all these people, right?
[00:34:36] I got a smile when that wackadoodle's doing something stupid on the road, you know?
[00:34:41] It's totally different.
[00:34:43] You don't need me to tell you that we all deal with anger.
[00:34:46] Maybe for you, your anger comes out behind the wheel of a car.
[00:34:51] Maybe for you, your anger comes out when you are on the golf course.
[00:34:55] Oh, come on, I'm preaching to somebody now.
[00:34:58] Maybe for you, your anger comes out because your kids haven't been in school in two weeks and the roads didn't look that bad for a few of those days.
[00:35:08] Maybe for you, your anger comes out when you're watching sports.
[00:35:11] You're a Tar Heel fan, and for 39 minutes and 59.6 seconds, you were angry.
[00:35:19] And now, Duke fans, you're angry for the next month until we play again.
[00:35:23] Can I get an amen?
[00:35:25] Go Tar Heels.
[00:35:26] That's my only Tar Heel joke the whole time.
[00:35:28] I always get asked, how much Tar Heel are you gonna talk, right?
[00:35:31] I know.
[00:35:33] Let me get real for a second because we were talking about some of the funny things.
[00:35:38] Anger can mess up a lot of things.
[00:35:41] Maybe for you, there's anger in your workplace.
[00:35:44] You're always frustrated at your workplace and you're known as the Christian.
[00:35:47] You're known as the one who's supposed to be a light in your workplace, but man, you are so angry at work. It's hurting your witness. Christians are often known as angry people. I remember that when I was working at a restaurant, that was like the common thing was Sunday afternoon. That's when you get some of the angriest people you're going to get all week long because it's the Christians coming out of church, coming to the restaurant, you know, and they're angry, high demands, angry about everything. Or maybe for you, your anger is coming out in your relationships. You're able to bottle it up around the people that you don't spend much time with, but when you come home, there's anger. Anger can have an impact in your marriage. Maybe you're living that right now. Anger can have an impact in your relationship with your kids or your parents. Or as you get older, your adult siblings, anger, resentment, hurt, or unforgiveness are all things that we struggle with. And so today, what we're going to really dive into is not how to get rid of anger. Because again, anger is an emotion that is meant to be a tip-off. It's not that anger is the worst thing, but it is also an emotion that we need to discipline.
[00:37:04] And so today we're talking about what does that biblically mean to discipline our anger? If you got your Bibles, you can open them up to James chapter one today. It's where we're going to be living throughout this passage. Now, James, a little bit about the author. The author of the book of James is James. He is the brother of Jesus. Commonly believed that Mary and Joseph had a child after Jesus, which was James. So he's technically, I guess, the half brother. They share mom, not dad. And, you know, I think this is really one of the proofs, because James, after Jesus' death and resurrection, was actually one of the key guys that helped encourage the churches and build the churches around this idea that my brother was the Son of God. Now, this is great evidence that Jesus must have done some sort of miracle that was unexplainable. How many of you guys have siblings here in the house. Just show of hands. What would it take for you as a younger brother to acknowledge that your older brother is the son of God? It would take some sort of miracle. Can I get an amen? I've got brothers. It's going to take a whole lot for me to acknowledge them as the son of God. And yet James proclaimed that his brother is the son of God. And so check this out in James 1, verse 19, he teaches on specifically the topic of anger. And I want us to read this together.
[00:38:40] I'll get us started. Know this, my beloved brothers, let every person, and this is what we're going to read together. Will you read this with me, church? Let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger. All right? So we're just going to focus on those three concepts. And And look, I know this start is not winning any awards.
[00:39:02] How do you control your anger?
[00:39:04] Be slower to anger.
[00:39:05] You know, great advice.
[00:39:06] Thank you very much for that today.
[00:39:08] But if you look, that's not what James is saying.
[00:39:11] He's not saying this is three individual things.
[00:39:13] Think of it more as a progression than just three individual things, that they're all tied together, that when we are quicker to listen, slower to speak, we become slower to anger.
[00:39:29] that it's a progression, not just three individual commands.
[00:39:34] Now, maybe you've heard of Gallup Polls.
[00:39:36] Gallup Polls has been doing surveys and polling, and they do all sorts of fun polls.
[00:39:41] They've been doing polls for 90 years.
[00:39:43] Here's what they found about anger in our culture.
[00:39:45] They said, in the 2020s, we as a culture are angrier than we've ever been in the history of Gallup Polls.
[00:39:53] I thought, that is fascinating, isn't it?
[00:39:55] Think about how much more we have today than we did 90 years ago.
[00:40:00] Did you see the toys they were playing with 90 years ago?
[00:40:02] I mean, those sorry people, you know?
[00:40:05] I mean, we have so much more today.
[00:40:07] We have more access to food and water and to our needs.
[00:40:11] We have more knowledge.
[00:40:13] We have more connectivity to each other.
[00:40:16] We have more technology.
[00:40:17] We have more access to healthcare.
[00:40:20] We have way more entertainment than we've ever had before.
[00:40:24] And yet people are angrier now than they've ever been in the history of polling.
[00:40:31] Isn't that wild?
[00:40:32] If you step back and think about it, it might just come back to this verse that while yes, we have more, we also are quicker to speak and slower to listen than we've ever been before also.
[00:40:48] You know, it's so easy for us to speak now.
[00:40:52] You know, we don't even need to say anything out loud.
[00:40:55] We can speak without even having to confront someone or talk to someone.
[00:41:01] We can sit behind the wheel of our car and make our voice heard, amen?
[00:41:06] We can lay on that horn, signal you're number one, whatever you wanna, I mean, we absolutely make our voice heard, or going online.
[00:41:17] You can get out there on social media or in the comments section of any YouTube video out there.
[00:41:23] Have you ever just stopped and read the comment sections for a little bit?
[00:41:26] That's a happy place, isn't it?
[00:41:28] That is a dark place.
[00:41:30] It could be a video about puppies.
[00:41:32] Someone's gonna be mad about something in there, you know?
[00:41:35] I mean, we can be so quick to get online and to angry post.
[00:41:41] Maybe we smile and say nice things in person, but then we go and put a post out there basically describing our situations, omitting the names and saying, this is a healthy way to deal with my anger, you know? We can so quickly make our voice heard. Or how about even just this simple one? When our boss or spouse or friend frustrates us, we can pull on our phone and text somebody else exactly what's going on in our life and the the disjustice, the injustice that's happening in our life right now. Our voice, we can be so quick to complain, so quick to point out where we've been wronged, so quick to point out things that we don't like. And, you know, if you go back to this verse, James says this, and I want us to really understand this. Here, I think this, is this camera on me right here? This camera's on me.
[00:42:37] Zoom in, zoom in. Come in here, right here, right here, right here, all right? Just come in here for a second, all right? Here we go. Are we getting uncomfortably close? Okay, thank you. Thank you.
[00:42:46] Here we go. James has advice for you. If you are struggling with anger, here's his advice to you.
[00:42:54] Shut up. Come on. If someone wants to applaud that, go ahead. Let's applaud it. You know, so you don't want to just, all right, you can take that camera off me. It's a little too close.
[00:43:07] You get my nose hairs and stuff. Can we cut to a different camera or something? You know, we don't always have to speak. All right. We don't always have to be the first one to point out where something is wrong. This is actually a discipline to learn to listen, to be slower to speak, to not always have to get out there. What I mean by that, learning to listen includes listening when someone is sharing a viewpoint that you really don't agree with, or learning to listen when someone is just dead wrong. Have you ever had to listen to a dead wrong person, you know? Like they're saying something you know is wrong. It becomes like our duty to point out how stupid they are. You know what I'm saying? We're like, I want to save you from sounding so stupid. Let me help you out. You're wrong, you know? I mean, it's like impossible for us to bite our tongue on that. But I want us to follow the example of Jesus. Can we just go back to Jesus's life for a moment? Jesus was around people all the time who were just dead wrong. Can I get an amen? Who came to him with statements that were just wrong, with questions trying to trap him. He had people that were trying to get him arrested, trying to get him in trouble that he knew had bad intentions. And yet Jesus didn't interrupt them. I can't think of one passage. I went looking. I couldn't find one passage where Jesus cut somebody off. Isn't that amazing. If anyone would have had the right to be like, stop talking. You don't know what you're talking about. Let me take over. It would have been Jesus. But Jesus listened. Jesus let people ask their questions. People even let Jesus with their bad intentions speak out. And yes, he corrected them. Yes, he spoke the truth, but he didn't need to talk over people. He practiced this.
[00:45:10] He was slow to speak, quick to listen, willing to listen so that he could correct in gentleness.
[00:45:19] Oftentimes the very untruths that people were saying to him, he would use their very words to illustrate what is actually true.
[00:45:30] He did it with a level of gentleness.
[00:45:33] He did it with a level of love.
[00:45:36] Even when what they were saying might've made him angry, Jesus still didn't cut people off.
[00:45:44] You know, have you ever heard something before?
[00:45:47] We're like so eager to get in there.
[00:45:49] Or sometimes we even listen only so that when they say something stupid, we can go, gotcha!
[00:45:55] You know, you're busted.
[00:46:01] When you're slow to speak, have you ever had this happen before?
[00:46:05] Someone shares something that on first hearing it, you go, I don't agree with that, or I think that's wrong, or that's just factually not true.
[00:46:13] But as they keep talking, you begin to understand how they came to that conclusion, even if you still don't agree with it, even if they're still wrong.
[00:46:22] You begin to have a better understanding of where they're coming from.
[00:46:26] You begin to have a better understanding of their heart and why they're saying what they're saying, even if you still don't agree with them.
[00:46:33] Have you ever had that happen before?
[00:46:34] If you're saying, no, I've never had that happen before, you might really need to learn to shut up.
[00:46:40] I love you.
[00:46:42] It might be because we don't listen.
[00:46:45] You know, Jesus was willing to listen to people, even when they were wrong.
[00:46:50] He wasn't listening to people because he needed his opinion to be changed or he didn't understand.
[00:46:56] But when he listened to people, it built connectivity.
[00:47:00] He was able to speak into exactly what they were saying.
[00:47:03] He was able to show that he understood what they were saying and where they were coming from.
[00:47:09] And oftentimes he was able to correct them into the truth. Church, I want to encourage you. So often we get into fights. We get into disagreements, whether it's at work or with our spouse or with our kids or with our parents.
[00:47:23] And we enter into these conversations just waiting for them to say something wrong so we can jump down their throat and point out how they're wrong. Learn to listen so that you can better understand where they're coming from. It doesn't mean they're right. Even if they're dead wrong. Learn to listen so that you can better speak the truth into their life. James points out you want to be slower to anger. It starts with being quicker to listen, slower to speak.
[00:48:02] You're getting yourself all ramped up, needing to get in there all the time. Have you ever had the anxiety attack of like feeling like I'm not going to get my point in there? You know what I'm saying? When you're disagreeing with someone, you're like, I gotta get in there, you know?
[00:48:16] or have you ever talked to someone that you can just tell they're just waiting for you to stop moving your lips for one second so that they can jump in?
[00:48:22] You know what I'm talking about?
[00:48:25] It's like, you know what that's doing?
[00:48:27] Just rising the blood pressure, just bringing more anger in.
[00:48:31] Just so used to, I gotta get in there.
[00:48:34] Learn to be okay listening.
[00:48:38] Practice being slow to speak.
[00:48:42] Look at, James goes on, he says this.
[00:48:45] for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God. So he says, here's how you become slower to anger because the anger of man does not and cannot produce the righteousness of God. Your human anger, even if it's based on righteous things, when we give in, give our tongue over to our anger, it doesn't produce God's righteousness, even if it comes from a good place, even if it started in a good place. Here's what I'm talking about. You know, a lot of people, we love when we're talking about anger to point to, well, Jesus got angry, right? And I'm just following Jesus. Jesus got angry. He went to the temple that one time, and he flipped tables. He even put together a whip to drive people out of the temple because of the way that they were handling money and turned it into a money exchange and were actually preventing people from being in God's presence. And so Jesus became angry and flipped tables and drove people out and pointed out how wrong all this was. You know, it's pretty undeniable. There were things that happened in Jesus's life that were upsetting to him, that brought him, yes, anger. And there are things in our lives that should make us a little angry. Can I get an amen? Come on, I know you want to say it. There are things you should be angry about in this world. Can I get an amen? All right, let me just tell you, the celebration of sin should make us angry. The celebration of sin, when it's like rejoiced about. That shouldn't sit right with us. That should make you go, what is going on there?
[00:50:34] You know, that should upset us a little bit. Or injustice. When we see something that's just wrong or taking advantage of someone, that should bring a level of anger. In fact, if those things don't bring a level of anger, you should check the roots due to your lack of emotion of why do I not feel anything around this. But here's what we have to understand. There's a difference between anger beginning to make us go, what's wrong here? Why is this not the truth? Beginning us down the process of how do we bring truth to this situation and just giving control of the wheel over to our anger, giving our mouth over to anger and immediately responding out of anger. Can I just be clear here. Jesus absolutely was angry about certain things, but when he came and flipped tables, that was not Jesus road raging, all right? That wasn't Jesus just losing control.
[00:51:33] Scripture is pretty clear that he went in there and did these things, and that his disciples in John chapter 2, you can go look at it, his disciples saw it and realized how much zeal and love he had for God's house and how important that was to him. He was doing this not because he wanted to hurt people or he wanted, you know, to punish people. He was doing this to let people know this is a big deal. This matters. You know, he was doing it with passion, but he was not just operating out of anger. Let me try to make this practical for us for just a moment.
[00:52:10] I'm going to talk to parents for just a second here. Parents, you should discipline your kids.
[00:52:16] It's one of the things God calls us to do is teach our kids what is right, what is wrong, what is good, what is evil.
[00:52:23] You should discipline your kids not to run rampant in the grocery store parking lot.
[00:52:28] Can I get an amen?
[00:52:29] You should punish them if they do that so that they know, no, that's a big deal.
[00:52:33] You can really get hurt doing that.
[00:52:35] You should teach your kids not to lie.
[00:52:38] You should help them understand the weight of dishonesty.
[00:52:42] We should teach our kids to love and not hate and how hate can be so destructive.
[00:52:49] We have to discipline our kids.
[00:52:52] And many of you will discipline your kids in many different ways.
[00:52:56] But we should not discipline our kids out of anger.
[00:53:01] Our kids might do something that actually make us angry.
[00:53:03] Can I get an amen on that?
[00:53:05] Your kids will do things that make you angry.
[00:53:07] You'll be like, I taught you 10 times not to do that.
[00:53:10] You know, we discipline our kids, but not out of anger.
[00:53:16] They might do something that makes us angry, but we need to take a breath and discipline our kids because we want to teach them something, not because we're frustrated.
[00:53:26] And let's play that out.
[00:53:29] If you're in a family, whether that's in spanking, whether that's in sending your kid to your room, whether that's in raising the volume to attend to get your kid's attention or taking something away, no matter how you discipline your kids, it should never be done out of anger because the anger of man does not bring the righteousness of God.
[00:53:55] Even if it's good intentioned, your anger never produces the righteousness of God, right standing with God in either yourself or somebody else.
[00:54:08] You should never lay a hand on your kid out of anger.
[00:54:12] You should never be frustrated in disciplining your kid.
[00:54:18] We can go beyond just the physical.
[00:54:22] Emotionally, yelling at your kids.
[00:54:24] Can I just tell you, I understand.
[00:54:26] I grew up in a lecturing household.
[00:54:29] I don't know about you guys.
[00:54:30] Did anyone else grow up with a lecturing parent?
[00:54:32] I was like, I wish you'd just spank me if I'm being honest with you, you know?
[00:54:37] I'm 18 and I'd rather you spank me than listen to this any longer, you know?
[00:54:42] I mean, I had a lecturing family, but we shouldn't even yell at our kids out of anger.
[00:54:51] I can raise up the volume to a 10 because sometimes, look, let's face it.
[00:54:55] If your volume's at a three all the time, your kids don't even hear you.
[00:54:58] They tune you out like Charlie Brown teacher, you know?
[00:55:00] I mean, I've said something.
[00:55:02] I'm like, I say it again, I say it again.
[00:55:03] And they go, boys, do you hear me?
[00:55:05] And they're like, what?
[00:55:06] Were you talking?
[00:55:07] I didn't even hear you, you know?
[00:55:08] I'm like, this is the fourth time.
[00:55:10] Sometimes you gotta raise the volume level.
[00:55:12] I get it.
[00:55:12] There's nothing wrong with that.
[00:55:14] You're doing that to get their attention and to teach them what's important.
[00:55:18] But if I'm just instantly popping off, yelling at my kids all the time, that's out of anger.
[00:55:24] That's to make myself feel better and release my frustration for that moment.
[00:55:28] You won't feel better about it long-term, but in the moment, you're operating out of anger.
[00:55:33] Or if you take something away, can I just get this one out of the way?
[00:55:35] If you're breaking your kids' toys in front of them or breaking their video games in front of them.
[00:55:41] You're not doing that to discipline them.
[00:55:43] You're doing that out of anger and frustration.
[00:55:47] Let's be real.
[00:55:49] And so learn, yes, anger tips us off that something's not right, but let's learn to not discipline out of anger.
[00:55:59] And let's take it beyond just kids.
[00:56:02] Let's learn in our conversations not to correct out of anger.
[00:56:07] Have you ever been there before?
[00:56:08] Someone's just wrong and you just, it becomes your life mission to let them know they're wrong and win the fight. That's doing it out of anger. It's not doing it out of love. It's not doing it to help somebody. Here, let's make this practical. Someone's going to say something stupid at your Super Bowl party tonight, okay?
[00:56:23] That's going to happen. And are you going to get all worked up about it? Are you going to be able to let it go and just, you know, I don't need to fight that fight? Or am I going to get so caught up on it and get angry and get worked up and have to prove my point. You know, we can be on the right side of the argument. We can be on the right side of the morality on an issue and still lose the argument because of the way we engage the argument. Have you seen that before? You can be on the right side of morality. You can be on the right side of the argument and still ultimately lose the argument because of the way you handle yourself. I feel like one of the places I've seen this is in my marriage. Several years ago, my wife and I got in a fight, and I don't remember what this fight was about. That's how important it was. But I do remember one thing very specifically about this fight. I was right. Like a hundred percent, I was right. It was one of the most exciting moments.
[00:57:28] Have you ever had this before? It was so exciting. You know, we were in the middle of this fight. I was trying. And I realized halfway through the fight, like, oh my goodness, I'm actually right on this. She's wrong. You know? And I looked up at the score and it was 83 to four over the last, you know, several years. And I'm like, this is where the comeback starts right here. You know, I'm going to start getting back in this thing. And I was so excited to be right. And I knew, I was like, I got you. I got you, you know? And we kept going in this fight and I cut her off and pointed out how she was being wrong and hypocritical.
[00:58:03] And, you know, I stuck the landing, you know, hands up in the air, like nailed it, you know.
[00:58:10] And something happened I did not see coming.
[00:58:11] I still lost that fight.
[00:58:14] You know what I'm saying?
[00:58:15] I still ended up apologizing at the end of that fight because I was wrong by the end, you know.
[00:58:21] She even acknowledged, no, you're right about that.
[00:58:23] But now look what you've done, you know.
[00:58:25] I mean, let me just be clear.
[00:58:34] You can be dead right about what's honoring to God and dishonoring to God.
[00:58:39] But by the way you treat others, you can still lose that fight.
[00:58:44] You can be dead right about what is correct and obedient to God and what's disobedient to God.
[00:58:49] But by the way you cut off others, put down others, try to win the fight, try to flex your muscle in the fight, you become dead wrong.
[00:59:02] And so I wanna encourage you.
[00:59:03] Okay, when someone wants to clap for that, you go right ahead.
[00:59:05] I mean, I love that.
[00:59:06] Because why? Because the anger of man cannot produce the righteousness of God. When we give our tongue over to anger, it doesn't produce the righteousness of God. Even if the issue, you're on the right side of it. Look at this, James 1.21. He goes on to say this. Therefore, he raises the bar on what's going on here. Put away all filthiness and rampant wickedness.
[00:59:34] He's like, that's where you're at now. And receive with, can we say this word together, church?
[00:59:39] receive with meekness the implanted word which is able to save your souls. You know, James begins to draw this picture that meekness and receiving the gospel with meekness is so crucial. Now this idea seems like a different idea, but let's keep it tied into this topic of anger for a minute because he's saying it right after he just was talking about anger. He's not moving on to something else. He's talking about the contrast between meekness and anger. And he says, in order to receive the gospel, you have to be meek. You know why? That's humble. That's willing to lower yourself. You know why? Because the gospel is offensive. Can I get an amen? The gospel says this. It's good news, but the gospel at its core says this. No matter what you do, no matter how hard you try, no matter how great a person you are, no matter how many meals you give out, no matter how many good things you do in your life, your best deeds still do not make you perfect enough to inherit the kingdom of God. At your best, your scripture says this, your best deeds are like filthy rags in comparison to the presence of the Lord. This is why the gospel is offensive. It says, no matter how great a person you are, you can't save yourself. You can't be perfect enough to stand before God and go, I think I did pretty good. Judge me, God. But in fact, God loves you so much that he sent his son, Jesus Christ, who died on the cross for your sin, who actually, while he hung on the cross, cried out, my God, my God, why have you forsaken me?
[01:01:33] because he took on the weight and the shame of my sin and your sins and died before his father and before people to show the weight of sin.
[01:01:47] And he died separated from God.
[01:01:53] He resurrected three days later to show he's greater than even sin and death and that only through Jesus Christ am I saved.
[01:02:01] There are no amount of good works I can do to stand before God and be saved.
[01:02:06] only through Jesus.
[01:02:08] No matter how you cut it, your best days, you reach this level on the bar and the bar to get in the kingdom of heaven is up here and you can never get there.
[01:02:17] That's offensive.
[01:02:21] But that's why you have to receive the gospel with meekness to acknowledge God, you saved me.
[01:02:29] You sent your son Jesus and gave me something I couldn't earn and don't deserve.
[01:02:35] That's grace.
[01:02:37] And this is why James points out that in order to receive the gospel, you have to do it with meekness because anger is so contrary to meekness, isn't it?
[01:02:47] Anger says, you didn't live up to my bar.
[01:02:52] That's why we get angry.
[01:02:53] Whether it's to a friend, a spouse, a kid, a parent, or a random celebrity that doesn't even know you exist.
[01:03:01] We're looking at them saying, you didn't live up to my expectations.
[01:03:04] You didn't do what I think you should have done.
[01:03:06] You said something that I didn't like.
[01:03:08] you're down here, I'm here. And it's literally the opposite of meekness. We can't receive the gospel with anger in our heart. Amen. Because at its core says I'm owed something different than what I got. And to receive the gospel, you have to come with a level of meekness that says, I'm inheriting more than I could ever deserve or earn. And so we receive the gospel with meekness.
[01:03:40] James goes on.
[01:03:42] Find a little verse I want us to unpack here.
[01:03:46] He goes on to say in verse 26, just a few verses down, if anyone thinks he is religious and does not bridle his tongue, but look at this, deceives his heart, this person's religion is worthless.
[01:04:01] Let's just leave that up here for a second because there's a few things to unpack.
[01:04:04] He says, first off, anyone who doesn't bridle his tongue, doesn't give his tongue over to the Lord, who doesn't put restraint on his tongue.
[01:04:17] Look it, he's actually poisoning his own heart.
[01:04:21] He's deceiving his own heart.
[01:04:24] Your negativity, your need to get in the last word, your frustration being expressed all the time, what you're actually doing is poisoning your own heart.
[01:04:36] You're building up anger on top of anger in your own heart.
[01:04:40] don't even realize it. He says, look, so not only are you poisoning your own heart, but that person's religion is ultimately worthless. You know, James does this in a few different places. He says, faith without works is what church? Dead, pointless. He says, look, what good is it to believe something and it doesn't change what you do? It doesn't change what comes out of your mouth. He says, look, you believe in Jesus. That's great. Even the demons believe in Jesus and shudder. That means nothing. Great. You believe. Great. You have this idea that you believe in God, that you believe in Jesus. If it doesn't transform what you actually do, if it doesn't cause you to actually give the bridle of your tongue over to God, what's the point of it? He says, it's worthless. This idea of bridle, he comes back to just a few chapters later in James chapter three. He says, for we all stumble in many ways. And if anyone does not stumble in what he says, he's a perfect man. So James is actually giving you a little pass. He's saying, look, yeah, of course you're not going to be perfect. If you become a perfect man, you're able to bridle your whole body. It means you've surrendered your whole body. You're able to practice discipline with your whole body. Church, here's why it matters so much. Maybe you're here and you're going, well, why does it matter, right? Why does it matter what I say on the golf course?
[01:06:10] Why is that a big deal? Why does it matter if I get really frustrated in the car and let that show a little bit as long as I'm not hurting anybody? Why does it matter if I text my friend about what's going on with, you know, my boss? Or if I, you know, am quick to get frustrated and let somebody know about it as long as I'm not causing a bunch of drama and causing a big fight?
[01:06:33] You know, as long as I'm keeping my anger kind of, you know, bottled up just with me in my immediate circle, why does it matter? It's because this very simple thing that James is getting at.
[01:06:45] Who holds the bridle of your tongue? Is it God, or is it the world's standards?
[01:06:52] Is it God's standard for your tongue, or is it your own standard for your tongue?
[01:06:57] He says, what good is it if you believe all these things about God, but you still live by the world's standards? The world still has the bridle. The bridle is that piece that they put in a horse's mouth, and this powerful horse, if you've ever been horseback riding before, you know just this little piece that they put in the horse's mouth allows you to completely control this powerful beast. Who's holding the bridle of your tongue? Who has control? Who gets the final say?
[01:07:29] Is it what the world says is good, or what God says is good? You know, the world will excuse our anger. The world will say, oh no, a little anger is healthy. We like passion. We like when people get into it. Well, Jesus was passionate. I'm not saying he wasn't, but he didn't let anger drive the car. And so who at the end of the day is the king of your life? Who at the end of the day is the king of your mouth? Who at the end of the day is the king of what you do? Your whole body is what he says. Are you willing to actually learn to just put into practice what God teaches us. Be quick to listen, slow to speak, slow to become angry. There might be a season where you feel like, man, you know, it's hard to discipline my tongue. You know, that seems really hard to cut the language on the golf course or to, you know, to speak kinder to my spouse or speak kinder to my boss. You don't understand how many stupid people I encounter every single day. Well, there's a lot of people. But would you start by being faithful in the little things? It matters.
[01:08:51] Be quick to listen, slow to speak, slower to become angry. It reminds me of, if you've ever been horseback riding, my buddy Jonathan Portillo, who's one of the worship leaders here, he was telling me about, he grew up, or his grandpa had a ranch, and they would go horseback riding. And he always thought it was so cool that he would, you know, be able to control this horse with this little bridle, but that his grandpa had some horses who he had been training for years, who he could jump on the back of and he had ridden them with a bridle for years, but now they're unbridled.
[01:09:27] He can just sit on the back of that horse and the horse still listens to him.
[01:09:31] The horse doesn't need to be forced to listen to him.
[01:09:34] The horse just enjoys going on a ride with its master.
[01:09:40] And church, yes, there's a season where disciplining your tongue is hard, where yes, it's gonna feel like I'm just forcing myself to do the thing that's honoring to God and that doesn't come natural.
[01:09:54] But as you put that into practice over time, you know what happens?
[01:09:58] You become more unbridled and your natural tongue begins to line up with God.
[01:10:08] You don't need to sit here and force yourself all the time to deny yourself.
[01:10:14] you naturally begin to just enjoy this idea that God, everything is yours. My tongue is yours.
[01:10:23] The words that come out of my mouth represent you and are for you. Would you take that calling seriously? It's going to be a discipline for sure. But as you grow in it, it becomes just enjoying walking with your father. Let me pray for us today. Father God, thank you so much.
[01:10:48] thank you first and foremost for your son Jesus Christ thank you for sending him to save me God that while I could not save myself you gave me something I could never earn don't deserve you sent your son Jesus Christ to die on the cross for me maybe today you need to receive him for the very first time and call him your Lord and Savior I want to invite you to do that right now just to acknowledge, thank you, Father, for loving me, sending Jesus Christ to die on the cross for my sins. I want to honor you with my life, but I know even my best deeds are never going to be as perfect as you are, are never going to be as perfect as your kingdom is. And so I just come and say, thank you for sending Jesus Christ to die on the cross for my sins. Thank you for saving me. I call Jesus my Lord and my Savior, and I want to follow you. God, we pray over the anger that we can experience.
[01:12:01] First off, thank you for the emotion of anger. Thank you that it's supposed to tip us off when there's injustice. It's supposed to tip us off when we're off track. And so, God, I pray that we would learn to use and discipline our anger so that we would know, yes, get the tip off, but also not be driven by our anger.
[01:12:32] Not let our anger have control over us.
[01:12:37] Lord, I pray that we would as a church learn to live out this very simple thing.
[01:12:44] Be quicker to listen, slower to speak.
[01:12:48] Would you just let the Lord speak to you on this?
[01:12:50] Who in your life do you need to be quicker to listen and slower to speak?
[01:12:54] Would you bring it to him?
[01:12:57] Lord, that's a challenging relationship for me.
[01:12:59] but today I want to commit before you. I'm going to be quicker to listen and slower to speak with that relationship at work, with my boss, with my ex, with my enemy, with my spouse, with my kid, with my parent, with my sibling, with my friends. Lord, we're holding on to some anger.
[01:13:38] it might have been anger that started in a good place that started from a place of something truly needed to be tipped off to us but we've held on to it would you today just acknowledge God I don't want to give anger control show me how to trust in you how to surrender that to you how to just be quicker to listen slower to speak Lord thank you for the grace that you've shown to me I pray that we'd show that same grace to others I pray for our church, in a world where it's so easy to look at the church and feel like it's the same as the rest of the world, quick to anger, quick to need to be right. I pray that as a church, we would be people that model the way Jesus loved, the way Jesus does love, that you were willing to meet people where they are at. Thank you that you're so gentle with me. You're such a loving father to me, that you correct me, even though there are so many times I've done things that I'm sure anger you or disappoint you, that God, you've gently put me back on the path. You've corrected me. And God, I pray that we would have that same grace for others. Thank you for the grace you've poured out on me, not just on the cross, but every day of my life. I pray that we'd have that kind of grace everywhere that we go. That only can happen through the Holy Spirit. I don't have the strength to do that. So Lord, help me have that kind of grace, that kind of forgiveness, the ability to be quick to listen, slow to speak, slow to anger. Thank you, Father. Thank you for loving us.
[01:15:46] We come to you in the name of Jesus. Amen. Hey, if you pray to receive Jesus Christ, can we celebrate that with those making that prayer today? We have a next steps area right out between these doors.
[01:16:01] they've got those multiple tables we also have a prayer team there we haven't been together in three weeks so if you need prayer for anything we're here to pray with you we'd love to get to do that I love you guys I hope you have a great rest of your week be nice at the Super Bowl be nice in the parking lot I love you guys we'll see you guys next week