Soul Health or Self-Help? A Theological Review of ‘How I Found My Soulmate’

[00:00:00] [SPEAKER SPEAKER_01]
[00:00:00] What's going on family? Today you have joined us for a sermon series that I think is gonna revolutionize every relationship that you've ever had. The relationships that you have right now and the relationships you're going to have because God wants to see you win in relationships, but not just in fantasy, thought, or ideal. He wants you to win in real life. So today we're starting a brand new series called Relationship Goals in Real Life.
[00:00:30] And I'm telling you, buckle up, because this one is going to transform your life.
[00:00:35] Get ready to receive what I believe God has for you.
[00:00:40] We are starting a brand new series.
[00:00:43] This is week one of a series we're calling Relationship Goals in Real Life.
[00:00:53] Now, now, now, now, some of y'all are scared because some of y'all lost your last boyfriend after the last Relationship Goals series.
[00:00:59] others of you got into counseling for the first time others of you got a relationship with God I'm promising you as this is my third time doing a relationship series like this this is unlike
[00:01:12] anything I've ever done the Holy Spirit interrupted the flow of what I thought I was going to do during 21 days of prayer I thought I had a plan and this is why you keep going back to God and
[00:01:23] ask him what he wants you to do because sometimes he'll tell you what you need to know to get you past where you are to then change it to what you need to do. Y'all missed it. Sometimes he'd be
[00:01:32] like, yeah, yeah, yeah. We're going to do that. Just so you'd be like, great. I have a plan.
[00:01:36] And then when you get there, he's like, yeah, that's not the plan. This is what I really want you to do. And you have to be open to the spirits moving. And so I wasn't planning to be in this
[00:01:45] series, but the Holy Spirit said right now, I need you to inject my voice into a cultural conversation that they have no wisdom on. Y'all didn't hear what I just said. We are listening to people on podcasts that have not had a successful relationship in a decade. Tell you
[00:02:07] what a man is supposed to be and how females should be. You're lonely, alone. Your likes and followers are the people you get comforted by. We are taking more advice. We are listening to bitter people. And I'm not just talking people with a platform and a podcast, Mike. I'm talking
[00:02:29] to your family, your aunt who thinks all men are bad. Every man you had, you picked. I'm going to go to this other side. The only common denominator is you. I just want to be clear. We are in a
[00:02:49] place where there's an epidemic of passive and soft men. Okay, y'all. Did y'all not want to?
[00:03:00] I thought I was going to get more amens from the ladies on that one.
[00:03:04] Brother won't even approach you, won't talk to you, won't pay for nothing, won't do nothing.
[00:03:08] He's looking for his mommy.
[00:03:11] And we have women who are so I-N-D-E-P.
[00:03:16] You're so independent that as soon as anybody approaches you, you're comparing them to what you've been able to amass.
[00:03:28] And you're a boss.
[00:03:35] Come on.
[00:03:36] But the only person that you're leading is your puppy.
[00:03:43] Let me get into the word, because I don't know if I'm going to have anybody.
[00:03:47] What I'm asking us to do is, for the next six weeks, figure out how to silence the noise of people who didn't create the thing. Nobody talking about relationship created it. They only need it.
[00:04:05] And so, we have to go to the standard, or the Word of God, or the God of the Word, who actually created relationship to be able to find out how to do it.
[00:04:17] We have already seen that just fine doesn't work. We've already seen that money just doesn't do it.
[00:04:24] We've already seen that time served. How are you married after 30 years and then you divorce?
[00:04:32] It's because something was wrong. Watch this from the beginning. And my burden in this series, I feel the presence of God already. It's to help you win in relationships. Watch this, in real life. Not ethereally, not just something that you've dreamed of, not a fairy tale,
[00:04:52] not a movie concept. I want your real relationships to actually be beneficial to your life and everybody's life around. That means, watch this, in this series, we can't start with them.
[00:05:06] we have to start with us oh buckle up I know your booty just got tight right there because because you were gonna blame everybody else who you invited in for what you did not receive but it's not them cuz the only person that you
[00:05:26] can change in the relationship start with me God you want to pray a real prayer start with me God uh-oh when the last time you prayed that start with me God. Husbands. She don't cook. She don't clean. She don't do nothing. She don't even put it down
[00:05:45] like she used to. She don't even start with me, God. I don't affirm. I don't encourage. I don't call out anymore. I don't pursue. I just felt it. It got real quiet right there. So let me bring it
[00:06:03] up. It's Valentine's Day weekend. How many people had a great Valentine's Day? Okay. How many people your Valentine's Day was? Nevermind. I'm not even going to ask that because your wife or husband is sitting right there. Just look straight. This is cool for me and Natalie because Valentine's Day
[00:06:24] is actually kind of important to us because many of you know our story, especially if you've read the book Relationship Goals or you've been around for a while. But me and Natalie met when I was 15
[00:06:33] years old. This was our 25th Valentine's Day celebrating this year. Yeah, 25 years. Now, that means I've been with her for a very long time, but Valentine's Day was special because it, I met her in December and then I asked her to be my girlfriend in January. And the first gift I
[00:06:53] ever got her was on Valentine's day. And so on Valentine's day, I asked my dad to take me to a place called service merchandise. Some of y'all too, y'all don't know nothing about no service
[00:07:04] merchandise, but it used to be on 71st and Memorial. And I asked my dad and they were having a closeout closeout closeout sale and I took a hundred and fifty dollars to service merchandise and I saw a gold heart necklace you remember this dad and
[00:07:19] my dad paid the other hundred and fifty because it was $2.99 and I bought my then first girlfriend ever a diamond but I I would I would uh I would you yeah lose use that time very loosely but I bought her a diamond heart necklace and
[00:07:38] And so, um, this year I was like, man, I got to do something special for Natalie for Valentine's day.
[00:07:42] And it's so crazy that in my real life, um, it's different than, than, than what people may expect.
[00:07:50] Like, like in, in my real life, what my wife wanted was not all the things that people would post on Instagram.
[00:07:58] Like, like, so what I did for my wife, this Valentine's day is I got all the kids out the house.
[00:08:07] Some of the moms are standing up and clapping right now.
[00:08:11] I sent all my kids away. They didn't even come home on Friday. I packed their bags and I sent them away because we've been traveling for the promotion of Relationship Goes the Movie, and my wife is an introvert, so she's been, hi, hi. And her battery is just depleted. She's like,
[00:08:29] I can't meet nobody else. I can't talk to nobody else. She wants to be in her own bed. And I was like, instead of me doing what the image of relationships looks like, let me give you what
[00:08:40] I know you need in real life. And so I got the kids out of the house and then I sent her off for a massage. And while she was off at the massage, I had the room cleaned and we cleaned
[00:08:52] the room. And then I went and got 25 balloons and put 25 pictures attached to it of us throughout the years. And, and, and I went in and I got her white covered strawberries and a charcuterie board
[00:09:05] and I got all the things that she liked and I sent everybody away and it was just me and her in that house in real life. When she came home and said, where's the kids? I said, you don't got to worry
[00:09:18] about them, baby. Melatonin already taken care of. Literally, watch this, watch this. My wife's response was tears. I could have bought her a purse that would have put us in debt, but that's not what she wanted in real life. I could have done a display that would have made everybody
[00:09:55] jealous, but that's not what she wanted in real life. She didn't even know how to articulate what she wanted. I had to have been in relationship with her long enough to know what would fill her
[00:10:09] tank in real life. I want every person… Oh, you want a kid? Look at her. She's just coming on.
[00:10:19] girl. Was it good in real life? I'll be home in real life in just a moment.
[00:10:32] Camera, follow me. Where are you at, camera? Where'd y'all go? They just left.
[00:10:36] I know she's beautiful here. I'm preaching. It's not beautiful in real life. Somebody might miss the frame in real life. Everybody might be able to capture the moment in real life, but the real life love, her coming out the back, her coming up here and kissing me, her being… That's…
[00:11:05] the reason i'm saying this to you is because the facade is wearing you out i see the burden in your life of an image you're trying to keep that doesn't even feel like the beautiful picture you
[00:11:19] posted you are trying to act to your family like everything's okay but we can hear it in the tone of your voice that you are unhappy with the current situation and because we don't have
[00:11:32] entrance into your life like that because you've never invited us in. We act like your lies are good because we see the stress in your body. That 15 pounds you gained since Christmas is not just
[00:11:44] cookies. It's stress. That sickness you have to keep going on, it's something you're holding in your body that you haven't let out in real life. The hurt is turning into things that you have to
[00:12:02] go and get checked in my wrist and my arm. And I don't, why is it? It's because what we all need in real life is not always what we're aiming for. And so today I just want to let everybody know
[00:12:16] we serve an in real life. God, God wants everything he says in his word to actually happen in your real life. Prove it to me. Pastor Mike, the Bible says it in Matthew six, not nine. When we're
[00:12:31] talking about the Lord's Prayer. Recite it with me. Our Father, which art in heaven, hallowed be thy name. Thy kingdom come, thy will be done. Where? On earth. In real life, as it is in heaven. We serve a God that if there's no sickness in heaven,
[00:12:53] he wants it in real life. Y'all don't hear what I'm saying. If there's joy in heaven, He wants it in real. And many of us have been settling for less than because we won't believe
[00:13:08] and do the principles that God puts into his word for us to see it in real life. So we're following people that give us an image of relationship goals or business goals or family goals. But if you cut that thing open and get to see the vulnerability of it, when you see couples
[00:13:27] that you never thought would be apart, getting divorced, when you know family members that it's been dysfunctional for years, when you're literally in an abusive relationship right now, but you don't know how to get out of it because of the pain that it will cause to your children, what
[00:13:42] you're doing is settling for less than God's best. And I want you to have relationship goals.
[00:13:49] Help me say it in real. So the next six weeks, I need you to buckle up because the reason listen to this, that many people are frustrated is because they don't see what they believe
[00:14:03] in real life. You haven't seen the financial breakthrough. You haven't seen the change.
[00:14:10] You haven't seen, you've stopped being as excited about certain things. And God is saying that I'm coming to put silence to the idea that you have to wait for heaven to have a piece of it on earth.
[00:14:23] I'm coming to silence the lie that somehow I need to escape this. He's saying in heaven. I mean on earth as it already is in heaven. God wants you fulfilled in real life. Some of y'all I'm having
[00:14:42] to say it over and over because you've just played this religious church thing and you don't believe he wants you to be financially free in real life. How can you bless on every occasion when you owe
[00:14:52] on every occasion. Either his word is true or it's not. God wants you to be in abundance in real life. When storms come, he wants you to still have peace in. Some of y'all can't even say it
[00:15:08] because there's so much discouragement, but I believe by the end of this sermon series and some of y'all by the end of this sermon, God is going to help you understand and obtain what he is giving
[00:15:18] us the power to have in real life. Give me Bibles, Pastor Mike. Second Peter chapter one, verse three, By his divine power, God has given us everything we need for giving, for living a godly life.
[00:15:35] We have received all of this by coming to know him, the one who called us to himself by means of his marvelous glory and excellence. For the next six weeks, I need us to make the standard
[00:15:48] the word of God. I know you have a lot of relationship advice that you've gotten from family members and people and podcasts. I just want to say one more time, this is going to be
[00:15:58] the standard because if we can't agree on this and maybe you have some other beliefs and some other thoughts, just give me six weeks. Give me six weeks to prove to you that this is the standard
[00:16:09] or the metric we're supposed to do relationships by. And if we can agree on that, I'm going to give you principles that will change your life. And I'm going to be real transparent. I'm going
[00:16:16] to be real hot, humble, open, and transparent with you. If you use these principles and don't know God, they'll still work. Church people don't want to tell you that. They're so good that they will work even if you don't believe in God. The end of the problem is that your eternity will be
[00:16:34] jeopardized. And I want you to meet Jesus and be able to live in a life that actually makes sense in real life. And so many people want to move forward as that is the word of the year in our
[00:16:49] relationships, no matter if it's romantic, business, family, but we don't see it in real life. Matter of fact, I just want to let you know that the Bible tells us that God is a real life
[00:17:01] God, because if he wasn't, he wouldn't have come to earth as a man. Do y'all hear what I'm saying?
[00:17:07] Y'all need Bible. John 1 14. And the word became flesh and made his dwelling among us. He had relationship with us because he wanted to take off God and put it in human form so we would know he
[00:17:22] was the same in real. I just want you to know that God is not doing a bait and switch on you.
[00:17:32] He's not saying, trust me and believe me and come on and stuff. And I'm not going to allow you to see the healing in real life. So now when I read that same passage in the message version, look at
[00:17:42] this. The word became flesh and blood and he moved into the neighborhood. God's trying to come to your neighborhood. Like God's trying to, he's trying to change the hood. You hear what I'm saying? He's trying to change your life and it affect other people around him and affect other
[00:17:59] people around them. He said, if I can show this family coming out of poverty and actually getting their stuff together and actually living in harmony and actually forgiving the people that was dead, that could spread to somebody else that could actually come out of poverty and actually
[00:18:11] start living in truth and actually start serving me. He wants to affect the whole hood through your healing. Did you hear what I just said? He wants to affect your whole neighborhood through your healing. And yet you want God to do it another way. He said, I cannot heal who I need
[00:18:36] to heal around you until you become the poster child of deliverance. Emmanuel, what does that mean? God, he wants relationship. So over this next six weeks, I'm just setting you up today because I'm telling you, if you don't understand what's about to happen to you, you will by the
[00:18:56] end of this. I was on a press tour for Relationship Goes the Movie. And by the way, I want to say thank you for supporting it again. Y'all made it number one. Y'all have been watching it. I love
[00:19:07] you. But the testimonies that are coming in by people watching the movie, getting the book, reading the book in two days, y'all don't hear me. I'm talking real testimony. Finding Jesus in chapter three, asking what must I do to be saved? And this is all happening over a romantic comedy.
[00:19:29] One person asked me straight out. They hadn't heard the book. They hadn't listened to the series. They didn't even barely know who I was. And they said, okay, the new movie relationship goals. What is the goal? And I mean, point blank period. She was like, what is the goal? And the
[00:19:45] Holy spirit, it came out of me. And he said, I want you to share this with everybody you come in contact with from now on, write this down. This is the key to every relationship that you
[00:19:53] will ever have. The goal is healthy relationships. The goal is not relationships. The goal is say the word with me, healthy relations. How many healthy relationships do you have? Somebody say one. No, I want you to, I want you to really evaluate all your friends, all your partners,
[00:20:19] all your romantic interests, all the girls you DM in, all the guys you let in slide through.
[00:20:24] All I want you to, I want you to evaluate how many not relationships, healthy relationships do you have? If you can answer that question, honestly, we may can move to the second part of the revelation. The goal is what healthy relationships. Now watch this healthy relationships
[00:20:53] come from healthy individuals. Now I'm going to ask you a deeper question. Are you healthy?
[00:21:02] I know it's always them. Yeah, I don't have healthy friends. Would they say you're a healthy friend? Would your spouse say that you're healthy? Would your kids? Yeah, I've seen dad mad.
[00:21:24] What does dad do when he's mad? Come to the mic and tell us all. Some of y'all would tackle y'all kid right there you would straight bow like oh my god because the truth of the matter is
[00:21:39] it's the people close to us closest to us to actually know the status of our health the goal is what healthy relationships i'm trying to help you will y'all please enroll into this class and not drop the class because if y'all get all the information let me be your coach let me be
[00:22:02] your teacher this is going to change your life i wish i would have had it 10 years ago the goal for my wife and me is to have a healthy relationship. The goal for my kids and me is to
[00:22:11] have a healthy relationship. The goal for my parents and I is to have a healthy relationship.
[00:22:16] Me and my four brothers, the goal is to have individually healthy relationships with each one of them, with me and Bishop, my pastor emeritus. It is to have a healthy relationship with the man who gave me this church. It is for me to have a healthy relationship with Charles
[00:22:30] and with Melissa and with Will and with every person that has been put into my care. The goal is not just to be connected. It's to be connected right. Have you ever had to jerry-rig something
[00:22:44] together? You know what I'm saying? Have you ever had a door that wouldn't fully close? Some of y'all know what I'm talking about. You had to tie it around something. Have you ever had something
[00:22:56] that was holding on? The reason why you turn it in so many knots is because you can't trust that the connection is stable. Some of our relationships have not been stable because they're not healthy because that's not how it was intended. Miles Monroe says where there is no
[00:23:18] actual vision for a thing, abnormal use or abuse is inevitable. And some of you, may I dare say this with all humility, that some of us have been in wrong connections since we've been born.
[00:23:39] So my question again is, are you a healthy individual? And if you can come to grips with this some of y'all is going to take you five weeks to just answer these first four questions because
[00:23:50] this is going to actually be self-reflective remember it's not for them it's for me the goal is healthy relationships healthy relationships relationships come from healthy individuals watch this oh this is revelation healthy individuals are built through self-awareness and surrender
[00:24:10] you can only be healthy if you are self-aware and you're surrendered to the process to change And some of you right now are disqualifying yourself from being healthy because you're not aware that you're unhealthy. And anybody that tries to tell you, maybe you could do that
[00:24:34] a different way. Or are you sure that's how you want to say that? Or they're saying, that's not nice to say it like that. Or, hey, why do you keep doing this? You cut them off. You're done
[00:24:45] talking to them. Cut off game strong. Y'all know what I'm talking about? It could be a boss. It could be a coworker, be a family member. And the truth of the matter is God, watch this,
[00:24:56] will always put you around people to expose what's not like him in you. I hate this job.
[00:25:07] Go to the next one. There will be somebody there like Travis that gets on your nerves, that you're going to have to figure out how to talk to because the issue is you have a disdain
[00:25:20] for all authority, but you're, you're unaware of it. So you think it's just standing up for yourself, but you don't understand how it's tied to the childhood. When you were violated and you said, I'll never let anybody violate me again. And so anytime anybody gives you anything other
[00:25:37] than what you want, you turn into somebody you don't even recognize, but nobody can even tell you everybody around, you know, it except you. And now, cause some of y'all are different. Y'all are professional acceptors. I know I have a problem. I know I have a problem. No, no, no. I
[00:25:56] know I know I have a problem okay but what are we gonna do with it you're unwilling to change it so some people are too aware without any activity we know you're addicted to alcohol and everybody knows you're addicted to
[00:26:11] alcohol we know you're addicted to praise oh cuz everybody's like alcohols that praise is bad too cuz it will feed your pride and you're addicted to these things that are ruining your relationships why because you're either
[00:26:24] either unaware or unwilling. Oh, y'all don't hear me. Pastor Mike, why is this important? Because the goal is healthy relationships. Y'all got to help me. The goal is healthy relationships.
[00:26:40] Healthy relationships come from healthy individuals. Healthy individuals are built through self-awareness and surrender. Pastor Mike, why is this important? Because self-awareness and surrender are the substance of a healthy soul. If you have self-awareness and you have
[00:27:05] surrender to God, you can actually have, watch this, a healthy soul. Why this didn't make everybody jump and scream is because you don't know how important your soul is. Do you know what your soul even is? Because right now, if I told you that these two things would help you
[00:27:27] have a happy sex life everybody be like you know what i really need to seek the word about what he is telling the man of god if i told you it'd make you a millionaire you'd be like sign me up but if
[00:27:42] i told you that the goal of having healthy relationships all the way down is to have a healthy soul you didn't even like think that was good it's because you don't understand the power of the soul. And this is the breeding ground for every relationship. This is what Jesus came to
[00:28:03] save. He didn't come to save your body. He didn't come to save your reputation. He sent his only son to save your soul. Why? After everything, he didn't come to save our gifts. He didn't come
[00:28:24] to save our talents. He came to save our. And some of us are unaware or unwilling to acknowledge the fact that God wants your soul to be healthy. Can I ask this question? Do you have a healthy
[00:28:46] soul? Pastor Mike, what is a soul? It is your mind, your will, and your emotions. Let's break it down. Is your mind healthy? What are the thoughts that come when you ain't thinking about nothing what are the thoughts you come when you see somebody in a compromising
[00:29:07] position what are the thoughts you come when you see somebody you don't like fail it's gonna be quiet in here today is your mind healthy is your wheel healthy you know you're not supposed to because ain't nobody looking God I know
[00:29:32] you told me to work here but they don't pay enough so I'm gonna work here then I I told you, I know you told me not to date them, but look, fade. It's human. Come on. It's your
[00:29:53] will. What's my birthday? It's my birthday, God. I don't do this like I used to, but yeah.
[00:30:07] The fact that people understand what I'm saying and I'm not saying anything.
[00:30:10] like what is going on is your will healthy can you say like the scripture not my will when's the last time that was a true statement in your life i really want to do this i have the
[00:30:35] ability to do this there is nothing stopping me from doing this and i'm not doing it because i know you don't want me to. Is your will healthy? Mind healthy? Wheel healthy? Is your emotions
[00:30:52] healthy? Or do you manipulate with emotions? Some of you, your tears are the lever to manipulate people to do what they would not do without them. Oh God. There are people that you, well, you know,
[00:31:10] I hate to see you cry, girl. I hate to see you cry. And now your husband has stopped saying what he desires because you know that you can have the trump card by just crying oh y'all don't hear me
[00:31:22] and I'm not saying it's for every situation but my thing is your kids are watching you use tears as a manipulation tactic to get what you want because you're unwilling to change your behavior in an area are your emotions healthy because people are looking for relationship goals but

[00:31:42] [SPEAKER SPEAKER_00]
[00:31:42] they get to end up with you or the other half of the relationship would you date you with all you

[00:31:59] [SPEAKER SPEAKER_01]
[00:31:59] know about you? Would you marry you? You brush your teeth four times a week. You know that they don't. Those are Listerine strips, but your teeth have hair on them. Would you marry you? She got
[00:32:22] to be fit. She got to go to the gym. You carrying a baby? Brother, you're pregnant. Would you? I know nobody talks to you like this in church because we want to wash over our deficiencies saying words
[00:32:41] like destiny and purpose and all of these things and we don't deal with the issue in real i'm gonna have to make this series 20 weeks because this is gone what what i'm saying to you is god thinks
[00:33:02] your soul is more important than anything you remember the scripture that says what does it profit a man to gain the whole world but lose his name lose his money it says what does it profit
[00:33:22] man to gain the whole world, but lose his mind, will, and emotions. He says, I want you to have the goal of being healthy in relationships. Some of y'all don't need a man because you would corrupt
[00:33:40] him. You are so toxic trying to heal from what you had to endure. It's not your fault, but it is now your responsibility and now you are trying to find this perfect man with all of these things
[00:34:06] that's going to deal with your crazy and you won't even deal with your crazy you won't go to therapy for yourself and you want to add somebody else's trauma and somebody else's drama and somebody
[00:34:20] else we're going to work it out together and we're going to just figure it out it's me and you forever boo and I came to tell everybody who wants a relationship goal that the goal should be a
[00:34:34] healthy soul. And this is what I need everybody to hear me say, write this down. The deficit in your soul is showing whether you know it or not. Many of us have a deficit in our soul.
[00:34:47] We have something broken in our mind, will, and emotions. And we think that another person is going to solve what only God can heal. God wants your soul to actually be healthy. So this is where
[00:35:04] 3 John 1-2. Watch this. Beloved, I pray that you may, somebody say prosper, in all things. That means God wants you to prosper in everything. He wants you to prosper in your relationships. He wants you to prosper in finances. He wants you to prosper in ideas. He wants you to prosper in
[00:35:21] generosity. He wants you to prosper in fun. He wants you to prosper in all things. He wants you to prosper in sex. He wants you to prosper. Y'all should have said amen. He wants you. He said,
[00:35:36] he said I want you to prosper in all things and be in is that word in the bible that God wants us to be in hell but look what he compares it to he says prospering and in health just as your soul
[00:36:01] prospers hold on so my soul prospering is actually the metric that he's looking at to copy and paste to everything else in my life. So the level of health prosperity allows God to say, okay,
[00:36:21] then I'll copy that and paste that to their finances. I'll copy and paste that to their relationships. I'll copy and paste that to their family. How much would be in the account if it was only based on your soul health? Your deficit is showing. Some of us are so bankrupt
[00:36:45] in our mind, will and emotions. We're overdrawn. We're maxed out. We have charged all that we can charge. And honestly, many of this, many of these things have happened before we ever came into a
[00:36:58] romantic relationship. And this is why I need everybody to understand this. This verse highlights the connection between spiritual, physical, and emotional wellbeing, internal, internal, spiritual health your soul should set the standard for overall life success so
[00:37:17] when somebody like man how's the business doing the real question is how's your soul because if my soul is good I can have a lot of money or a little money and I'm good the reason why people are so jacked up by what happens and
[00:37:35] what happened is because they have a deficit in there so the reason why I jump from bed to bed to bed to bed is because I'm trying to find somebody to fulfill this deficit that I have on the inside of me. And until, watch this, some of y'all, it's hard for you to think,
[00:37:51] but you are either in denial, which is a river in Egypt, or you're unaware. You're unaware or unwilling. And by the end of this series, I don't want you to be either. I want you to be aware of
[00:38:12] how God wants you to win in relationships, and I want you to be willing to do whatever God wants you to do to become the version of yourself to live in health. Write this down. Soul health
[00:38:23] is more valuable than material wealth. Hear what I just said. Forget the house. Get the heart healing. Some of y'all are spending so much on a mortgage, and that money should be going towards your counseling. You have more square footage to be sat in. I just want you to have more space to
[00:38:50] get away from your partner. You have a pool to be in by yourself with a family that won't want to be there. I just want you to see how backwards we would rather invest in something that looks good
[00:39:05] than something that we can feel in real life. So let me just give you a couple of scriptures because y'all going to have to go study the soul this week because I'm not even going to get to
[00:39:17] half of my message today. But Psalms chapter 19 verse 7, it says the law of the Lord is perfect.
[00:39:22] this is the standard this is what we should be going by this is what brings life to our soul it says the law of the Lord this word is perfect guess what it does it's restores why do you read your Bible so I can remember it more than
[00:39:38] that this restores the reason I don't miss a day of reading a Bible is because my mind will and emotions are affected when I don't get a hit it is y'all don't hear me some of y'all are addicted the other thing you hidden everything else
[00:39:56] hit this okay let me stop I'm trying to stay I'm trying to stay together Psalms 25 12 who is the person that fears the Lord let me tell you the person who honors and represents God this person he will instruct him in the way he should
[00:40:17] choose his soul will dwell in prosperity you want your soul to dwell in in prosperity. He said, follow this. I'll show you how to do relationships. I'll show you how to do business. I'll show you how to raise your kids. I'll show you how to forgive. I'll show you
[00:40:36] how to let go of the past. I'll show you how to be everything that nobody was there to show you how to be. Follow this. Y'all favorite scripture to get tattooed when you get in jail. Psalms 23.
[00:40:52] Here we go. The Lord is my, you know, this one, I shall not. He lets me lie down in green pastures.
[00:41:02] he leads me beside quiet waters why because he restores so why why is God so obsessed with our soul it's because our mind will and our emotions drive everything in our lives oh god and this
[00:41:27] I wanted to title this message how I found my soulmate I know that's that's cute because that's what people are really looking for. They're looking for their soulmate. And the thing about it is, it's crazy that I met Natalie at 15, but I found my soulmate at 25. Cause I'm going to tell
[00:41:56] you something. She's not my soulmate. She's my soul match. The only one that can feel the holes that I have in my soul is the one who created it. And I found my soul mate, which is God.
[00:42:20] When I stopped looking for in other people, what only he could give the reason why your relationships aren't working is because you have a hole in your soul that you have not acknowledged is keeping you from your best life so you go to them to look to fulfill what
[00:42:46] they have no capacity to fill in your life how I found my soulmate everything else wasn't working and today I want to save you the trouble of messing up relationship after relationship after relationship trying to put an
[00:43:06] expectation on them that they can never meet your wife can't fix the fact that your mama didn't see you and most people have relational foundations that are faulty before you ever met them something was jacked up oh come on
[00:43:31] before you ever said dang she finer oh my god I can be with him you already had brokenness that you were either unaware of or unwilling to admit and you come into the relationship trying to hide it from them and let them only see a little
[00:43:51] bit and a little bit and a little bit and a little bit they know you crazy

[00:43:54] [SPEAKER SPEAKER_00]
[00:43:54] they just don't know where it came from and then you start blaming them like it was them I only started acting like this when you came in my life and then when you came in my life

[00:44:04] [SPEAKER SPEAKER_01]
[00:44:04] I ain't never been like this before that's a lie that's a lie we I know I didn't I didn't do all of that that wasn't all me I might have contributed but write this down it's hard to build on what's
[00:44:22] broken I'm just gonna do I'm gonna show you something that I'm gonna have to build next week, but everybody has four foundational relational needs. Could y'all bring it up for me? Just bring me my, my four, every person. I want you to write this down and then I'm gonna
[00:44:36] unpack it next week. Cause this is going to help you be able to actually build healthy relationship.
[00:44:41] What's the goal? Healthy relationship. Say it with me. What's the goal? Healthy relationships.
[00:44:47] Everybody has four foundational needs to build a healthy relationship. Write it down.
[00:44:53] every person needs to be first off seen then everybody needs to be soothed everybody needs to be secured and everybody needs to feel safe no relationship in your life will succeed without this being the foundation when
[00:45:21] me and Natalie were at counseling with with our white auntie named juju that's what I call her she has helped us through all kinds of stuff we about to go see her again next week. And she said, she said, Michael, there are things that are broken
[00:45:33] in you that Natalie has nothing to do with. And there are things broken in her that had nothing to do with you, but y'all are fighting invisible enemies. Your marriage is suffering because you're fighting an invisible enemy that you won't acknowledge is even there. And we romanticize
[00:45:57] the relationships that we wish we had. And there were things that were in there that we just need to be honest and be able to admit, man, I only got seen in my family when I did good. It's only when
[00:46:09] I was on the football field or only when I got good grades or only if I was just being, I was not seen. The truth of the matter is a baby should not have to perform to be seen. Yet while many of
[00:46:27] us are out here performing in job, climbing the corporate ladder, going from place to place. Why?
[00:46:33] I have a hole in my soul. I've never been seen. So the reason why I'm about to act up and turn up and go all out and do this, and you're going to hear me and you're going to...
[00:46:48] Because all my life, I just wanted somebody to see me. I heard somebody say they remember the time in their life where they almost vanished in their family. Well, they are doing so much, We had a catastrophe and there was so much loss and life comes to put us in positions
[00:47:09] in our family structures, in our job structures. They lost the job. My daddy wasn't there. My mom had a hard season and somehow I didn't keep their attention. And so now when this block is missing,
[00:47:25] now I'm going to make every person I come into relationship with see me.
[00:47:29] and if you don't see me i promise you you gonna see me come on some of the attitudes people come with is because it's the watch their survival mechanism to be seen the reason why you're always
[00:47:46] the victim is because you only got tended to when something was wrong oh god i can't even go into this but but i'm saying i need you to evaluate where in your life did you miss the foundation
[00:48:01] of all relationships being seen it's so beautiful because Jesus gives us a picture with his relationship with God that y'all remember before he ever did any miracles before he went into the wilderness before anything he got baptized by his cousin John and y'all remember after he got
[00:48:19] baptized what happened the the the sky broke open and God in front of everybody said there he is that's my boy I see him and I am well he didn't do anything to be affirmed some
[00:48:45] of you are raising kids right now and you don't see them until they mess up or do something exceptional and what you're doing is you're training them that this is how you get what you need you're a good boy you're a good boy because you
[00:48:58] listen. He's a good boy because he's yours. That's a good girl because she exists. I see we're about to be in therapy for the next. I just want to say if you have not been seen, what you've probably
[00:49:19] been feeling is the opposite, which is ignored. At your job, you feel ignored. Around your family, you feel ignored. Or maybe even worse. This one is worse. It seemed better, but it's worse.
[00:49:34] tolerated. Y'all, he said, boy, that hurt right there. Have you ever been in a relationship where you know they don't really see you, but they tolerate you? Like, I don't really want you here.
[00:49:49] It don't really matter if you come, but since you're here, if this is broken, you can't build healthy relationships. The next one, some of you have never been soothed. Let me give you another word that may help you understand this. You've never been truly cared for, especially fellas,
[00:50:14] get up you're a man you're the man of this house so your daddy's gone come on man I need your help hey we ain't got time for all them tears we don't got hey suck it up and now he's 35 and the woman
[00:50:37] he went want him to open up but his whole life he's been told to suck it up now you want him to be vulnerable and open up and he's traumatized because when he was really hurt he could never
[00:50:52] get cared for oh god the reason why your relationships aren't working is because you you did not get soothed you might have had a mom that was so tied up in just survival it's not always bad why it happened it doesn't take away the fact that it happened
[00:51:17] your mom for some reason had nine kids multiply but nine golly but i'm what i'm what i'm trying to say just in sheer number of overpowered mouths somebody got forgot and what happens is when
[00:51:47] you're not soothed by the right place you find a place to self-soothe some of those tv shows some of those ideas some of those things that you were introduced to they were legitimate because you
[00:52:01] needed something but they were illegitimate because of where you got it from so this is why watch the man can be married to you and still cheat on you oh god because the truth of the
[00:52:17] matter is you don't hear him no more he can't come to you and say baby i had a bad day well i have had a bad six years and he was like i was just trying to and the reason he starts growing
[00:52:33] affection for the woman at the job or the woman at the gym is because she'll just oh my god you

[00:52:38] [SPEAKER SPEAKER_00]
[00:52:38] you had a bad day. I'm sorry. Can I give you a hug? And that hug starts standing up straighter.

[00:52:58] [SPEAKER SPEAKER_01]
[00:52:58] Hey girls, good to see you again. Cause that's the only place he's getting.
[00:53:06] I'm just, I know this is heavy. I know this is heavy, but I'm trying to help you.
[00:53:11] And if you're not seen or soothed, there's no way you can be secure. This talks about how you're attached and people's dependability. The reason why some of y'all got so many backup plans is nobody has ever been stable in your life. Your mom wasn't stable. Your dad wasn't stable. Your
[00:53:36] coach wasn't stable. Your brothers and sisters wasn't stable. The cousin you love the most, they molested you. And to this day, nobody even knows. I can feel the pain. We can see why you won't even let your children go nowhere. It's because you're trying to protect them from
[00:53:53] something you've never even told anybody. So you don't feel secure even with the person who loves you the most. I love you, but I don't trust that you're not going to leave me. So a lot of people
[00:54:08] who don't feel secure, watch what they do. They self-sabotage. I'm going to hurt you before you hurt me. I'm going to leave you before you leave me. I'm going to keep myself. And I got that extra
[00:54:19] account that you don't know about because I got to secure myself. I know you said you love me, but I love me more. And ain't nobody in my whole life ever kept me secure. So I'm going to protect
[00:54:29] myself. And he was like, I want vulnerability. I want honesty. I want to connect. I want intimacy that cannot be built. If somebody doesn't feel secure, the reason why the relationships aren't working is because people, when they are not seen, soothed, secure, they don't feel safe.
[00:54:53] So you can keep going after the baddie and you can keep going from bed to bed and you can keep saying you don't need God in your relationship, but he's the only one that can see you, care for you,
[00:55:15] secure you, and keep you safe no matter what anybody else does. Hear what I'm saying to you.
[00:55:26] I know it's a lot to process right now, and I know your soul is probably going crazy. Hold on, ain't nobody talk to me like this in my mind, will, and emotion, because your soul needs to be
[00:55:36] safe. Your soul needs to be secure. Your soul has to be cared for and your soul has to be seen.
[00:55:47] And that's why next week, I'm going to give you a whole bunch of scriptures and I'm going to walk you through this because I'm going to teach you how to build your life, build your relationships,
[00:55:55] build your family based on the principles of all relationship. But this is what I need you to know.
[00:56:01] God does all of this without you doing anything. Oh God, I wish I had time to be able to take you through how God says, you need to be soothed. Come to me. It's like a kid riding a bike and
[00:56:20] they fall down. And then the mom or the dad runs to him and says, Hey, Hey, come here. Come here.
[00:56:25] Come here. Come here. Come here. Come here. You're okay. You're okay. You're okay. You're okay. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. I know it hurts, but you're going to be okay. Where is it?
[00:56:35] Kissing ain't never physiologically taken away to pain, but it does do something for your soul.
[00:56:46] Y'all got to hear what I'm saying. It does do something when somebody is able to empathize and get down with you and know what you've dealt with and be able to sit there and touch it and
[00:56:58] hold you and say, it's going to be okay. I know you're hurting right now, but you got to get back on the bike. We got to try again. Come on, let's do this. I'll stand right here. The reason why
[00:57:09] some of y'all can't step out in faith is because when you tried before, there was nobody there to soothe you. So you say, well, I guess this is how you get hurt. I guess trusting God is how you
[00:57:25] get hurt. And what ends up happening is we try to build a life on top of this and it never works.
[00:57:35] I got nine more boxes back there that I can't bring out. No, I can't bring them out today because you ain't handle these. You need a week to digest because some people only have one.
[00:58:02] how much can you build off of that I protect myself I bet you you won't get in I bet you no man will hurt me again I bet no one will ever take advantage of me again where does that rage
[00:58:23] and that anger come from I got to protect myself they didn't protect me I'm gonna protect me and I'm gonna even protect myself from the ones I love this is no way to build relationships in
[00:58:41] real. So today, as we end this first installment of course one, I just came to ask you where in your life do you need God to heal, to put the relational building blocks back together in your
[00:59:05] life? You need God to see you because before you were formed in your mother's womb, he knew you.
[00:59:17] You need, you need God to protect you. He said, those who come to me, they find safety under the shadow of my wings. You need God to secure you. He's the same today, yesterday, and forever. All I'm asking you to do is rightly align your relationships. Watch this,
[00:59:41] write this last point down because you're not just looking for someone sexy. You're looking for a solution for your soul condition. That's what relationships about. Now we look good in pictures. I need somebody to help me heal what I'm going through. Listen, because relationships
[01:00:01] are silently killed by the unrealistic expectations of the soul. You are putting your relationship health on somebody who has no ability to heal you. So they will continue to fail no matter how good the sex is. They will continue to fail no matter how many partners you have.
[01:00:27] they will continue to fail and now people got this weird idea that you need multiple wives and multiple husbands guess what they're trying to do they're trying to get somebody to feel the hole in their soul and now you just confusing
[01:00:41] it because it's not the way he asked for us to do it I'm gonna take the silence as a indication that it's sitting in your soul over the next seven weeks we're about to build relationships that are healthy in real life standing all over this place
[01:01:04] i'm gonna start here tomorrow to next week i said tomorrow come back tomorrow that's how bad i want to get this to you because i believe this can change everything but we're gonna start here
[01:01:23] everybody listen god is your only soulmate i know that's something cultural and it could be semantics, but I'm trying to get you to think deeper about it. The only person who can actually meet the need of your soul is God. Once you find him as your soulmate, you are now looking for your
[01:01:47] soul match. Natalie is my soul match. She makes me better in areas I didn't want to be better.
[01:01:56] Y'all got what I'm saying? She's not just what I wanted. She's what I needed. But there's also things that she will never be able to do if I don't let God be my soulmate. Stop trying to put
[01:02:10] your soul match where the soulmate goes. Does everybody hear me? Lift your hands all over this building. Father, in the name of Jesus, I thank you that your word is sharper than any two-edged sword. It even separates the bone and the marrow penetrating to the soul. So today, God, I'm asking
[01:02:36] you, would you do soul work on us? Would you heal my soul, heal my mind, heal my will, heal my emotions, and God, build a foundation that generations will be able to stand on because
[01:02:52] I do the hard work here. Today, I pray for every marriage, every person waiting, every single person that's satisfied, every person who has been, Father God, divorced or widowed or trying to figure out what their next season looks like, God, I'm asking that you would settle our souls,
[01:03:15] restore our souls, replenish our souls, because you came to seek and to save the souls that are lost. Today, we take the unrealistic expectation off of anybody that is not you, and we put our hope, our faith, and our life in you, because you've given us everything we need
[01:03:45] to live a life that is godly and that pleases you.
[01:03:51] So do the surgery on the inside, God.
[01:03:56] Today, if you're under the sound of my voice and you've never met your soulmate, today I want to introduce you to Jesus.
[01:04:07] He's the only one that can fulfill and fill the deficit that you feel.
[01:04:12] Alcohol won't do it.
[01:04:14] Guys won't do it.
[01:04:15] Drugs won't do it.
[01:04:17] Money won't do it.
[01:04:19] We have too many examples of people who got all of that and still felt empty.
[01:04:25] Today, I want to meet you with the Bible calls the lover of your soul.
[01:04:33] He's the one that will love your mind into healing and health.
[01:04:38] Love your will.
[01:04:40] And matter of fact, he love you.
[01:04:41] The Bible says while you were yet sinners, he gave up his most precious son to take your place in my place so that you could spend eternity in relationship with him.
[01:04:56] The whole thing about God is he wants to be your relationship goal.
[01:05:01] That's the whole thing.
[01:05:04] Every sacrifice, every move, defeating death, hell in the grave.
[01:05:07] It was so that you and him could have relationship.
[01:05:12] He knew that he was your only soulmate.
[01:05:17] So today, if you need to be seen, safe, secure, soothed, come to me.
[01:05:25] All who are weary and heavy burden.
[01:05:29] And guess what he'll give you?
[01:05:30] rest for your soul. He took me from being a liar, a manipulator, addicted to pornography, looking to images and people to fill up what only he could. And when I invited him in, he changed me from the inside out. I'm not a perfect man, but I'm a progressing man.
[01:05:48] He can speak to me and I don't need anybody else to have relationship with my soulmate.
[01:05:55] Today, I want to give you that opportunity on a count of three. If you're in this room or you're watching online, you're watching on rebroadcast, you're watching from a jail cell, today your soulmate wants to enter into a relationship with you. His name is Jesus. One, you're making the
[01:06:13] greatest decision of your life. Church, I need you to pray because somebody's life is in the balance right now. Two, your name is going to be written in the Lamb's book of life and your eternity is
[01:06:23] about to be transformed. If you want to accept Jesus, three, lift your hand up in this room or online. I see hands going up everywhere. Transformation Church. Can we thank God? I see you. I see you. I see you sister. I see you brother. Glory to God. Glory to God. And if I
[01:06:38] don't see you, God sees you. And today for the benefit, I feel the presence of God. Heaven is throwing a party over one person that gives their life to Christ. And today I want to, I want this
[01:06:50] church who is a family. Nobody prays alone. Would you lift your hands and just say this prayer with me. Say, God, thank you for being my soulmate. Thank you for sending Jesus just for me. Today,
[01:07:06] I repent and I turn to you. I believe you lived, you died, and you rose again with all power so I could be free. Here's my life. Change me. Renew me. Transform me. I'm yours forever.
[01:07:26] in Jesus name transformation church can we celebrate oh y'all come on that should be the loudest roar of the day hey listen if you made that decision for Jesus I want you to text save
[01:07:43] to 828282 and our team wants to send you some information and we want to walk with you everybody please please please please hear me the next seven weeks up to Easter is so important for every
[01:07:57] relationship you will ever have. Share this with your family. I'm going to say stuff that you want to say and you can't say. Did you hear what I just said? I'm going to say the stuff that y'all need
[01:08:08] to talk about, but it's hard to bring up. I'm going to talk about the things that literally are going to revolutionize the way you approach your wife, your husband, your kids, everything.
[01:08:17] But you got to check in when revelation and wisdom is pouring out and your ears are closed that you will not be able to see the impact of what it could be. So I'm asking every person
[01:08:27] lock in watch this message again because some of y'all were shocked after the first point I saw you stunned the whole time you were stuck I need this to get in your spirit and allow watch
[01:08:38] this allow yourself to sit and say holy spirit what are you trying to speak to me through this message because I made points but he was making points too there was things he wants to highlight
[01:08:49] in your life today church we're going to move forward somebody say forward in every one of our relationships together, but we're going to win in relationship goals in real life.
[01:09:03] God wants to be your soul mate. He's the only one that can fill every deficit, every hole, every space that no other person will. And I can't find my relationship goals with them until I get my relationship right with him. I'm so proud of every person that have made Jesus
[01:09:23] christ their personal lord and savior and if you want relationship you can do that too by just inviting him in and please let us know you can text save to 828282 and i'm telling you do not
[01:09:36] miss one week of this series matter of fact you need to go get relationship goals the book you need to read that if you need some entertainment you need to go watch relationship goals the movie
[01:09:44] then you need to go back and watch relationship goals reloaded on youtube because there's some other stuff there and then meet me back here and watch this message two more times before sunday and then get ready for part two of relationship goals in real life. Three things I'm going to
[01:09:58] ask you to do. Number one, if this has helped you in any way, Transformation Nation, would you share it? Would you actually let other people know about the transformation that is taking place in you?
[01:10:09] Because transformation begins with invitation. Number two, if you're ever in the Tulsa, Oklahoma area or close, come to church, man. We would love to meet you in person and see you and be able to
[01:10:21] literally, excitedly welcome you into a place that God has built for people from all over the world to come and be transformed. And number three, if this ministry has blessed you in any way, would you pray about giving? And whatever God tells you to give, give that because it's helping
[01:10:38] us go into the prisons, helping us go into the mission field, helping us to bring excellence to the kingdom in brand new ways. And we're just so excited about people meeting God and being transformed in Christ until next week y'all go out and live a transformed life peace