The Danger of the ‘Do-Over’: Why Ritual Cannot Replace Grace

• Sermon on the Mount Context 00:03:19 ▶️ 📄
  > The pastor explains that Jesus sat down to teach his disciples as a leader, not just the multitudes, indicating a deep, internal focus on who they are becoming.
• Internal vs. External Righteousness 00:04:51 ▶️ 📄
  > Jesus contrasts the external law of Moses with the internal state of the heart, stating he is talking about 'who you are inside' rather than just actions.
• Reconciliation Before Worship 00:07:29 ▶️ 📄
  > Jesus instructs that if one has a conflict with a brother, they must leave their gift at the altar and be reconciled first, prioritizing relationships over religious performance.
• Church and State Involvement 00:11:11 ▶️ 📄
  > The pastor argues that Jesus was involved in political and religious issues, and therefore the church should be involved in government to influence policy on moral issues like marriage and abortion.
• Anger and Character Assassination 00:14:15 ▶️ 📄
  > Jesus raises the standard from murder to anger, explaining that calling someone 'Raka' (worthless) is a form of character assassination that places oneself above others and dismisses their humanity.
• Gossip as Murder 00:17:10 ▶️ 📄
  > The pastor defines gossip and tearing others down with words as a form of murder, where the image of God in the other person becomes invisible.
• The Nature of Anger and Contempt 00:17:10 ▶️ 📄
  > The pastor distinguishes between righteous anger (which seeks restoration) and sinful anger/contempt (which seeks humiliation and creates moral superiority), defining contempt as a dangerous internal state that dehumanizes others.
• The [Matthew 18](https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Matthew+18&version=KJV) Conflict Resolution Process 00:23:04 ▶️ 📄
  > The pastor outlines the four steps Jesus gave for handling conflict: 1) Go directly to the person alone, 2) Take one or two witnesses for clarity, 3) Bring it to spiritual leadership, and 4) Disconnect if there is ongoing refusal to repent.
• Psychological Motivations for Assigning Motives 00:30:56 ▶️ 📄
  > The pastor explains why people assign motives when angry: to fill in blanks (feeling powerful), to protect from vulnerability (anger as disguised grief), and to justify bitterness (creating emotional distance).
• The Danger of Self-Judgment 00:35:15 ▶️ 📄
  > The pastor warns that when we judge others as evil to justify our own unforgiveness, we become the judge, jury, and executioner, which is not our role.
• Unresolved Anger and Contempt 00:42:20 ▶️ 📄
  > The pastor explains that unresolved anger takes up residence, turning into bitterness and then contempt, which costs the person carrying it.
• The Sermon on the Mount 00:42:25 ▶️ 📄
  > The pastor identifies the Sermon on the Mount as being intended for 'kingdom-minded people' who cannot live in a state of internal contempt.
• Relationship with God and Others 00:43:18 ▶️ 📄
  > The pastor asserts that one's relationship with God is directly connected to how they handle relationships with people, warning against building walls.
• Worship vs. Heart Condition 00:43:48 ▶️ 📄
  > The pastor argues that external acts of worship (singing, tithing) are ineffective if the heart still harbors 'murder in seed form' (unresolved anger/contempt).
• Anger as a Secondary Emotion 00:45:29 ▶️ 📄
  > The pastor defines anger not as a primary emotion but as a secondary one used to feel powerful and protected when admitting hurt.
• Cultivated Resentment 00:46:36 ▶️ 📄
  > The pastor distinguishes between momentary irritation and 'cultivated resentment,' describing it as a stored offense that causes frustration when thinking of the person.
• Re-engagement with the Savior 00:49:40 ▶️ 📄
  > The pastor invites the congregation to re-engage with the Savior of the world and seek a fresh start.
• Personal Confession and Surrender 00:50:36 ▶️ 📄
  > The pastor leads the congregation in a corporate prayer to release anger, bitterness, and frustration, and to accept the sacrifice of Christ.

• Sermon Illustration 00:10:35 ▶️ 📄
  > The pastor uses the analogy of the Pharisees being a combination of Congress and the Supreme Court to explain their role in writing policy and interpreting law, contrasting this with the modern misconception that Jesus was not involved in politics.
• Sermon Illustration 00:11:43 ▶️ 📄
  > The pastor references Thomas Jefferson's concept of 'separation of church and state' to argue that it meant the government should not run the church, not that the church should not be involved in government.
• Sermon Illustration 00:25:33 ▶️ 📄
  > The pastor shares a personal anecdote about his husband shutting him down when she tries to complain about someone else, asking 'when you went to them, what did they say?' to illustrate the biblical command to go directly to the person rather than venting to friends or spouses.
• Sermon Illustration 00:21:51 ▶️ 📄
  > The pastor uses the analogy of 'iron sharpening iron' to describe healthy conflict, noting that while sparks may fly and it may be messy, it is necessary for growth and intimacy.
• Sermon Illustration 00:38:11 ▶️ 📄
  > The pastor recounts a personal story of mediating between two angry women who had skipped a step in conflict resolution. By forcing them to identify the root wound (an old boss and a mother), they realized their anger was displaced, leading to tears and mutual forgiveness.
• Sermon Illustration 00:43:29 ▶️ 📄
  > The pastor uses the analogy of a gate versus a wall, explaining that a gate allows good in while closing out bad, whereas a wall keeps everything out, which God does not want.
• Sermon Illustration 00:44:45 ▶️ 📄
  > The pastor references the biblical proverb about grabbing the ears of a dog to illustrate the danger of engaging in someone else's disagreement, warning that it leads to being 'bitten.'

• Pastoral Charge 00:12:26 ▶️ 📄
  > Engage in local government and policy-making processes.
• Pastoral Charge 00:19:09 ▶️ 📄
  > To actively speak up against the redefinition of sin and morality in the world and church, and to attack sin.
• Pastoral Charge 00:25:30 ▶️ 📄
  > To go directly to the person who sinned against them, alone, without involving friends, family, or social media.
• Pastoral Charge 00:30:15 ▶️ 📄
  > To examine their own hearts and pay attention to the internal effects of their anger.
• Pastoral Charge 00:47:17 ▶️ 📄
  > The congregation is instructed to silently say the name of the person they hold anger towards and verbally declare 'I release you' to let go of that anger.
• Pastoral Charge 00:48:27 ▶️ 📄
  > The congregation is instructed to take a deep exhale to physically and symbolically release the burden of stored offense.
• Pastoral Charge 00:49:25 ▶️ 📄
  > The congregation is instructed to place their hand over their heart, verbally affirm their need for a fresh start, and then collectively pray aloud to Heavenly Father, asking for the release of anger, bitterness, and frustration, and accepting the sacrifice of Jesus.
• Pastoral Charge 00:49:40 ▶️ 📄
  > Place hand over heart and verbally declare a need for a fresh start and do-over.
• Pastoral Charge 00:50:46 ▶️ 📄
  > Speak a prayer of surrender and acceptance of Christ's sacrifice aloud.

[00:00:49] [SPEAKER SPEAKER_00]
[00:00:49] The church today, I am so glad you are here, everyone in the room. And I have to give a shout out to everyone that is watching online today. When we say that the church is not just the four walls, we really truly mean it. We have Pennsylvania, North Carolina, South Carolina, Connecticut, Florida, Montana, Georgia, Ohio, Tennessee, Virginia, Canada, oh Canada. We have Ireland, Sweden,
[00:01:19] and Japan. Y'all give it up for them. How cool is it that we, I love digital missions. I love the fact that people sow and give and literally the church gets to go throughout the world by the
[00:01:37] press of a button. Boy, has missions changed throughout the years. Incredible. Incredible.
[00:01:44] Well, you saw earlier, my name is Penny Maxwell. My husband, Troy and I are the senior pastors here.
[00:01:51] He is actually at our Ballantyne campus today speaking.
[00:01:56] Pastor Michael is at Lake Norman.
[00:01:58] Pastor Olin is at South End.
[00:02:00] And let me just give you like a little update on Ballantyne.
[00:02:03] It's so cool.
[00:02:04] I was looking at all of the sheets, all the numbers that come in from the campuses.
[00:02:09] And just, I was looking at the kids area and all the kids getting checked in.
[00:02:14] And I was like, wait a second, 42 new families?
[00:02:18] 42 new families that was just week two and then week three I was like 21 new goodness gracious and I'm looking at all the kids and I'm looking and I thought I was looking initially when I was
[00:02:37] looking at all the numbers I thought I was looking at Lake Norman it already like instantly was like Lake Norman it's incredible guys watching what God is doing so I want to say say thank you for your generosity thank you for sowing because our city needs the love of Jesus
[00:02:57] and I'm literally watching all of these new families come in and get saved and their lives changed and children accepting the Lord and it's just been beautiful so thank you church for being the church it's been phenomenal this summer we are kicking off a series that will last the whole
[00:03:19] summer, and it's called Summer on the Mount. And it is honestly about the greatest sermon, the greatest message that has ever been taught in history on the face of this planet. And it's Jesus, he is sitting down with his disciples. And many people initially, when you don't understand the
[00:03:40] context, you think Jesus is just preaching to the multitudes and he's not. The multitudes happen to be listening in. They're listening in on a leadership message where he's, and what's so interesting is the Bible is very, very specific. When it says that Jesus sat down, he actually
[00:03:58] is taking the seat as a teacher, as one who is coming to pour into and sow into their lives.
[00:04:05] So it was a, uh, it was a position that people understood, man, when you take a seat like he did, he's actually declaring himself as the teacher, as the leader, and he's pouring into his disciples
[00:04:20] as the Messiah. So his teachings are not small when he does the Sermon on the Mount, the Beatitudes.
[00:04:28] His teaching is deep because he's talking to his leaders. He's talking to his disciples, and he wants them to live a different way. You see, they are used to understanding the law of Moses, but Jesus is upping the ante. He's saying, listen, I'm not just talking about what you do.
[00:04:51] I'm talking about who you are inside. I'm talking about who you're becoming, not just what we can see with your hands. I want to talk about what's on the inside.
[00:05:03] So Jesus is not giving this evangelistic message that is just like raw, raw, raw and gets the crowd roaring. He's actually going down to the meat. He's talking to kingdom people. He's not telling you how to get into heaven. He's telling you how to be a citizen of the kingdom of God's
[00:05:24] life here on earth. He's telling us how to go deep. And so each week you're going to be hearing, we're going to pull up, we're going to sit on the grass on the hillside, and we're going to hear
[00:05:37] Jesus Teach, and all of us that are on the teaching team, we have a portion of the Sermon on the Mount that we are teaching, and I am going to be sharing with you from chapter
[00:05:48] 5 of Matthew, verses 21 through 24. That is the segment, and it's so rich that literally all summer long, there is so much wisdom and gold that we are going to pull from Jesus' is teaching. So let's start off today. It says, you have heard, and this is Jesus, you have heard
[00:06:09] it said that those of old, you shall not murder and whoever murders will be in danger of judgment.
[00:06:15] But I say to you, he's up in the ante here, but I say to you that whoever is angry with his brother without a cause shall be in danger of the judgment. Holy cow. I'm pulling my feet back as a disciple
[00:06:34] because I may have been angry with somebody. I mean, we're in close proximity and sometimes you're going to have disagreements. Sometimes things are going to make you mad. And like, what is Jesus about to touch on here? He's about to like, get on up in a business.
[00:06:52] And he said, whoever says to his brother, Raka, which I will explain that in a minute, shall be in danger of the council. But whoever says you fool shall be in danger of hell fire.
[00:07:10] Jesus, man, I thought you were just a sweet little nice guy. That's how a lot of churches paint you to be like you're kind of ruffling some feathers right now. Therefore, Jesus says, if you bring your gift to the altar and there, remember that your brother has something against
[00:07:29] you, leave your gift. He's saying, this isn't about performance. Leave your gift there and go before the altar, go your way. First, be reconciled to your brother and then come and offer your gift.
[00:07:50] I think when we first glance at this, we can go, well, shoo, I haven't murdered anybody.
[00:07:58] I'm doing pretty good. I get a pass on this one. I feel like I'm feeling pretty good about myself right about now. And we know Jesus is speaking to the disciples, which they were the primary
[00:08:12] audience. And they came close in, the Bible says, and they sat at his feet. They sat around him.
[00:08:19] And then we know that the crowd was listening in on this meeting. They were listening in on a leadership meeting that wasn't primarily for them, but they're within earshot. And Jesus says something that he repeatedly says throughout the Sermon on the Mount. He says, you have heard it
[00:08:43] said, but I say to you, he says that over and over again. And what he's doing is he's addressing people who thought that righteousness was primarily external. And what Jesus is saying is he's saying,
[00:08:58] stop the religious activity and deal with your broken relationships first. You've got broken relationships and great. You, you come and you, you give your gift and you serve in God's house or you give financially, or you can sing beautifully. You can play that instrument for
[00:09:19] the Lord. Great. But why don't you leave that? And why don't you go fix what's wrong between you and your brother first. Ouch. You see, Jesus is not talking about fruit, the external stuff.
[00:09:34] He's like, I'm going down to the root. I'm going to the things that you can't see. I am not talking about your actions that are external. I am talking about the heart. I'm talking about what's internal.
[00:09:48] You see, Moses brought the law down the mountain on tablets, but Jesus goes up the mountain and focuses on the heart, things that we can hide. Jesus is not changing the standard of the law.
[00:10:09] He's not changing what Moses had said. He's actually revealing the depth of it.
[00:10:17] you see the pharisees a lot of times when people think about the pharisees they just think about the fact that they were religious rulers but that's not all there is to it the pharisees weren't just the religious rulers of the day they also think of it like a combination of congress
[00:10:35] and the supreme court the supreme court is the ultimate in our land that takes what the law says and they interpret it. But then you have Congress that actually writes policy and enacts laws.
[00:10:52] And that is what the Pharisees did. There is a religious component and there was also a governmental component. And it kind of cracks me up when people talk about how Jesus was never involved in culture. He was never involved in politics. And I'm like, you must not understand
[00:11:11] the Bible because he dealt with political and religious leaders all the time. That is why here at this church, you will hear us where we are injecting and inserting ourselves into what the government is doing. And what happened is our forefathers that came here to this country when
[00:11:35] they left England, they did not want the government telling them how to worship.
[00:11:43] And so here, when Thomas Jefferson said separation of church and state, he was not saying that the church should not be involved in government. He was saying the government should not be running the church. Do you understand? We absolutely, as the church, should be involved in the government.
[00:12:05] Why? Because where we are right now is what happens when the church is not involved.
[00:12:13] We make it legal for two men to get married and we redefine God's definition of marriage.
[00:12:21] That is not necessarily political. That was moral that they decided to make policy.
[00:12:26] we make it legal for women to terminate a baby because it's inconvenient please christians please for the love of all things holy please get involved in what is happening whether it's your city council whether it's the school committees or boards get involved we need
[00:12:52] righteousness involved in policy because policy affects people and people matter to God.
[00:13:02] They matter. So just because the devil has tried to sell us this lie that we shouldn't be involved because, you know, don't talk about politics or religion. I love talking about both of them because they both affect people and they both matter.
[00:13:24] And here's the thing, when we say, oh, oh, just talk about Jesus, just talk about Jesus.
[00:13:29] Well, let me just tell you, Jesus is the one that defined marriage.
[00:13:35] Jesus said that kids matter.
[00:13:37] He said, let them come to me.
[00:13:40] He cared.
[00:13:42] So let's not think, let's not believe a lie that has been sold to us that tells us to back up because the enemy wants to take control and it matters and it's important and we must speak up. Jesus did. And he confronted it all. And now he's going deep with his disciples
[00:14:04] and he's saying, listen, people say, oh, I haven't murdered. But Jesus is saying, you might not have murdered with your hands, but you have held hate in your heart.
[00:14:15] and I'm upping the ante. I'm letting you know that it's not good some of the things that you're holding inside and you think that people don't know. And he's talking about that term. He says
[00:14:30] raka. Raka is an Aramaic insult and it meant worthless, good for nothing. He's saying some of you treat other Christians like that. When you get angry, you say they're good for nothing.
[00:14:49] You get mad. And Jesus is saying, listen, he's not trying to give a vocabulary lesson to the crowd or to his disciples. They knew, but he's saying, listen, when you call somebody that, what you are doing is you're saying they're beyond redemption. And what you do is you kind
[00:15:13] to place yourself a little bit above them. And it's character assassination. And it's not, hey, I don't like the decision you made. That was a poor decision. Now you go into assassinating someone's character. And it wasn't just, hey, what you did was wrong. It's saying to me,
[00:15:33] I deem you worthless. And that's a massive shift. You're beneath me. I don't want anything to do with you. And you know what happens? If I could tell myself you're evil, I no longer have to
[00:15:48] acknowledge your humanity. I can write you off in my heart. I no longer have to deal with my own hurt.
[00:15:56] I can just dismiss you and I can shut you out. And this is a counterfeit form of protection.
[00:16:05] Many of us learned really early on. It's an attachment style that we learned early on.
[00:16:11] I'll just shut you out. I'll just think things about you in my head. And then I don't have to engage with you. I can just put you in this category and dismiss you. And what Jesus is saying
[00:16:28] is they may have done something wrong to you, but now you are in sin and you are in danger of hellfire. My gosh, that steps on my toes. And listen, we do it as a form of self-preservation,
[00:16:45] but Jesus is saying, that's not okay. It is not okay for you to be holding those sorts of things in your heart against other believers, even if you think they've done you wrong.
[00:17:04] Man, you see, murder does not always begin with a physical weapon.
[00:17:10] You can murder somebody with the weapon of your tongue.
[00:17:16] We say, well, I haven't done this.
[00:17:18] I didn't do that.
[00:17:19] When we gossip, we are murdering somebody and tearing somebody else down with our mouth.
[00:17:27] When we talk bad about other people, when we get angry, what do we do with it?
[00:17:33] What do we do when we get angry?
[00:17:35] because murder in its earliest form is anger that is uncontrolled. And when you tear down someone with your mouth, the image of God in them becomes invisible to you. And that is a hard thing. When
[00:17:53] we start building things up in our heart and we dismiss them, raka, Jesus is saying, you better to be careful because your anger moves from what someone did to now who you are defining them as,
[00:18:10] who you are determining they are. Jesus said, wow, that's very dangerous. Usually it's an attempt to self-preserve, but it's a very misguided one. You see, we love investigating others' motives before we investigate our heart. And Jesus is shining a flashlight on that because we convince
[00:18:35] ourselves that they are so bad that we justify our distance and we justify our stance. And Paul says this in Ephesians 4, 26. He says, be angry and do not sin. Do not let the sun go down on
[00:18:55] your wrath. Well, he's quoting Psalms 4, 4, which is what David had said. You see, there is a righteous anger and all of us should be standing up and we should be angry for what the devil is
[00:19:09] trying to do right now in our world, in the church, redefining. We should all be angry about that. We should have a righteous anger. We should be speaking up. We should be declaring that it's
[00:19:26] wrong, that it's sin. We should be attacking sin. Understand righteous anger grieves sin.
[00:19:37] Sinful anger demonizes people. Righteous anger wants restoration. Sinful anger wants humiliation.
[00:19:50] righteous anger still sees a brother but sinful anger only sees an enemy and Jesus isn't talking here about just one careless word coming out he's talking about when anger in our heart moves into contempt. And that is something that happens internally. Anger is I'm frustrated and I want
[00:20:22] to solve this situation. Anger will leave room for reconciliation. Your anger hurt me, but anger means I still care because when I'm angry, I am letting you know this bothers me because I still care. Contempt, however, means you are the problem and you are not worth my respect.
[00:20:51] You are dead to me. I don't want to see you. I don't want to hear your name. I don't want to think about you. I am disgusted when I am around you. There is a moral superiority there and it
[00:21:08] It adds disgust on top of anger and it shuts out and it will rationalize why.
[00:21:16] You see, healthy people move toward conflict for the purpose of restoration.
[00:21:26] Conflict is a great thing.
[00:21:29] Conflict is a wonderful thing.
[00:21:33] It's a portal to intimacy.
[00:21:34] I say this all the time.
[00:21:35] conflict is healthy because I bring up what's on the inside of me. You bring up what's on the inside of you and we have to wrestle it together. And it could look messy while we're wrestling.
[00:21:51] Iron sharpening irons, guess what? Sparks fly sometimes. It's hard and it's difficult, but it's healthy. Conflict is a good thing. There is nothing, and I mean nothing, that two healthy people cannot resolve. Do you hear me? But what happens, and I'm talking about even in the
[00:22:21] church, unhealthy people, avoid conflict, choose gossip, or become the prosecutor.
[00:22:32] And Jesus is saying, this is wrong. It's not the way to live as Christians.
[00:22:44] Remember, he's talking to disciples. And in Matthew chapter 18, he actually gives us the clearest process for how we are to handle conflict. He actually lays it out for us.
[00:23:04] Starting in verse 15, it says, moreover, if your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone. And if he hears you, you have gained your a brother. But if he will not hear you, take with you one or two more, that by the mouth of two or
[00:23:29] three witnesses, every word may be established. And if he refuses to hear them, tell it to the church. But if he refuses to even hear the church, let him be to you like a heathen and a tax
[00:23:48] collector. Listen, you may have a legitimate reason for being angry with someone about a situation, but if you don't handle it correctly, you now engage in sin as well. Wow. They might have done something to me, but if I don't handle it correctly, Jesus, you're saying I'm just as
[00:24:17] guilty? Okay. Well, what do I do about this? Well, let's break down exactly what Jesus said in Matthew chapter 18. Let's break it down piece by piece on how we should handle conflict. First thing that Jesus said, Jesus said, go directly to the
[00:24:42] person. He said specifically, go to them and go to them alone.
[00:24:48] That is it. You don't go to your friends. You don't go to your husband. You don't go to your wife. You don't post about it. You don't disguise it as a prayer request. Come on. You don't vent
[00:25:05] and just say, well, I'm just processing. You don't gather allies and start building a case of why you're right and they're wrong.
[00:25:18] That's your flesh.
[00:25:23] You go directly to them and them alone, period, full stop.
[00:25:30] That's it.
[00:25:33] If I were to call my husband and try to complain about someone, he would shut me down.
[00:25:40] He does not allow that.
[00:25:43] He would ask me, and when you went to them, what did they say?
[00:25:47] and I can't go, well, I'm just practicing with you first.
[00:25:52] It's not what the Bible says.
[00:25:57] See, I wouldn't even need to practice with him if I actually did what Jesus said and I went to the person.
[00:26:04] We could resolve it.
[00:26:10] You see, the goal of conflict is not winning.
[00:26:14] It's restoration.
[00:26:18] And when you truly want to resolve things, you aren't trying to phone a friend.
[00:26:25] You aren't trying to pull other people in and go, you know what, I had that same experience.
[00:26:30] Do you know what, she did that to me too.
[00:26:31] Do you know what, I saw that too in him.
[00:26:34] You're right, you're right.
[00:26:37] We start to build this case and Jesus is saying, it's wrong, you're in sin.
[00:26:46] Wow, well, what does he say to do next?
[00:26:50] If they do not listen, take someone with you.
[00:26:54] now the reason you take somebody with you it's not about intimidation it's about clarity it's about wisdom it's about accountability it's not just trying to intimidate thing it is often bringing other people in to hear both sides it will help resolve things bringing people together
[00:27:17] well what if that doesn't work there's a step here you go to that person then you bring one or two. Step number three, then you bring it to the church. Now in the New Testament context,
[00:27:33] this refers to spiritual leadership. So if someone refuses to listen, then you bring it to spiritual leadership. It's not about public shaming. The purpose is still reconciliation, but you don't go to your campus pastor first. You don't go to your service pastor first. You don't go to the
[00:27:56] senior pastor first. You go to the person first. Then you take one or two with you second. Then you go to spiritual leadership as a third step. Then what happens if you've done all three of
[00:28:17] those? Then step number four, you recognize there's an ongoing refusal. There's an unrepentant heart that refuses correction. And then at that point, when you are looking at spiritual immaturity that turned into a heart issue, and that person has become unteachable, at that point, that is
[00:28:46] when you disconnect yourself. You do not disconnect yourself because you had a disagreement with somebody. You didn't handle it right. And now the two of you are stalemated. And you say, well, I just don't trust them anymore. And you start to build things in your mind because it makes you
[00:29:05] feel safe on why you get to act the way you get to act. Understand, it's private. Then one or two, then spiritual leadership, and then separation. And Jesus says to do it any other way is sin.
[00:29:23] gossip, assumptions, social media, character assassination. That is not what Jesus wants for us. So in Matthew chapter five, in the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus is saying that if you are aware of relational brokenness, it is your job to pursue reconciliation.
[00:29:49] And then a few chapters over in Matthew 18, Jesus tells us how to do it.
[00:29:58] Well, that's pretty incredible.
[00:30:01] He gave us this roadmap.
[00:30:03] The real question is not who made you angry, but what did the anger do on the inside of you?
[00:30:12] And that's what we need to process out.
[00:30:15] We need to look at it.
[00:30:16] We need to pay attention.
[00:30:18] You see, anger wants justice, but contempt wants superiority.
[00:30:26] They're not as spiritual as me.
[00:30:28] They aren't as holy as I am.
[00:30:30] I know why they did what they did.
[00:30:32] I figured them out.
[00:30:35] Jesus isn't warning us about words.
[00:30:38] He's warning us about a heart motive.
[00:30:41] He's wanting us to take a look at our heart because we like to assign motive, and that is not our job.
[00:30:50] Our job is not to know the motive of someone's heart.
[00:30:54] That is God's job.
[00:30:56] And there's reasons why we as people assign motives when we are angry.
[00:31:03] The first is the human brain would rather have a wrong explanation than no explanation.
[00:31:09] So we like to fill in blanks because it makes us feel like that we can solve this.
[00:31:18] I know why they're doing this.
[00:31:20] that way I feel more powerful. I know why they did that. And the moment that we start creating this story, we start filling in our own blanks when we don't have them. We start assigning
[00:31:35] motives that we cannot know. Anger has stopped seeking truth and it started seeking a verdict.
[00:31:45] The second reason why people assign motives when we're angry is it protects us from feeling vulnerable. That vulnerability is scary because, you know, instead of realizing how deeply hurt that made me, I'd rather just go, they're selfish. They're selfish. And it's not my problem. It's
[00:32:06] their problem because, you know, they're selfish. Instead of realizing, man, I feel rejected. I feel overlooked. I feel abandoned. Well, they never cared in the first place. That's not my problem.
[00:32:19] I can just brush them off because they never cared in the first place.
[00:32:24] Anger allows us to feel powerful, but grief requires us to be honest.
[00:32:33] And anger is often grief that is afraid to express itself.
[00:32:41] And if we admit our pain or our brokenness, that feels way too vulnerable.
[00:32:46] I'd rather come off and feel like I'm mad and in control.
[00:32:50] That way you can't hurt me. The angry person believes they are protecting themselves, but really what they're doing is they're poisoning themselves. Jesus said, don't even come and bring your gift, your talent, whatever, to the altar. Keep it. Until you've resolved what's going on
[00:33:09] between you and your brother, it's in vain. That hurts. Ouch. Especially when we feel like we deserve to feel the way that we feel because of what they've done. Do you know we always judge
[00:33:28] people by their actions, but we love to judge ourselves by our intentions. Well, I meant to this or that. We don't give other people that benefit of the doubt. We just save that for ourselves.
[00:33:44] Jesus is saying no more. Another reason people assign motives when they're angry is because it creates emotional distance. If I can convince myself that someone is a villain, then I don't have to keep feeling compassion for them. Compassion feels threatening when you're hurt.
[00:34:04] Anger creates distance and distance feels like I can protect myself better. But guys, we're the body of Christ. We've got to be unified. How can we teach our children? How can we teach other people, how to resolve conflict and how to be holy and how to walk like Jesus wants us to walk
[00:34:26] when we're holding ought or bitterness against our brother. And listen, I'm not saying what they did or didn't do is right. I'm just saying that, or actually Jesus is saying, you got to make it right
[00:34:40] as so much as depends on you. Make it right. Don't live with this distance because you've determined who they are. It's not holy. It feels helpful, but it's not holy. Another reason we assign motive is because it justifies our bitterness. You see, if they're truly evil,
[00:35:15] then my bitterness feels just. If they are truly malicious, like I think they are, then my unforgiveness feels reasonable. The problem is that we become the judge, the jury, and the executioner. Anger can address behavior, but contempt rewrites somebody's identity.
[00:35:40] and Jesus is saying, don't you dare.
[00:35:46] Another reason we assign motive is because it restores a sense of self-control.
[00:35:53] When we get wounded, we feel powerless.
[00:35:57] So we resort to things like, oh, I figured them out.
[00:36:01] I know what's going on.
[00:36:03] I Googled it.
[00:36:04] I can see exactly what's going on.
[00:36:07] I ran it through chat GPT and this is what I think is happening.
[00:36:11] If you can't say amen, amen, say oh me.
[00:36:22] Because we know we've done it.
[00:36:24] Trying to figure out why they did what they did, how they did what they did.
[00:36:29] It's because we want to be justified that we are right and they are wrong.
[00:36:37] And Jesus never gave us permission to fill in the blanks with assumptions.
[00:36:42] He gave us instructions to walk across the flipping room and have a flippant conversation.
[00:36:53] We do not get to hold on against our brother.
[00:36:59] It tears the church apart.
[00:37:02] It tears the kingdom apart.
[00:37:06] And listen, what they might've done could be completely wrong.
[00:37:12] But do the steps the way that Jesus said to do it because any other way, we end up in sin.
[00:37:23] And if you've seen somebody that gets angry in a conversation that you're having or they just get triggered or maybe they can get angry, go zero to 60, please understand what you're seeing is you're seeing an old wound.
[00:37:38] When they get triggered, you're seeing a childhood wound.
[00:37:43] And what I've learned to do, I mean, I have to deal with people all the time.
[00:37:48] And what I've learned to do is when I see somebody get triggered, I don't get triggered back.
[00:37:54] what I've learned to do is go, okay, there's a wound here that needs addressing. And if I get triggered back, that wound will not get healed. So I start asking questions. I had a situation
[00:38:11] one time where there were two women and man, they were so angry at each other and they both felt justified. And honestly, both of them said some things they should not have said. And they tried
[00:38:23] to deal with each other and that didn't work. They skipped a step. They went straight to me and I let them know they skipped a step. But I said, since we're here, we're going to deal with
[00:38:37] this. And I said, you're both wrong. Both of you are holding things in your heart. And I made them sit toe to toe and look at each other. And I said, what did she say that really bothered you?
[00:38:49] and they said it. And I said, when was the last time somebody said something like that to you that bothered you like that? And they were able, not at first, they were like, well, she did and
[00:39:02] she did and she did and she did. I said, stop. I'm not asking you what she did. I said, when was the last time that you felt that? And they took it back to their old boss 10 years ago and what their
[00:39:19] boss had said and how it landed on them. And they burst out in tears. And these were like two women going at it. And this woman bursts out in tears. And I look at the other one and I said, the words
[00:39:32] that she said to you, when was the last time you remember feeling like that? And she took it back to her mother and words that her mother had said. Then all of a sudden I have two women who are both
[00:39:47] crying, that both felt they were right. They had gotten hard. They felt justified. And now they're both crying, asking each other for forgiveness because it was two wounds butting up against each other. And that's predominantly what goes on in the body of Christ is people that have wounds
[00:40:06] that are not equipped by understanding what the word of God has to say on how to heal them.
[00:40:13] We have no business being mad at our brother or our sister and not resolving things. Anger can address behavior, but contempt rewrites someone's identity. And we cannot live in that space. He never gave us permission to fill in blanks. You see, living with unrighteous anger
[00:40:40] will narrow our vision. And then it will do what a psychologist would call as a confirmation bias.
[00:40:47] And confirmation bias basically means once we decide someone's selfish, every action now becomes evidence. See, I knew they were selfish. When we decide someone's manipulative, every decision now becomes proof. See, I knew they were manipulative. Did you see what they just did? Did you see how
[00:41:08] they just acted. I knew they were manipulative. And then what we do is we stop gathering information to heal and we start gathering witnesses for the prosecution. And angry people often become historians. They build a case, they collect evidence, they rehearse offenses, and they
[00:41:35] connect proverbial dots and everything gets interpreted through the verdict that they have already reached in their heart. Anger is meant to be a visitor, but many of us have made it a tenant.
[00:41:54] Anger is not a bad thing. Unresolved anger is when it takes up residence. Anger that is undealt with will absolutely turn into bitterness and bitterness will turn into contempt and contempt will always cost more
[00:42:16] to the person that's carrying it.
[00:42:20] That is why Jesus is so strong in his message.
[00:42:25] The Sermon on the Mount is meant for kingdom-minded people.
[00:42:30] He's like, you cannot live like this.
[00:42:34] Offense that happened outside of you becomes contempt on the inside when anger takes up residence. And Jesus is saying, listen, murder does not begin with a knife. It begins with anger in the heart that we have chosen not
[00:42:52] to deal with. You see, your relationship with God is connected to people. How you handle people is how you deal with God. When you build walls with people, I can promise you you're building walls with God. People are just a representation of how you handle your relationship with the Lord.
[00:43:18] Do you know that? I don't have a problem with having a gate. A gate is different than a wall.
[00:43:29] A gate can let the good in and close out the bad, but a wall keeps it all out. And God does not want us living with walls. He wants us to be healed. Listen, we can come to church. We can lift our
[00:43:48] hands. We can cry on the altar. Holy, holy, holy. We can sing to the top of our lungs. We can tithe.
[00:43:57] We can bring our gifts and lay them on the altar. We can even become a kingdom builder and still carry murder in seed form in our heart. And Jesus is saying, don't do it. Would you stand on your
[00:44:16] feet with me today? I have a question that I want to ask you. With every head bowed, with every eye closed, with everybody just staying seated where they are, I want to ask you if there's anybody
[00:44:31] that you've been holding contempt in your heart for. Some of you, I feel like, are holding contempt for somebody else's situation or disagreement.
[00:44:43] The Bible's very specific.
[00:44:45] It says that when you engage in someone else's disagreement and you take up that offense, it's like grabbing the ears of a dog.
[00:44:55] You're gonna get bit.
[00:45:00] Such a wise proverb.
[00:45:03] We don't hold on to contempt.
[00:45:06] We don't pick up someone else's disagreement and make it our own issue.
[00:45:11] So I wanna ask you this.
[00:45:12] who have you written off? Who have you assigned motives to because of your anger? Anger is hurt that has not been processed. Anger is actually not a primary emotion. It's a secondary emotion.
[00:45:29] And the reason anger comes into play because it makes us feel powerful. Then having to admit how bad that person hurt me. If I can just respond in anger, I feel like I am stronger,
[00:45:45] more powerful, protected. Anger is often the first visible symptom of a deeper heart issue.
[00:45:56] And God is not impressed by our worship that ignores wounded relationships. We've got to fix what's wrong. And listen, that emotional armor that's called anger, it's time to take it off.
[00:46:14] It's time to acknowledge the root, get down to the bottom of it. Listen, I'm not talking about a momentary irritation. I'm talking about a cultivated resentment where when somebody says that person's name, if you see their social media, if you just think about them, you get this
[00:46:36] frustration or this anger in your heart. There's a stored offense there. There's a wound that has been rehearsed and unresolved anger evolves and anger may have made you feel safe, but it's a terrible savior. I just want to ask you with every person in their seat, with their eyes closed,
[00:47:04] their head bowed, who have you been holding anger towards that you need to let go? I want you just to say their name, say it, say it under your breath, just say their name. Just say, I release
[00:47:17] you. I release you. In Psalms, it says, search my heart, oh God. Try me and see if there be any wicked way in me and lead me in the way everlasting. God, search my heart. Search what's
[00:47:34] in there. And if there's anything in there, even things I don't want to admit because I really like looking righteous and holy and pious. God, if there's anything in there that I'm holding against a brother or a sister. God, I come and I lay that before you today. And God, I release them right
[00:47:56] now. Just say their name, release them. Because could be an ex, could be somebody that's passed away and you're not releasing them for the sake of them. You're releasing them for the sake of you
[00:48:14] and your heart being right before the Lord.
[00:48:18] Let them go.
[00:48:20] Release it.
[00:48:27] I want you just to give a big exhale, like you're just letting go of a heavy burden, a heavy weight that you've been carrying for too long.
[00:48:38] There's one more question I have for you today.
[00:48:43] Anger can make us feel safe at times, but it makes for a really terrible savior.
[00:48:49] there's only one that can truly make us safe and his name is Jesus and what I want to ask you today whether you're in the room or whether you're watching online all across the world as we saw
[00:49:03] earlier I want to ask you this question if you've distanced yourself from God maybe you've been holding on to anger holding on to bitterness maybe you've built walls up maybe you stopped talking to God like you should. Maybe you just started stepping back and today you need a reset.
[00:49:25] You want to re-engage with the Savior of the world. Today you want a fresh start. You want a do-over if that's you. Whether you're in this room or whether you're watching online, I want you just to take your hand and put it over your heart right now and say, I need a fresh start
[00:49:40] today. I need a fresh start today. I need a do-over. I need a do-over right now. Just put your hand on your heart. I see those of you doing that. Thank you. Thank you, sir. Thank you, ladies.
[00:49:53] I'm going to look section by section. Thank you back there. Thank you up in the balcony. I see your hands, a beautiful row of people. Thank you for that. Continue to look. Thank you. Thank you,
[00:50:08] sir. Thank you, ma'am. Who else says I need to re-engage with God? I've been holding on to stuff.
[00:50:14] thank you I see that I see that let's do this today right now with every person saying it out loud whether you have your hand over your heart or not the reason we do this is we want you to
[00:50:36] hear that there's a brother and a sister on your left and on your right hand side who is there to walk with you and I want you to hear their voice as you hear your own voice so I want you to say
[00:50:46] this loud. Say, Heavenly Father, we come before you today and we ask you to release what we've been holding on to. Release the anger. Release the bitterness. Release the frustration. Search our heart, God. We give it to you today, right now. And we accept sacrifice of your Son,
[00:51:13] Jesus Christ we hit that reset button today we hit that reset button today made new